Archive for July, 2009

Avoiding Disaster

Posted July 15, 2009 * Comments(7)

Well, yesterday could have been a complete and utter disaster…

As noted in previous blog, the morning started out with an aggravation with the BF…And the day just got progressively worse…

Got to work to find the lady who is supposed to be training me is still not ready. This means I am bored out of my mind, on week THREE of this new job, and still am not DOING the job I was hired to do. I am not doing anything really, and I am bored BORED bored.

THEN I find out that my missing paycheck was indeed mailed, but mailed to my old address…UGH!!! Are you freakin kidding me??? Who knows when that darn thing will show up…

So I think I will listen to some music to calm myself. I had found my MP3 player the day before and brought it to work with me for my lunchtime walks…Dead. Will not work…

The pants I am wearing today have suddenly grown tight and they are making me feel like a giant bloated pig.

Can’t figure out why…

Now I am just about ready to explode…

I am aggravated at everyone at this moment…

Then I feel my tummy growling…Why is it growling so early??? Ahhh…Silly me…Changed my breakfast a bit today…Had just a special K bar…No no. My body needs more than that I am afraid…

So then I stand up and I just want to eat. I am stressed. I am crabby. And I am hungry. And I want to eat. Bad. But its only 10:30. Too early for the lunch I brought. And I am in a quandary. Because not only am I actually hungry with my stomach growling, but I am stressed and wanting to eat something bad. Deep fried. And greasy…

But I have already pointed out my breakfast and lunch today and I am higher than I want to be…So I can’t have too much or I won’t be able to eat dinner.

What to do what to do…

Well, I could just say screw it and eat, and blow of the day, and get back on the train tomorrow…

But wait…NO…I am way too early back on this journey to let one lousy day derail me…I CAN NOT AND WILL NOT ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN…

Boy. I battled my demons BIG time yesterday…

So I popped some popcorn…Ate just enough to stop the grumbling…about half the bag for about 60 calories, and had plenty of calories left over for a light dinner…

Then it occurred to me that TOM is on my doorstep…And THAT’S why everything is so aggravating today…And why I feel like a stuffed sausage…And I why I feel like slapping everyone that talks to me…UGH…

I went to bed sitting at about 1228 calories…And I was very proud of myself…

Because yesterday, of all days, I could have thrown in the towel and allowed many excuses….But I didn’t…

Yet another sign that I am TRULY back in this game…

Lessons learned:

• Must do better at splitting my calories so I can have a more fulfilling breakfast.
• Hunger is NOT my friend.
• Stress does NOT have to break me down.
• Boyfriends/Spouses are gonna say stupid things from time to time…I just need to deal with it.
• Power walks do a great deal to defuse frustration.

And in the end only I can control my reactions to the events around me for I can NOT control the events.

I can use them as excuses to fail, or I can use them as fuel to succeed. It’s actually one of the few things we actually have control over in this world…

Here, There, And EVERYWHERE

Posted July 14, 2009 * Comments(7)

Ladies and gentlemen, I am all over the board today…

Up one moment and down the next!

Yesterday ended okay for me…Last night was “Taco” night for us…This is a pretty big treat in our house and we don’t do it too often. We use Laura’s extra lean ground beef (Highly recommend her products) chop up lots of veggies and allow taco shells and tortillas…

Well, I did a burrito and a taco…Used very little meat and cheese and heavy on the salsa, lettuce and HOT SAUCE…YUM! So all and all, the worst thing on my plate calorie wise was actually the tortilla…

But I pointed everything out and I was at a total of 1200 calories for the day. This is great. Right?

Well, it should have been…I neglected to say I was a bit depressed when I got home…

See, I have been expecting my first paycheck from my new job since Friday. For some reason, they mailed it, instead of letting me pick it up, and it wasn’t in Friday’s mail, Saturday’s mail or yesterdays mail…Friends, I have never needed a paycheck more!! UGH…(I have not had a paycheck since March, FYI…Due to a lay off).

Perhaps that is why I did what I did…

But after pointing everything else, I went back for one more taco…I ended the day at about 1364 calories.

Okay, so it’s not horrible…

And I am not so sure I care about the calories…What I care about is the reason why I did that when I really didn’t need it…And I don’t think I even wanted it.

