Dawn’s Weight Loss Journey

And thought I would come out here and give a quick hello and an update…

First, LIFE:

A quick recap…I moved from Ohio to Florida in November…In January, my boyfriend was laid off after 15 years…And then last week, my position was eliminated. So I was laid off as well…The job I JUST got in January…Soooo…Needless to say, life has been a bit weird again…

But all and all, I am handling it well…

Brian and I have decided to move BACK to Ohio. He has already found a job there, and I am very heavily looking. The job situation seems slightly more stable up there, and the cost of living is definitely cheaper. I will also have my friends, family, and pets with me finally, and this is all a good thing…

So we are packing, and will be moving in two weeks…FUN TIMES. Nothing like moving twice, across the states, in less than five months!!!

Second, WEIGHT: Needless to say, weightloss has been far from my mind…

No. Strike that. It is NOT. Nor is it EVER far from my mind. Its just not being prioritized right now. Or maybe it is, and its been moved behind packing, moving, and job search.

Overall, I am still hopeful. Spoke with my sister today and as soon as I get back to Ohio I am joining a new gym, and going back to Weight Watchers. Now I just need to get through the next few weeks without gaining 20 pounds…

 I still feel there is hope.

I still feel this could be my year.

I just know its going to take a TON of focus and determination. I know I will need to sacrafice several things for the short term while I get recommitted. And I must start IMMEDIATELY as to not waste any more time…

But I am still hopeful…

And as long as there is hope, there is light at the end of the tunnel…

Hope you are all well, and I will check back in soon, promise…

I miss all my buddies!!!

I feel I have written this blog 1000 times.

I bet most of you feel you have read it 1000 times. LOL…

I have been gone from here for about a month. On purpose.

I am not sure what shifted in the universe in February for me, but I did some major curling up in a ball. I am certain I had some depression going on. Sadly, I am currently uninsured and can’t really do anything about it right now. So I kind of had to let it run its course, and talk myself through it.

I felt fatter than ever, and was soooo tempted to eat my way to oblivion. To just become the morbidly obese person I seem destined to become. Then I would go to the other extreme and want to get gastric bypass. I was all over the board. Very lost I was!

I am not 100% yet. But I am feeling the beginnings of hope again. And for all of you who have battled depression, you know this is a start.

I have no idea what triggered it. Finances probably. I am, like most of you, wondering how I am going to live for the next few years. I took a 30% pay cut, and I am getting further in the hole each passing month.

Add to that the never ending battle of the bulge, and well, you have a sad, depressed, poor fat chick.

I was sooo motivated in December and January, then came February, and I lost it all. Why Oh Why does it come and go like that??

If I could answer that, I would be rich woman indeed.

I came on here one day in early February, read a blog that I absolutely did not like or agree with, and for some reason, I just backed away. I didn’t comment on the blog. Or to the person. Because this person is a buddy of mine. And I didn’t think I was in the proper state of mind. But my reaction to that blog made it clear to me that I needed a breather from buddyslim for a while. I actually withdrew from other things too. Its just kind of what I do when I am trying to figure myself out. I flirted briefly with another site. GASP!! (I did. I did.)

But I didn’t like it. My history is here. Period.

Buddyslim has been like a warm blanket to me for the last three years.

So I have started sorting myself out. AGAIN. And I know I am a freaking broken record. Trust me. But I WILL get this done. I HAVE to.

I have adjusted my motto from “Workin towards a size 9 in 09” to “THERES STILL TIME IN 09”.

That’s right. There are 10 months left to the year. I still have time to work towards my goal if someone on the biggest loser can lose 100 pounds in 8 weeks. SURELY I could lose 50 by the end of the year. Okay. Realistically, I need to drop 60 to even approach a size 9. But I have not given up. Just had a momentary lapse of reason.

People. I have been on both sides of this battle. I have been hugely successful for over a year. Dropping the weight like melted butter. And I have struggled beyond struggle with some regain. THIS IS THE HARDEST BATTLE I HAVE EVER FOUGHT and I am convinced I AM MY OWN WORST ENEMY.

For those of you who regularly dish out advice here, I would ask you to remember that. When life is good, and we are feeling great, it’s easy to lose patience with those around us who aren’t keeping up. I know. Been there. It’ far too easy to judge others. We have all done it. Its easy to forget the struggles when we are feeling so fine. But remember, in a heartbeat, it can go. And you will be right back on the other side.

Thus ends Dawn’s lecture for the day! LOL.

I am flying home to Ohio tonight to visit my family and my dogs. And when I get back on Sunday I am diving into 09 once again. I have lost count of what attempt this is, but I don’t think that matters so much any more.

What matters is I am still here. I am loved. And I am fairly healthy. The rest is all fixable, so I must be getting around to doing some repairs on this old life of mine…