Dawn’s Weight Loss Journey

That’s right….

We all fall down from time to time. Some of us fall MULTIPLE times…And there is NO SHAME in falling…There is only shame if you lay there and refuse to get up!!!!!

Sooo, here I am. Pulling myself up. AGAIN. (I have lost count of how many times I have done this!)

And you know what?

I will do it a thousand more times over the course of my life if I have too. I will fight this battle till my dying day. I know this. For my mother and father were/are both overweight, and it is forever in my mind.

So contrary to what my blog may have portrayed yesterday, I am actually doing much better…

I think yesterday was just my anger and frustration explosion.

But today has been filled with action. Today has been a good day.

Every day I learn more. About myself. My journey. My destination.

Thank you to all of you who left comments. I appreciate the support.

A lot of times I need to get very very angry before I get to work. And that’s what yesterdays blog was. The storm before the action.

So, through the course of the last few days, I have cried. Screamed. Yelled. Reflected. And read.

I have read everything I could online to help motivate me. To placate me. To keep my mind occupied…

I started with the Biggest Loser. I watched the finale. I was inspired.

Then I went to the Today Show website to read up on past winners and where they are now. Do you know what??? MANY of the former contestants AND WINNERS, have regained some weight. Some of them SIGNIFICANTLY.

Of the stories they highlighted, I would say about 75% of them gained at least 15 pounds, and in most cases, 40 pounds!!!!

No. I am not happy about that, and that is not why I mention it. I feel for them. For sure. But, I guess it was nice to know that EVERYONE on this journey stumbles. There is no magic. Even on a reality show.

Then, I found out that Oprah’s next issue will talk about her weight gain. OPRAH. I have been a fan of hers for years. Love her or hate her, you can NOT deny her her success and hard work. And I love the fact she goes public with her weight loss. And gains!!

Again, it proves to me no matter how much money you have, weight loss is still a struggle. (I cant wait to read this article)

Then I came back here.

You see, when I am down, depressed, wallowing in self pity, I withdraw. From my friends. Family. Even this site. ESPECIALLY this site. Its just what I do. I don’t know why because ALWAYS this site brings me back. ALWAYS.

Blogging is my drug. True. I love it. It is soooo healing to get it out.

I have never blogged for others. Only me. But it makes my day when someone else has read what I wrote, and it’s a double prize if they can relate even a little.

I also love checking in on some of the buddy slim success stories…For inspiration.

And, I also like to know when those same successes have trouble too. It helps me. Not because I wish that on ANY of my buddies, but it is sooo helpful to know I am not alone. That I did not do something horrific to get here where I am.

Its nice to know I am human too. Just like everyone else here.

So, all this came to a head yesterday in the blog I posted…And today, I awoke refreshed and ready for action…Pity party was over. Time to go home.

I started by actually getting dressed, hair done, make up on. I have NOT been doing this due to depression and lack of motivation. I am not working, so what’s the point, right? Wrong. Looking like shit makes me FEEL like shit.

Step one, get dressed in NORMAL clothes and put a face on!!!

Then I put on a pair of Capri’s I bought yesterday. They are a size bigger than I am currently in, because yesterday in my depression, I had convinced myself I have gone up at least a size in the last month. Yes, I know. Its crazy. But its what this journey does to us sometimes.

Low and behold, they were too big! WAY big actually, and they are 100% cotton, NO SPANDEX. I am wearing them, because they are super cute and super comfortable, but I was STOKED that they were too big…Meaning I am still in the same size I was a month ago…

Then, I went to Barnes and Noble for a gift and found the CUTEST little journal. It is a nice red suede covered journal. Quite fancy for me. I usually just go with the 3.99 supermarket special. This one was 8 bucks, but you know what? I liked it. I needed a new fitness/food journal, so I splurged!!

Step two, get back to journaling EVERYTHING I eat and do.

Then, I did something I was afraid to do.

I went to a gym. A REAL gym.

I actually went yesterday to check it out. That’s right. I was scared. And depressed. And miserable, but I went.
Today, my decision made, I went back to join.

This is a HUGE deal for me. I have NEVER belonged to a real gym. I never needed too. I had a nice fitness center in my condo complex in Ohio. And that’s where I have gone for the last five years…

At first, it was hard for me to justify the money. Forty bucks per month!!!
But then, I thought, You know what??? I drop 30-40 bucks at one time AT LEAST once every two weeks on a meal out with friends…So pony up the cash and quit whining! I NEED THIS. This is an investment in myself…Plain and simple…
So I did it. I joined, I talked to Johnny Workout dude, and I didn’t even flinch.

Its GOLDS GYM and its 24 hours. Five miles from home. They have a ton of free classes. Free trainers. A woman’s only section and the coolest thing????

CARDIO THEATER…That’s right. They play a movie in a theater for you while you work out on a treadmill, bike, or elliptical. VERY COOL.

Step Three, GO TO THE GYM!

And so tomorrow, at 9 a.m., for the first time in my life, I am meeting with a personal trainer. I am stoked.

A new, scary thing, crossed off my list…

I am BACK on the path to finding myself again. And I am excited.

I know that I may fall a dozen more times in 2009, but I am going to try my hardest to keep my eye on the prize and make 2009 the year I FINALLY find the woman I was meant to be…