I ended up in bed, full and miserable…And having to drink some Alka-Seltzer.

UGH…I am disappointed in myself…

These are the little nuances I need to work on…And I just ended the night on a down note when it could have been another success…

This morning, I pulled a pair of Capri’s out that I bought at a thrift store at the beginning of summer. I never tried them on because I was afraid to. They are 16s but they look small…

I am in 16s mostly, but some of them really are too tight and I should be in 18s except I refuse to buy 18s…LOL (I know, you don’t need to tell me, I am one mental little girl)

So I was of course, pleased as pie to see them come up over the belly and button.

They fit. And remarkably, they don’t look bad…I was thinking how cool would it be if by fall they were actually loose!! That might just be my goal…To make this two dollar pair of Capri’s too big by summer’s end…

Anyway, that made my day start out a bit better…

Then the boyfriend, who is normally the sweetest man in the world, opens his mouth and says something really dumb…

Now, let me preface this with two things…I work in a REALLY casual office environment (Flip flops are acceptable, even though I refuse to indulge) and I have a severe case of OCD…You simply cannot say something to me casually, for I will spend the next three days analyzing what you said to see if I can figure out what you REALLY meant…Both of these things he knows…Okay??

So I am in the yard trying to get the D.O.G. to potty (Her name is Zoe, but we call her the D.O.G. because she wanted some street cred to her name!) and the boyfriend comes out and says “Oh, you look cozy and comfy today!”

What?

My mind immediately translated that to “Wow, you are wearing THAT to work? You slob…”

I know. I know.I can’t help the way my mind works…

So I run inside to change 5 minutes before I am to leave for work…And I end up peeved at the boy…

I swear some day’s it really should be illegal for men to open their mouths…

Here’s to a better day to day, and more successes than failures!!! 

Outside lookin in…

Posted July 12, 2009 * Comments(4)

“People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness…

Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.” 

~H. Jackson Browne

I love this quote, and from scanning through the blogs today, I think it’s rather appropriate…

Its aways real easy to sit outside of a situation (any situation) and judge…We are all guilty of it…Though I do try hard not too…

But really, when it comes down to it, doesnt everyone need to take their own steps on this journey?? Just because they are not your steps, does not make them wrong…

Ahhhh…Freedom of speech…It is a grand thing, no??

Well, I have had a wonderful first week back on track…I have logged my food calories every day…Averaged 1300 daily…Made it through the weekend with out cheating or even really being tempted to cheat…This is sooo exciting to me…For its been a long time since I have had a FULL seven days on plan…

I exercised five days for 45 minutes and will work on increasing that this week…

Feeling great about all that…Actually, I am feeling rather unstoppable at the moment…LOL…

Thats about it for me…Just a quickie today folks…Sorry!

I hope all my buddies have an awesome week!!!

Summertime…And the living is easy…

Posted July 10, 2009 * Comments(5)

 ***WARNING…THIS BLOG CONTAINS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT WEIGHTLOSS AND THE CONTENT MIGHT BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME READERS…CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK…LOL!!!

 Here is one giant pet peeve of mine…FLIP FLOPS…

“Dawn, whatever is the problem with flip flops?”

Hold tight to your shirt tails and I will tell you!

First of all, I hate feet. Really. Mine. Yours. Cute little baby feet. I don’t like feet. Feet are gross and I don’t really want to see them (Or smell them for that matter!)…

I blame this on my sister Michele, who, at the age of 5, gave me a giant complex about my feet…

Flash forward many years, and the exact toes of mine that she used to ridicule (She said they looked like play dough rolled up on the end of my foot!) appear on her daughter, my now 15 year old niece…(KARMA my friends, she is a bitch!)

So now every time I see my niece she says “Thanks for giving me your feet Aunt Dawnie…I smile and say, BLAME YOUR MOTHER…”

Now that I am older, I find my feet okay. You know, if you have to look at them, they are okay.

My boyfriend LOOOOOVES them and that’s about all I will say about that in case there are any non adults reading this…Lets just keep it PG13 shall we?? Hah…

Anyway…Back to flip flops…

I work in an office. A high rise in downtown Columbus. The dress code is Business Casual.

