I think I am giving up…
Ugh. Last night really sucked.
Not diet wise. But life wise.
WARNING: This blog contains ExHusband Rants and Mother Rants and has very little to do with weight.
My ex and I officiall separated in August of 2007. Since then, I have done everything in my power to make our separation and subsequent divorce cordial. I have tried like crazy to retain a freindship between us. It has been hard. Let me tell you. One of the hardest things I have EVER done, and let me tell you. I have had some difficult times in my life…
I think I have now come to the conclusion it simply cant be done.
Last night I found out he DELIBERATELY did something to upset me. He did it knowing I would be upset. How do I know this? Because when I DID find out, I called him. His very first response? “I knew you would be upset…”
If you knew, then WHY would you do it? This man confesses to still care about me. More than once he has mentioned his hope we will get back together. Yet, last night, in the course of a nasty phone call, he called me CRAZY. My family CRAZY and told me I was acting like my father. (Thats a jab in itself) I was soooo disappointed when I hung up. I couldnt beleive, even as a friend, saying things like that to someone. Deliberately pushing their buttons to the point of tears.
So we hang up not so pleasantly, and I call my mom. I was sad. I just wanted my mommy.
My mother and Iused to be close. My mother has suffered from depression, anxiety, and bi polar disorder her ENTIRE life. I thought if anyone could understand, it would be her.
I am having a VERY hard time adjusting to my new life in Florida. Period. And I just wanted to cry.
My mothers first response? “What did you do to that poor man now Dawn?” Did I fail to mention that my family adores my ex husband? That MOST of them think I made the biggest mistake of my life?? That I THINK they would pefer HIM to me??
But thats what the ex is good at. Putting on this super sweet guy act in front of everyone. He HATES being the bad guy. Very VERY few people ever saw the man he really was. The man that eventually made me want to leave. And for the most part, I have played along. I have taken MOST of the blame for our marriage. I took the greatest loss as far as belongings, house, etc…I received a 20k dollar settlement and turned it right back around and paid OUR debt. I have, I feel, gone above and beyond…
So mom contiues to bitch. I say “I have no one to talk to down here” (Now, keep in mind, I am down. I am depressed.) Her repsonse? “Well, Dawn, You knew that going down there”. Ummm. Yes. Thats what you want to hear.
So mom and I fight. It ends HORRIBLY.
Now, mind you. I am NORMALLY a strong person. I have relied VERY little on my mother in the last five years of my life. WHY? Because in 2003 my mom had a complete mental breakdown for OVER TWO YEARS, she was a walking zombie. So strung out on morphine she couldnt even function. In and out of hospitals. Guess who was there for her??? ME. ONLY ME. My sister was in Japan. I took her to the doctors. Bought her groceries. Payed her bills. This is what you do…
She told me last night she cant relate to me any more and hasnt been able to in years. Great. Thank you for adding to my already shitty night mom. Thats what EVERY daughter wants to hear…
So, finally, I call my older sister. And she answered. And she talked me through it all. And even though my sis and I have a very sister relationship. Meaning we love and hate each other simultaneously sometimes, last night she completely and utterly stepped to the plate. We talked for over an hour. She helped me more than she will EVER know…
So today I awake sad. Just sad. Because I know that in order for me to move on, and settle into my new life here in Florida, I need to cut loose ALL my ties to my ex husband. Which is hard, because we still have shared debt. A house we need to sell, and pets I love…
But I know I need to. For me. For Brian.
Brian.
Did I mention I have one of the greatest boyfriends in the world? Seriously. He has tolerated ALL of this. Every little thing I talk to him about openly and honestly. I withold nothing from him. And he loves me no matter how many faults I inform him I have.
If there is a man on earth who deserves my love, its him.
Yet, I feel in order to completely give myself to him, I need to completely let go of my old life in Ohio.
And I have no idea how to do that…
Ugh.
Sorry for the very long vent. Thanks for listeing.
Oh, I ended up eating at eight p.m. last night due to all this drama. UGH. Still finished the day under 1300 calories, but still…NOT about to let this kind of drama to keep me from my goal…
get a lawyer to manage the sale of the house , let the contact with ur X be between the lawyer and ur X and the only one you’ll have to talk to is the lawyer . you gotta great man now if he’s puttin up with the X . i cant deal with my husbands x-wife .
im glad your sister was there to help you feel better . its hard moving far away . ive lived here for 3 years and none of my family are close so i feel all alone here most of the time .
im sorry if im out of bounds here , but i think you should cut ALL contact with your X so you can start getting over it . i dont know , just a thought .
im glad you aint gonna the drama of it keep you from hitting your goals ! hang in there !
Sorry things are so crazy for you, family drama is just awful. Just try to stay positive and besides, you have a loving BF which helps a ton in those situations..
Hope your day is going better. (((HUGS)))
Hey girl…I totally agree, although you have joint debt and things that still have you I guess you would say semi-attached to your ex…I really think it is best to cut off relations altogether from him. I think it will benefit everyone involved and give you much less stress. Great job with keeping up with the diet and exercise even though you are going through a tough time. Keep up the good work =] Hope everything works out ok for you hun.
You know, our problems are not the same, but boy have I felt that way and it was just this week. Cant give up though girl…you sound like your pretty strong, and that there is a bit of a fighter in your soul. Give yourself a little time to deal with all this, this is some hard stuff girl.
Love Debbie
Dawn, I feel for you so much. I’m having a confrontational conversation with my own Mom tonight and it may break my ties with her. But then again, it may be for the best. I know how confusing and dperessing it can be to love someone like you Mom so much, and then have them kick you in the teeth when you’re feeling down. Yo’re a stronger person than I am because I have a feeling you have it in you to forgive.
I hope you feel better today Dawn. I’ll be thinking of you
(((((((((Dawn)))))))) I know it is hard, and yes you do need to cut those ties. I had to also. I agree, maybe get someone to tie up the loose ends for you?
Dawn…I hardly know what to say…Im sorry for the pain youre in and all the crap nonsense. It sounds like the ex just wanted to hurt you because maybe he is hurt by your not being with him. NO excuse…just wondering out loud I guess. Im so glad your sister was there for you tho… Hang in there…sending hugs your way ((((Dawn))))
I am sorry for what you are going through,Keep your chin up and focus on Brian. I know its not easy, nothing worth it ever is,but cut your ties, it seems necessary!And when you need to vent, we are all here for you!
Thank you so much everyone. I am much better today…Still really angry and disappointed at my mother…Frustrated with the ex, but trying to formulate a plan to slowly break off our connections, both financial, and otherwise…THANK YOU!!!
Sounds like you’re putting things in perspective Dawnie…I suspect that if ever I divorce my husband, the same thing will happen to me, my family would take his side….but so be it. As long as you know the truth, you will be ok. And as far as Steve is concerned, patience darling, as you said, you unfortuntely still have to deal with him…so hang in there!