Just Like Arnold…I’ll Be Back!!!
Or, BOCK, if accent means anything!
Well, after my mini meltdown, pity party, self loathing, etc…
I have taken many of my buddies advice and decided to do something different.
I took the whole weekend to dwell on it. Think on it. Analyze it. Etc.
I dont know why its gotten so hard for me…Truly.
I know I want this. I know I am TIRED of being fat. I know I am not happy with myself or my appearance. I know I want what I had back in 2006. The confidence. The pride in a job well done. I know it takes a while. I know 1-2 pound per week is my M.O. And I have ALWAYS been okay with this. Up till now.
Now, I am just tired and want it done.
I am soooo tired suddenly, of counting calories. Of looking at pictures and picking only the ones that hide my double chin. Of putting on pants that are too tight or show too many rolls.
I know I hate all of this.
But I have no idea how to CONTINUOUSLY chanel that into action and progress…
I havent lost my mojo. Or my desire. I have somehow lost the ability to lose even ONE pound a week. And I MUST try to find out why.
Age?
Does a few years make that much difference? (I dont know. Really.)
Has all the loss and re-gain (Like 30 times!) messed up my body so bad???
I truly dont have the answers. All I know is that of ALL my restarts, this one has been the hardest.
Prior to last week, I had been on plan for almost 7 weeks. With NO RESULTS. And that is a first for me. Honestly.
And it was a very hard pill to swallow.
But, I am loving Jo’s enthusiasm. Catrina’s dedication. Angie’s return. Kama’s progress. And countless other buddies who continue to inspire me even when I fail to inspire myself.
I havent given up. As much as I whine about it and dream about a life with no exercise, calorie counting, food journals, etc…I know this is not the life for me. I know this. I have spent enough time on this journey to know that these things, in some way, will define me for the REST of my existance. Plain and simple.
I was not graced with a good metabolism, skinny genes, whatever. I have/had two parents that are obese. Sister who has fought this fight. This is my life. And I will deal with it and accept it. But yeah, even I sometimes cry out at the unfairness of it all…
But anyway, I dont know EXACTLY what my game plan is, for I think I need to be somewhat flexible and let it play itself out…Catrina, I did ready your advice and am considering reviewing my protein.
But for now, for the immediate future, and by immediate, I mean today. (Why wait till tomorrow, right?)
Here is my plan:
I need a small break from counting calories. I have been doing it for YEARS. I can do it in my sleep. I very rarely even need books or the internet because I know how to figure calories quite accurately. Rarely these days am I suprised by a caloric count on an item. I need a change. I have done fat grams. I have done points. I have tried, with NO success Atkins. Slim Fast. Etc.
One thing I have NOT tried on this journey, is to simply eat healthy without any calculation.
Its a risk. But I am willing to try it. Short term.
So, here it is:
Exercise. This is a must for me. So for now, I am going to increase my workouts DAILY. For me, a FULL hour, no excuses, no leave earlies, etc…FIVE days minimum, per week.
Food Journal. Will still keep this. Will log my food and exercise, but I will NOT assign a point value or caloric value to it. I will simply list my food out.
Thats it, really. Its going to be VERY difficult. I am very much a creature of habit. Very much like my routines. I need the exercise. I need the food journal.
But I also need to be able to focus on one thing for now, and I have chosen to focus on exercise and resculpting my body again. It has changed alot int he last few years with the loss and regain of 10 pounds here and 10 pounds there.
I am going to try this for a few weeks…And then reaccess…If I feel no different, then I will start counting something, but most likely NOT calories. Maybe go back to weight watchers or try fiber and protein. I just dont know yet.
My body is telling me that SOMETHING I am doing right now is NOT working. And instead of wallowing in self pity, I MUST listen to my body and see if I can help it out…
Thanks everyone for all your advise and support. I will SOMEDAY be triumphant over this monster. I swear it!!!!
I understand that point of wanting something different. For me personally, I screwed up the last time (5 years ago I think) when I hit 199 doing WW. I needed a break and let it go too long then let life interfere. I didnt just take a break I took and extended Vacay! Anyway…not saying that it will happpen to you, just that I understand…geez I ramble.
Sounds like you have a good plan set, I hope it works well for you
Oh Dawnie….I hate that I know EXACTLY how you feel. It’s been my story for the last three years. There were two or three people on the site who were jerks about it and told me that if I really wanted to lose the weight, I would’ve done it. They came on here, lost what they needed to lose, reached goal and went on their merry lives, all the while ATTEMPTING to make me feel like a failure…but you see Dawnie, NO ONE can make us feel that way unless we allow them. So off they went….and I found much joy when one of the women came back…she had gained back a significant amount of weight!! I didn’t rub it in her face, but I thought….well now Ms. Know-It-All, it’s just not that easy IS IT? I know you have the DRIVE, the WANT, the NEED to reach your goals. I know, like I know in my personal life, that we have what it takes…..why we sabotage ourselves? Why we allow our stalled progress to derail is to the point of near impossibility, is beyond me. All I can say is this…no matter WHAT darling, DON’T stop exercising!! I swear by exercise, I always feel better when I do it consistently!! I’m with you too Dawnie, we WILL conquer this monster. I have absolute faith in you!!
Gosh darn Austrian accent.
Dawn, I’m glad to see you back on and keeping at it. There are moments on this journey I just want to throw my hands in the air and give up but the inner person who wants this bad enough says no way. You have that voice too!
You can do it! I believe in you. Are you still going to the gym? Working on gaining muscles and sculpting is a great idea. Have fun Dawnie!
That’s one of the reasons why I joined buddyslim. I was seeing results, but they were minimal. I just needed that support system and only a couple days in I’m already getting it. I’m pretty sure the people who have been on here longer will have better words of advice for you, but I think you should be proud of yourself for realizing that you just needed a change. Increasing your workout times and no longer making excuses to leave early while also logging the foods you eat. Don’t let what happened yesterday, the day before, months ago, years ago alter what can happen today and from here on out! Best of luck!
Good luck with your plan! I support you!
You go, girl I know you can do it!
Big HUGS!
You have a good plan, and I think it is good to continually reasses what we are doing..just as you have. Best of luck to ya! I know you will do it!
Have a great week!!!
*by the way…beautiful picture of YOU!
Dawnie, my friend, I know this is hard for you and I’m SO proud of you for NOT giving up and throwing in the towel. This new plan is a little different for you, but you can do this! If you need me, you know I’m here for you in a heartbeat!
Definately up your protein girlie. That’s what I did and I’ve lost a pound a week the past 2 weeks. And I havent felt hungry!!!! It’s brilliant! Another thing I’m doing is setting myself a monthly goal. This month’s goal is to lose 5lbs. And you know what… I know I can do it because it’s such a small amount over the course of a month.
You can do this. We all have down times when we feel we just cant do it anymore. When we feel like our body just wont shed the fat. But you can do it if you persevere.
It is so much tougher and I do not know why either. I have ideas because this is what I study, but I think we just might require some consistancy, maybe? I do not know. This is such a useless comment, but I felt like I just needed to read your words today. YOU ARE ALWAYS such a source of wisdom.
Cheers Dawnie to us finding out confidence. I know it is in us. I still recall your St.Patty’s day pic and all your hottie pics. No matter what you shine bright. Thanks for sharing your words and your journey. You can do it!
I said I would not do WW points, but I am so doing WW for a week or so. I LOVE it and it works. I know 28 points is my magic number…any less I do not lose as fast or at all and any more, well it depends on my activity but 28 is golden. I will give this a whirl.
Have a great day Dawnie!