Now, I have been in the “Professional” world for over 15 years and I have seen all levels of business wear from suits and panty hose required, to jeans and t-shirts are okay…

I have seen all boundaries pushed for “Casual” (and have probably pushed one or two myself)

But the office that allows open toed shoes has been rare in my book…And NEVER, in all those years, have I worked in an office where girls wear FLIP FLOPS to work.

Now I ask you…Since when did flip flops became “Business” attire?? Anyone? Someone?

I must have missed that memo…

Well, I have seen it all now, for about 80% of the girls in my office wear flip flops on a daily basis…With skirts. With dress pants. Every outfit.

Good freakin grief!

When the trend towards flip flops as every day footwear started about 5-7 years ago, I HATED IT. I refused to give in…I admit it. I was a hater.

However, I will admit that I too own several pairs of flip flops…

I wear them around the house, occasionally to the store, or while running errands…But as a rule, I do not wear flip flops out in the general public…

So don’t get me wrong. There is a time and a place for flip flops. The pool comes to mind. The beach. Running to your tanning session. Fine. I will lay off ya…

But work???

COME ON!!!!!!

And men…I gotta say…For some reason, I hate when a man wears flip flops…

Maybe it’s because when I was a kid, my dad wore those big black flip flops with the suede blue straps WITH his black knee high socks STILL ON!!! (Yes, he had a permanent indentation where the toe was).

Maybe I am scarred for life by that…I don’t know…

But when I see an otherwise handsome man, dressed in nice walking shorts, a nice golf shirt, and then flip flops on his feet, I cringe…

It signals laziness to me…Like you cared enough to dress your top half, but by the time you got to your feet, you got tired…It looks like you threw them on as an afterthought…

To me, flip flops are BARELY a step above bare feet…

Now, to clarify, sandals are PERFECTLY acceptable…Sandals are another matter entirely…

So now that you know how I really feel about flip flops, let me launch into my second tirade…

People who don’t follow the rules.

THERE ARE RULES FOR THE WEARING OF FLIP FLOPS and/or SANDALS PEOPLE!!!

(Trust me, I am sure Clinton and Stacey will back me up here, google them if you are lost at that reference!)

If you are going to make me, a complete stranger, LOOK at your feet, then at least take care of them…

Now, I know. I know…Some of you are gonna say, if you don’t like them, don’t look…

Well, whenever you wear anything that exposes different parts of your body, you are essentially saying to the world, “HEY, LOOK AT THIS PART OF MY BODY!!”
So…If you are gonna expose your feet to me AND the world…Here are a few simple guidelines for you…

1. Please trim your nails. Really. Guys, if your nails are long, thick, yellow and crusty, NO ONE wants to see that…
Ladies, keep your nails trimmed and neat and either PAINTED or NOT PAINTED, but do pick one. Nothing sends me into a tizzy more than ghetto nail polish.

You know…The people who paint their nails once at the beginning of the season, then let them go the rest of the year…till they chip and peel and have barely a dot of color left on them. (My sister Angie can testify that this drives me INSANE). Seriously, if painting your toe nails is so tiresome, just take the polish off and LEAVE it off…

2. If your feet are hard, callused and cracked, FIX THEM. It’s gross. Period. File them. Lotion them. Whatever you have to do because I don’t want to see your nasty scaly feet.

3. In case you didn’t know this, when you walk behind someone in flip flops, the flip flops actually leave the foot for a while. Hence, the flip flop sound. So if you are gonna wear them, make sure your feet are CLEAN. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen cute girls wearing flip flops, only to see the bottom of their feet are BLACK with dirt. Gross. Period.

4. And lastly, DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WEAR FLIP FLOPS TO WORK. (Unless you are a life guard of course!) Ugh. First of all, unprofessional. Second of all, there is nothing worse than to be sitting in your cubicle all day and hearing “flip flop flip flop” as an office mate walks by to the water color. PUT SOME FREAKIN SHOES ON PEOPLE.

Again. Don’t get me wrong…I DO wear them. OCCASIONALLY. And when I do, my nails are painted (COMPLETELY). My feet are lotioned. I have my cute little toe ring on, an equally cute anklet, and I make sure they look as good as they can for their debut…

If I look at them, and they are not up to par, I switch to a toe covering slip on. It’s really that simple!

