Dawn’s Weight Loss Journey

I typed it all up in a frenzy this morning in anger and frustration, and the result was a lovely 7 page blog…SEVEN pages…LOL…

I laughed to myself and said “NO ONE is going to sit through a seven page ANGRY blog Dawn, not even when it’s as wonderfully well written as yours”…Hee hee hee…

So then I went back and took out all kinds of stuff…But then it didn’t quite make sense!

So I decided to chuck the whole thing and simply state this…

I will simply condense it into this…I have only been here for two weeks. I have had absolutely NO training or feedback whatsoever. Trust me. I have asked. I am not the kind of worker who meekly sits in her cubicle and waits…I always search out knowledge or stuff to do…

So an extremely long story short, I have been an office professional for over 12 years. I have over 10 years of relevant and recent experience in the job I was hired to do. In those years I have sat on HUNDREDS of conference calls…
But never, in all my life, have I sat on one like the one I sat on yesterday.

It was my first contact with my “client” and it was SUPPOSED to be an over view of my training and what’s going to happen…

Well, it turned out to be a personal attack on me personally, and the company I am working for.

This person literally questioned my ability to do the job on the call, in front of five other people…All based on a list of questions I had prepared to ask about the specific duties of the position…

Her exact words: “Well, after reviewing these questions I have GRAVE concerns that you have ever done, or can do, benefits administration”

WHAT??!?!?!

Did she REALLY just say that out loud in front of everyone??

Yes. Yes she did.

Ten years I have been doing Benefit Administration, and I have done it DAMN WELL thank you very much!!!!

I was appalled. It took everything in me to ONE, not CRY and TWO, to not walk out of the call…

And no, I wasn’t just being an emotional goose…My boss who was in the room with me also felt the hostility and thought it was completely out of line…(Later in the call, it would appear she didn’t like how my question was WORDED but agreed that the question was relevant. A miss communication that could have easily been cleaned up had she spoken to me directly!!!!!)

Again, I have been doing this job, and jobs like this for ten years…I was upfront with them completely during the interview process…They wanted a technical guru, which I am not, and I told them that…This job IS very technical, but it’s all stuff I have done on some level and have NO DOUBT I can do again given some over views and guidelines.

I have also been told repeatedly in my career to ALWAYS ask questions…And that there ARE NO STUPID QUESTIONS…

Well folks. Apparently there are stupid questions and I asked one!!!!

See, the problem lies in the fact that they, the client, do not like, us, the host, for other reasons than just my small portion of it, and sadly, I got stuck in the middle of that battle…

Why some of this could not have been worked out, OFF LINE, professionally, between the two bosses is beyond me…

And as for the lady above who made such a rude statement, let me remind you I have been here two weeks and have never spoken with her, who is to be my trainer. Now don’t you think if she truly had some concerns she could have taken them to my boss off line???

Anyway, never being one known for keeping my mouth shut, I definitely defended myself, my abilities, and my actions to date…Which went over like the proverbial led balloon. And I did receive a gentle reprimand for doing so, but OH MY…I have never been spoken to like that in my entire professional career…

She was completely out of line and I stand by that…(In hindsight I should have simply excused myself from the call)

But the result of all of this was, that by the time I left the office yesterday, my face was red, my chest was hurting, and I just wanted to kick, cry , scream and eat…UGH…(Don’t forget, it’s also TOM)

So had this occurred just two weeks ago, I would have begged and pleaded for Brian to go get us junk food. Order a pizza. Something. Anything to emotionally kill the anger and frustration…

But surprisingly, yesterday, I did not.

I came home. Ate a healthy meal we had thrown in the crock pot, vented a bit to Brian, and then kind of chilled out…

I refused, once again, to cave…

And every time I achieve that goal I can almost feel myself grow stronger and stronger…

It’s an awesome feeling…

I don’t know why I didn’t break down last night…Perhaps I finally want to be healthy above all things…Perhaps I am finally ready to shed these pounds the right way, the healthy way, and for good…I don’t know…

I just know that I have an awful lot going on right now, but for the first time in a long time, even though chaos is swirling all around me, here, in the middle of the storm, I am remaining calm, positive and focused…