I am a fickle beast
Fickle=Deceitful…Incosistant… (According to Websters!)
This is me…
To jazz it up, I like to say I am “Wishy-Washy”
I come out here every three months or so, with the BEST of intentions, and then ALWAYS I fail…
It wasnt always that way…But its the way its been for far too long.
Buddyslim used to be my haven…It stopped being that a long long time ago for me…But I miss it…I miss my old friends…Most of them have left now…Due to their own trials…Site politics…Etc…
At its best, the buddyslim community assisted, and supported me, through a loss of over 40 pounds…I miss those days so much…They seem soooo far away from where I am now…
Yet, I constantly try to not focus on the past, so I am clear to embrace the future.
I am having a tough time right now in life. MOSTLY of my own making. Some if it is not. And while I am wallowing in these trials, it seems almost impossible to get myself BACK on the journey to good health…
Its always there…In my brain…I think about it all the time…I WANT to do it. I NEED to do it, but lack the structure right now to accomplish it…
I unpacked some boxes last weekend and was utterly appalled that I have TWO full totes of brand new clothes, many with tags on, in a size 14…This makes my heart sick…
In 2007 I was firmly in a size 14…
I have had to pack those clothes away for now, as I am now in 16’s, and not even all those fit comfortably…I HATE THIS…
I hate that I gave up and allowed those pounds to creep back on. I hate that I use every excuse in the book to NOT tackle this. Again. I did it. I know how!! Its not some grand secret that certain people are hoarding…
Its pretty common knowledge…Eat less. Exercise more. Period. Simple. So simple.
Of course, we know its not QUITE that simple…But it is in black and white.
I said earlier in my post that I always fail…And thats not really true…(See, even now I am wishy washy! :))
To me, Failure = Quit
Walking away forever would be failing…I have not…
I am not where I want to be.
I am not where I need to be.
But I am still here. And that is something…
This is the longest, hardest, journey I have ever traveled…And I have had the misfortune of traveling some perilous journies! But, I think the fact that I am still here, with my backpack on, and all the equipment on my person, means that at least I am still in race…I may be standing off to the side of the path, to allow others to get by…But I havent left the path yet…I am still here…Trying to catch up to my friends…Trying to continue my journey towards success…
So in an effort to NOT sound wishy washy, I am not going to say my goals, my plans, and what not…But I am here and doing my own thing, to try to recapture my previous successes…
Sorry to all my buddies…I didnt mean to run off…Please forgive!!!
I know how you feel about wondering when damnit, when??? Well you are not alone. At some point things have gone from meaningful to over the top insane here, or is that in my mind? lol. But the truth is, what works is just believing in ourselves. We both have for as long as I can remember, had a confidence that inspires. I do not know about you, but I was trying to be my own cheerleader so that I might believe. I have always believed it is up to me to get things done, but think I lacked the necessary confidence. And no matter the steps back, all that matter is that we forgive ourselves and get back to it, each and everyday. You have inspired many with your words, me being one. Now Ms Dawn, what are YOU going to do to inspire yourself today? No aiming for perfectionism, yes?? You can do it and you will.
Have a great one. Thanks for your words today.
All I can really say is that I HEAR YA! I am in and have been in the same boat for far too long now. It makes me sad and mad but apparently not mad enough to do it again and to do it for good. In no way am I saying “good, I”m not the only one” but it is good to know that I am not alone in my bumpy and scarey roller coaster ride. I am glad you are still sharing.
Don’t worry there are still a few of us around that haven’t left yet either.