I mean, come on people. Take care of your feet!!! They carry your ass around EVERY day. The least you can do is give them a good pedicure and some lotion!

Thus ends my lecture on flip flops, feet, and ghetto nails.

Have a lovely weekend all, and please, go paint those toe nails!

I just said NO and it felt so good!!!

Posted July 10, 2009 * Comments(4)

Well, finishing up my first week back in the saddle…WOOT…

 Its going remarkably well…

Of course, blogging regularly again sure helps…

Having some of my buddies with me helps (Thanks Jo Jo, Stacey, Catrina!)

Welcome back Wonder Woman!! So nice to see another “Old Timer” return…LOL…

I get my first paycheck today in three long long months…(Laid off for three months!)

And I am stoked. Of course, its already gone, seeing how I owe everyone and the Pope, but thats okay…

The boyfriend, in celebration, asked if I wanted to go to City BBQ here in Columbus tonight and without hesitation or even thinking about it I said “No, I cant really eat healthy there” (They have the BEST BBQ in town and sweet tea to die for!)

So thats how I know I am back. At least for now…

Once I get up and running and more secure in my footing I will allow myself the occassional treat, but not for a few weeks…

I am feeling better than I have felt in almost  a year…So thank you to all who read my blogs and comment either publically or privately…I appreciate all your support…

Reflections of…

Posted July 9, 2009 * Comments(0)

 

“Through the mirror of my mind
Time after time
I see reflections of you and me

Reflections of
The way life used to be”
~Diana Ross

Something weird is happening…

The universe is shifting, and for once, I do believe its shifting in my favor!

I started off the week by simply committing myself to “Going through the motions” or as my buddy Jo says often “Fake it till you make it”

And although I am ONLY on day four (and I am well aware of how early that is) I can honestly say that somewhere between faking it and enjoying it, I have happily settled.

As previous blogs have alluded to, I have decided I absolutely MUST let go of my baggage if I am to move forward…

For me, that baggage is the weight loss journey that I took from January of 2004 until February of 2007. A journey that encompassed three years of my life. Saw the birth of my blogging career. Saw countless friendships gained and lost, and a whole multitude of other things. I lost 65 pounds and I was/am proud of that achievement.

But that was then, and this is now…

This will be a new journey because almost everything else around me is new…It is 2009. I am SEVERAL years older now (sadly not much wiser! LOL). I have a new home in a new city. A new job. A new man in my life. For that matter, my whole life is new, at least in comparison to where I was in 2004.

So this is the beginning…

And for that reason, and after some discussion from my weight loss buddies, I have kind of decided to do a grand “re-launch”…

I vow to focus less on where I started, and where I got, and focus more on where I am and where I still need to go.

I will update my various web pages to reflect the old journey and the new.

I will update my stats openly and honestly.

To help achieve this, I have decided to weigh in this weekend at all costs…And trust me friends, that cost will be high. Emotionally.

I have not stepped on a scale since January, and it is sure to throw me into a depression, but I know I need a cold hard figure. A giant slap in the face. A wake up call. A starting point if you will to gage my progress…

The good news is that it is only a starting point and nothing more (At least that’s what my buddy Stacey says! And I sure hope she doesn’t lie! LOL).

Whatever that scales reads back to me I vow that it will be the last time it ever does…

And I have taken new “Before” pics (Well, technically Brian did!)…I won’t let my old ones go, because I think it’s very important to remember that I once was a very miserable 250 pounds…But the new before pics are to chronicle THIS journey…

And speaking of those pics…

We took them this morning…And let me tell you…

I don’t know if it’s because I was expecting to see what I saw…Or what…But you know how you can see a picture of yourself at a family gathering, or an event with friends, and you cringe because you have five chins, two knees, and a 9 month pregnant belly when you don’t even have kids? Yeah, you know those pics…The ones that have you saying to yourself I WILL NEVER EAT AGAIN as you cram a donut in your mouth…

Well, the funny thing is, when you are prepared to see your body in all its glory. Raw. Open to the public so to speak, your outlook changes…

I prepared myself for the worst this morning…There is no hiding from a reflection.

