You’ve Got To AC CENT UATE The Positive!!
Well…I did it…
I weighed myself this morning…FINALLY…After six months of not knowing, I now have the truth…
It had to be done…I cannot gage how far I have come if I don’t have a starting point…And although I am not a huge fan of scales as a constant guide to success, well, you do at least need to know what you’re up against…And now I know…
The good news is that it was not nearly as bad as I had made it in my head to be. I put a figure in my head of what I thought it would be, the absolute highest number I felt I could handle…And, well, it was NOT that…Thank God!
The bad news is that I DO have some work ahead of me…Work I have done before…Ugh…
The good news is that in reality, it is only 7 pounds higher than I was at this time last year…With the year I have had I am going to say I am okay with that…
The bad news is that LAST year when I weighed in right before my back surgery I SWORE I would NOT be that size again…Liar…
The good news is that I am already feeling better. As my buddy Stacey said, it’s just a starting point and if I choose to, I NEVER have to see that number again…
The bad news is I have seen this number TWICE now on this journey…
You see, I am at the exact re-start weight as I was back in 2006 when I jolted myself back to reality…What IS it about this number for me?? (Maybe I need to play the lotto?)
The good news, no, strike that, the GREAT news, is that I am not back to my 250 pound starting point I was when I decided to do this way back in 2004…
The bad news is that it probably only takes a few more lazy months to get there…For it is much too easy to gain than to lose…
The good news is that I have no idea what I was on July 1st when I started back on my journey…So in my head, who knows?? Maybe I have already lost 4, 5, 6 pounds…I will never know…So therefore, I can pretend I have…LOL…
I definitely FEEL better, and that is awesome…
The bad news is that…Well, I think that’s all the bad news…
Back to the good then…
I immediately shared the number with Brian…GASP! I know. I know. Many of my friends do NOT tell their significant others their weights. I do get that…
But I started doing this back in my marriage with Steve. And I think it’s because Steve never judged me by my weight. My weight was never a factor in his feelings for me, and he ALWAYS supported me in my efforts to lose, and therefore, telling him was a bit of freedom for me…
I was always bigger than him from day one yet he still asked me out! And even after I lost the weight, I still was, so it really never seemed to bother him. It’s just something I dealt with…And apparently, he did too. I have been truly blessed in the arena of finding good men…(Ladies, they DO exist!)
Anyway, I started telling him somewhere along in my journey as a way to hold myself accountable AND also so that he too could appreciate where I came from and where I was going…He helped celebrate my successes, and understood my defeats better, I think.
A C C O U N T A B I L I T Y
I have decided to do the same with Brian…
I have no doubts that Brian would love me whether I was 135 pounds or 435 pounds. Truly. I could be wrong, but it’s doubtful. He is just that kind of guy…
And telling him was NOT easy in the least. It was actually a bit humiliating to be honest. But some of the greatest rewards come from doing things that are HARD for us to do…If we ALWAYS stay in our comfort zone, we will never be challenged to be more or do more…
So I told him what the weight was…We talked about it…We made a plan…And suddenly, it all seems okay…I did NOT cry…I did not have a meltdown…I am not even really depressed…Maybe disappointed a bit…But now I simply have a starting point…
I will NOT state here what that weight was for one reason only…
As we all know I am very open and honest about my battle with the bulge and I cross post my blogs on three different sites…And I have a lot of love and support flowing all around me (THANK YOU!)…
But it only takes ONE person to read it and state a really stupid comment like “Hey, fat girl, put the cheeseburger down and you might lose weight” (Yeah, like its simply that easy…And I don’t even EAT cheeseburgers that often!) Or one soul to say “Damn, I had no idea she was that huge…” and, well, that’s just ignorance and negativity that I don’t need right now…
So for now, Brian knows, and my weight loss buddy gals will know (LOVE YOU GUYS!!!)
And that will be enough for me…Eventually, I will tell all…I always do…Hah…
So that’s it.
I made a goal to weigh myself this week, and I did it…It was hard. I fought it, but in the end, I did what I knew had to be done, as is my way…
And now I will take that same attitude and channel it into my daily life, and continue on with my journey…
Go Dawnie!!
You and I are the same age - I feel somehow different this year - Like I am at my point of readiness to do this thing once and for all
How bout you ?
Shall we hold hands ?
NB I dont care how many pounds someone has to lose - it still takes changes - and changes are challenging
Shelli X
(((((((((((DAWN)))))))))) You know what I love about this blog - your attitude.
You know what has to be done and ready to do it. Boy, facing that scale took courage and I’m so proud of you. Brian is a good man and loves you for you regardless of size or number on the scale. YAY YOU! 
Wow… there was a lot of good and bad news. But the good news really out ways the bad news. And Lori is right, you don’t every have to see a number on a scale again if you don’t want to. Keep up the great work.
YIPPPIEEE ! Somebody is doing REALLY REALLY well
And appears to be feeling REALLY great too and that is the BEST part ~~~
Thank you ladies…I appreciate it!
I REALLY love your title here and boy how true is that
That really is how we should live life.
Congrats on facing the darn scale.
What a relief if must have been to not be as high as you imagined it could be.
Now you have a starting point and can move forward.
Thats great.
I love what Stacey said about being able to choose to never see that number again.
Now that’s way cool.
And the journey continues
thanks for sharing
Lori
PS Sounds like you have a really great guy there,
it was very hard for me to tell my hubby my weight and we had been married for 20 yrs. sheesh do I feel foolish now
LOL