Out of the mouth of babes…
So…First off…Thank you to all of you who helped me during my little meltdown.
Your feedback and advice was read and processed.
I am doing my best to actually apply it! 
(Isnt that always the hardest part?)
So, I have a few things in my mind that I will work on. LITTLE goals as Catrina calls them. Today my goal was to walk at my lunch. And I have done that.
Sooo. I just need to clear the cobwebs and obsessive thoughts from my mind and focus on the good good good.
So, as previously mentioned, I am meeting my boyfriends kids this weekend for the first time. They are 4 and 6. A boy and a girl.
I am incredibly excited and happy. And also scared to death.
Why? Why would I be so scared of two little people, who by all accounts, are good kids.
I have 13 nieces and nephews and reign supreme and bask in the fact that I am the “FAVORITE AUNT” I am the fun aunt. The one that gets down on the floor with them and plays with the toys, colors, etc…
Even though I have no kids of my own, I have always wanted them. Always enjoyed them. And have always done well with them.
So what could be my problem??
Well. I am ashamed to even say it…Truly…
But because my self confidence is at its lowest point in over two years…I am scared to death that when they first meet me they are gonna say “Daddy, why is she fat?”
Yep. That is my fear.
And I could never blame them or get angry at them for stating a fact.
Its true. I am indeed fat. And in comparison to their mother, I am even fatter. She is 125 pounds and has never had a weight issue. Apparently, no one in her family does either…So the kids are not really surrounded by obesity or weight…And this worries me…
This doesnt bother me with the boyfriend for I know he loves me as I am. I have no doubts actually…But the kids…The kids are different.
Kids say what comes to mind. And I am trying to prepare for that. WHile at the same time NOT letting it stick in my brain…
I feel ridiculous. Last year this wouldnt have even been a thought to me. But because mentally, I am at a low right now, its all I can do to NOT obsess about it…UGH…
And then I think, so what, what if they do? I smile, and agree, and move on…
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…………
I think I need a padded cell this week buddies!!!
oh for heavens sake you are such a silly girl. U are beautiful and so what if his ex is a skinny you know what he likes you enough to meet the kids. I never allowed my kid to meet my guy until I knew he was the one. Maybe that is how your b/f is. So what if the little buggers say it or worse tell the mom you are a little bigger then her. Kids are like that they can’t control their thoughts but you are a ton of fun Dawn believe me your going to be adored by them. Bring a small gift for each one something the dad knows they will like. That is what my husband did meeting my son and it worked. By the way my husband wears hearing aides and was worried my kid would think he was a alien. Sure my son had questions but they soon passed once he knew that he would love him as much as me
OMG, I hadn’t thought of that!! You’re right, kids do say the darnest things don’t they? Hmmmm…..you know I remember when my son was in Kindergarden and he came home one day, sad because another boy had made fun of him–he told my son, “your mom is fat.” I thought at the time that that would be my turning point, but it wasn’t. Like grown people you can’t control what comes out of the mouths of babes and UNLIKE grown people, you can rest assured that what they say does not come with malice—all you can do is brace yourself, remind yourself that you are working on it and that you have come a long way Dawnie! I know the kids will love you, like I said in your previous blog, if not right away, then in due time…you’re a wonderful woman Dawnie and I know that when you are down, it is harder for you to see what so many of us see in you—truth is, although we’ve never met face to face, I like you just fine whether you lose 60 lbs. or decide to say, to Hell with it!! I bet if you do your absolute best as far as eating and exercising this week, your mood and spirits will start to lift.
They will love you for you, once they get to know you! Kids do say the darndest things! My five year old grandaughter does it all the time! We are working on that with her. We want her to know what is acceptable and what is not. She told me one day when we were looking at pictures, NaNa that is when you were really fat now you are just a little fat! To her this was a compliment and the truth so I took it as such!
Have a good time when you get to meet your b/f children! STOP, worrying!
Big HUGS!
Thank you ladies. I really do appreciate your thoughts and insight…
I know I am being overly ridiculous here, but again, its that damn OCD. I think of EVERY worst case scenerio…REPEATEDLY…
I did, with their dads permission, pick them up small gifts…Nothing major as I didnt want to come off as bribing them to like me, but I went with my gut, and mygut says kids move on rather quickly, so even if there is an awkward moment, the gifts will erase it from their minds…
The boyfriend thinks I am being silly, and in reality, even at my heaviest weight, I only had one child ever say anything to me…And hers was just more of curiosness…My neice by marriage once asked me why I was fat…Of course I ended up in tears, but heck, not her fault!!!
So maybe I am just scared. This is a big moment in my life…
When you have been waiting for 16 years for children to be in your life, the arrival of them FINALLY, throws you a bit into a tailspin!!
THANKS LADIES…
I do adore all of you soooo much!!!
Oh my that is def a worse case scenerio. I still get a little edgy when my daughter tells her friends that her mommy has a “wobbly belly”. Whenever she watches me dressing or if she happens to burst in when I’m getting out of the shower she says, “wow mommy ur fat!”. Because my weight has caused me to develop a banger personality I usually just laugh it off and tell her to try having 3 kids! (lol)
You are a really good person and I am sure they will fall in love with you!
Girl, he is with YOU, not her. Kids will be kids, they will love you for you. Kids have a way of seeing underneath all that surface stuff anyways, even if they do put their foot in their mouth. You will be fine, you will see. Hugs, Kama
Be confident and don’t sell yourself short!
I think I was around my heaviest (300-311 pounds) when I observed a kindergarten class for my college practicum course (I was going for teaching at one point…) and I was very worried that I would be picked on or something. But I was shocked, the kids loved me! Some of them even wanted me to be their friend during class!
So don’t be so worried, it might not happen. I think we seem to worry about things happening, and then they don’t always happen.
I agree with everyone’s comment, you’re an amazing person - not that I know you personally but through your blogs and comments to other - you have a light about you that shines through greater then what the scale has to say.
The kids will love you. I’m sure you will have no problem winning them over.
Even though Rodney’s son is older and the mother is not in the picture, I was scared as hell the first time I met Mikah. But I stayed true to myself and won him over. It’s a little hard trying to show affection towards a 13 yr old, they don’t like it that much.
Goodl luck! Oh, did you throw the ciggies out?
I do the same thing - stupidly worry about worst case scenarios whenever I can. I’ve started wondering if maybe I like driving myself insane lol. I’m sure you’re going to be just fine and the kids are going to love you. It’s a scary situation for you; I’ve no doubt. Just do the best you can to try and relax….it’s going to be AWESOME I bet!