As I reviewed the images this morning on my camera, there I stood in my undies and tank top, and you know what??

Even with the back fat showing (Yes, I have it, and it is truly disturbing) and my belly showing, I STILL could see that I was not that same girl that took her first before pic in 2004.

Oh, I am still fat, no joke…But I don’t look nearly as bad as I thought I did. And that truly and utterly surprised me.

I gazed at those pics a long time. And will probably do so a million more times in the weeks to come…

But overall, I was NOT disgusted by what I saw. Disappointed, sure…Because I once looked better, but also a bit gleeful, because I once looked much much worse…

And that, my friends, gives me the hope, the motivation, I was so desperately seeking…

So here I am on day four. I finished up day one and two at about 1500 calories. I vowed to get that down by weeks end, and yesterday I ended the day at 1200 calories exact. I have walked every day for 45 minutes. I have journaled my food every day.

And although there is much more I need to be doing, and will, I find myself today strangely giddy to be getting back on this journey, this time taking a new group of people with me…

Fake it till you make it friends…It does indeed work…

Angels and Demons

Posted July 7, 2009 * Comments(4)

Or really just Demons…LOL…

I am continually amazed at the mental madness of this game.

And I really shouldn’t be at this point. Really.

I have been on this road to wellness for over five years. You’d think I’d know all about the game and its players by now. Sadly, I always forget and then am reminded in the way of an A-HA moment.  Queue the Oprah soundtrack please!

It’s a mental mental game. Between you and your mind. And somehow you have got to find a way to conquer the demon that IS your mind or you become your own worst enemy.

Every time along the way I have faltered. Let go. Regressed. Hit a plateau. Lost motivation. It is almost undeniably my own self holding me back.

I know this is the case now and I am desperately battling my inner demon to let me go so I can continue on with my journey. I despise him. My demon. Even worse because I refuse to learn to ignore him.

I blogged yesterday about my thoughts on Bariatric Surgery. I knew I would get some negative feedback, and that’s okay. My friends and family chimed in as well. It’s a hotly debated resolution for sure.

 I have had my own strong thoughts on it in the past. I have known folks who have done it and failed, almost to their death, and I have known folks who have done it and are a success.

 I can’t say I won’t ever do it, because I might. It is still there in my thoughts. But in the mean time I committed myself to going through the motions in HOPES that by the time I get to the point when I really MIGHT do surgery, I will find I am already on my way on my own and won’t need it at all.

But since writing about it yesterday, getting those thoughts out in the open, things have already started changing.

Maybe that’s what I needed. To just come out of the closet a little bit. J

That’s what writing has always done for me. I have lived this journey on line and in public for the better part of five years. First on buddyslim.com, and now on thoughts.com and facebook.com.

I chose to do this for a few reasons.

First, because it is my nature to be straightforward and honest. Second, because the more people that know my ups and my downs, the more accountable I feel I am to NOT disappoint them. Three, because if my journey can help just one other person start their own journey, then my journey is a success.

My way is not for everyone, but it has really worked for me for the most part. I can’t fathom having done this journey keeping all my thoughts, fears, successes and failures locked inside.

Nor can I imagine doing this without the support of readers (And buddies) like you.

So yesterday’s blog is now in the archive of my weight loss history, and now today is upon me.

A new day almost always brings new thoughts.

Today I am wearing a normal size skirt. By normal, I mean I bought if off the rack at Kohl’s a few years ago when I first lost all my weight. Us fat people consider that a great achievement you see. To shop in regular stores in the regular section of the store.

Guess what?

It still fits. Does it fit great? Nope. I don’t need a scale to tell me what my clothes already do. So for that reason alone I have refused to step on a scale since February. My clothes and my mirror reflect what I know. No need to depress myself even further. That’s my motto!

BUT…And here is a BIG BUT. (Dawnie’s got a big ol butt Oh yea! J)

Today, I was a bit happy about it. Today, I don’t care that it’s tight. I didn’t focus on that.

Today I care that it still fits me and still looks appropriate on me. For this means I am not the huge slob I have made myself out to be in my head. (The demon previously mentioned)

Today I refused the demon his games and I have come out the winner.

I walked at lunch with a little more bounce in my step. I saw myself reflected in the buildings downtown and I didn’t see a giant stuffed elephant looking back. I saw a cute woman walking her way to wellness.

 I ate normal, and wrote down what I ate, and so far for the day I am right on target to reach my 12-1300 calorie goal.

Today, it does not seem quite so hard.

Today, I just went through the motions, but paid attention to the result.

Today I punched the demon in the face have not heard from him since. Call me Mohamed Ali!

I know that today is just a moment in time. I cow that tomorrow I may wake up completely defeated in my mind again. I know that everyday will either bring an up or a down and in some cases BOTH. I know this…

But for today, I needed this brief respite from my demons.

So for today the score is Demon-0 and Dawnie-1

Tune in to tomorrow to see who will triumph in tomorrow’s game!

To do or not to do…That is the question…

Posted July 6, 2009 * Comments(6)

I know I shouldn’t be thinking it, but I am…

I have actually started contemplating Bariatric Surgery again. The newer Lap Band procedure which is way less invasive.

It’s funny. I first researched this surgery way back in 2002. I mean, I really researched it for months. The full Gastric Bypass. Discussed with my then husband. Attended info sessions. Joined web groups to ask questions. Discussed it with my doctor and I even went as far as applying for the program. But somewhere between applying and approval, I stepped back.

Actually, it was my ex-husband who put the kibosh on it for me. After saturating our minds with all the info, and understanding that this was no quick fix, or magic dust. That I would STILL have to exercise and watch what I eat for the rest of my life, he simply sated one night “Dawn, if you are willing to do it after the surgery, why not try it a bit BEFORE surgery. Really try.”

He was worried. It’ a risky surgery, with equally risky side effects.

And for some reason that clicked. I decided NOT to do the surgery and although I wouldn’t truly start trying to lose weight for another year, I did eventually do it.

So why am I again thinking of it?

I think because I am overwhelmed right now.

I am sooo far in the mode of beating myself up. Living in the past. Dwelling on how well I ONCE did, and how much I then let myself regain, that I can not seem to get past it.

Daily I beat myself up over my failures on this journey.

There were, and still are successes, but I can not see them through the negativity in my mind.

Don’t get me wrong. I have started making the changes needed to get back on track.

I walked at lunch again today. I dusted off the food journal and wrote down my food. I am definitely going through the motions, but when I think that I will lose this weight. AGAIN, one lousy pound at a time, I get soooooooooooo discouraged…

And part of that is because every pound that SHOULD be a mile stone, will not be…

The first time I did this I was thrilled to lose the first ten pounds. Sure, I was still fat as ever, but I was at a weight I had not been in a long time.

Re-losing weight is different. Mentally harder I think. For it will be a long, LONG time before I reach unchartered weight territory again…And it will take me months, perhaps even a year to get back to where I once was, in the spring of 2007. That was when I reached my lowest weight. And it felt great.

And this is what is holding me back, I think. I need to let go of my previous journey, instead of calling it one long continuous one. That one is over. And I need to let it go.
But how?

Where do you find NEW motivation? Negative motivation is not working for me. Sure I hate how I look and feel. Sure I hate looking at pictures of myself, but for some reason, I just keep on eating…

The first time I started this journey it was after the death of my father and I was scared…Freshly scared. I didn’t want to die…Well…That was six years ago, and I am not so scared now.

I also wanted to see if it would help with my infertility. It didn’t.

I am so mad and disappointed in myself that I dont know how to let it go.

So now what?

How do you get past the self hate. The self doubt, and just move forward?

Sure, surgery is STILL not the complete answer, but I think how wonderful would it be to have a period of time in my life where I DON’T have to think all the time about food.

If my stomach is only 2 ounces, there is no discussion. I eat till I am full, and then stop. Period. It seems sooo much more manageable to me then going on the way I am going.

Yes. I know I will still have to watch what goes in my mouth, but, if I am dropping several pounds a week, I know I won’t mind. For its those little successes that keep us going. It’s been soooo long since I have seen a success I am afraid I have forgotten what it looks like!

So that’s where I am for now.

Walking. And journaling.

I will join a gym as soon as I fiscally can afford too, and hopefully Weight Watchers too.

And I will keep doing what I need to do.

But I can’t stop my thoughts from wandering back…From settling on that idea in my mind that a Lap Band procedure might just be what I need…Or at the very least, it’s certainly what I want right now.

If you love me, don’t touch the bratwurst!

Posted July 1, 2009 * Comments(3)

Day two is here!

Super duper baby steps is what I am doing…And that’s okay…I have a plan…And that is always a good thing for me…

I walked yesterday and today on my lunch hour. Yes. I am aware that this is nothing major, however, please keep in mind that I have had NO REGULAR EXERCISE in three months. So this is okay for now…

Eventually I will join a gym. Eventually the daily walks will just be in addition to ten other things I do. Eventually I will log every morsel. Count every calorie, and EVENTUALLY I will lose the weight…

At any rate, I feel better than I have in a long time. I am in prep mode. Preppin myself for the big show. Surrounding myself again with supportive weight loss buddies. Putting my goals out there for the world to see and judge because I feel this holds me a tad more accountable. Preppin for a new grocery trip to stock up on healthy food. Preppin the boyfriend on the ground rules…

Yep. That’s right. Brian needs to be set right!!!!

You see, poor Brian has never known me when I am “on it”. He has seen bits and pieces, he has heard the stories, but sadly for him, he has never seen me really going on this route…Where I become the kitchen/restaurant Nazi. Reading every label. Counting every calorie. Planning every meal. It’s not pretty but it’s ever so necessary.

I am ever so grateful for him, as he is apparently oblivious to the numerous fat rolls that have appeared over the last year on me. (I did mention he had to get glasses this year, right? This might explain some of this! LOL!) J

He is happy with me as is, and while I appreciate that tremendously, I am not where I want to be, and he knows this…

So, for those of you who don’t know. Brian and I like food. Although this should be glaringly obvious by just looking at us or some of the hobbies we have, I do want to at least mention it. LOL.

We LOVE food. Period. And not like some people who just love to eat. We love the WHOLE experience of food. GOOD FOOD. Exciting food. Planning recipes. Shopping. We both love to cook. To impress each other. We love sitting down with good food and good drink. We love to entertain. Create. Talk over a good meal. The whole process intrigues us. We shun fast food whenever possible. But for some reason, Brian can eat twice as much as a normal man, and even myself, and really not have to deal with it. He has been the same weight since I met him…And besides the typical, late thirties, beer belly, he looks pretty darn normal. (Sorry babe!)

So even though I am not 100% back on track yet. Nor will I be for another few weeks. I do feel I should be doing everything I can now in PREP for the rest of my journey. So we have been cooking in a lot. Packing our lunches. Etc.

Last night on the way home from work we are discussing dinner. Which Brian was going to make. I say, “Let’s do sketti! It’s quick and easy, and we can take the leftover’s in our lunches the next day” (Sketti is spaghetti in case there are any slow readers out there…Hah! J)

So in the course of the conversation we decide we will add in the store bought pre made meatballs. (Yes, my Brian is a pretty heavy meat eater…Cows everywhere run and hide when he appears). That’s fine. I can deal with that this week. (Little does he know that in a few short weeks it will be whole wheat sketti, or sketti squash with a garden veggie sauce!) I decide for now, I will NOT fight the meatballs…But WOAH…Out of the next breath comes this phrase. “I am also going to fry up some bratwurst and add them into the sauce!”

Oh no he didn’t!!!!!

Yep. He sure did. Now. Don’t get me wrong. I would eat it. It sounds delightful. And yes, I too love my meat. I wish I didn’t for sure. I have wanted to become a vegetarian like my sister for YEARS but just can’t give it up yet. But both meatballs AND brats???

That, my friends, was a bit too much meat in one dish…

So I set the boy straight…And he agreed to just one meat.

And I truly hope that he will be able to join me on this journey…He is not against eating healthy. He has just never had too. So hopefully, TOGETHER, we can look for healthy recipes. Some meat friendly recipes. Shop together. And continue doing all we love to do, just a moderated version of it…

And if not?

Well, I will have one delightful, charming, cute, and completely housebroken boyfriend to put up for auction on Ebay!!

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