Feeling a little overwhelmed…
Ugh…
I have been in my head too much yesterday and today…This is a fairly common occurance with me…
But, yesterday afternoon, a girlfriend and I were checking out the Biggest Loser website, and we were looking at the viewers weight loss gallery. (If you havent done so, check it out)
While many of the stories were incredible…Little by little I started feeling down…
Some of these people had dropped incredible amounts of weight. 60 pounds in six months. 100 pounds in eleven months…On and on…
Add that to a less than stellar day for me food wise yesterday. (It was my free day). I give myself one every week, but usually DONT go overboard…Yesterday, do to being down, I think you can say I went overboard…
Me and Chick Fil A became BFF’s yesterday…(I had never eaten there before!) 
Well, then, last night as I tried to sleep, it occured to me…
I have litterally wasted two years.
I am just about the same exact weight I was when I first stumbled upon buddyslim two years ago!!!
From September till December of 2006, I went from 207 to 185. 22 pounds in three months. Not too shabby.
I sit almost at that same weight now…
I try really really hard to be up beat. Positive. And to move on. But for some reason, today, this makes me sad.
I am sooo mentally in this game right now. And I know many of you know what that means. That means I am ready, everything clicked, and I want this bad enough…
However. I do have to ask myself why I keep falling OFF the wagon, and will I continue to do so. In 2010 will I be here again typing these same words???
I DONT WANT TO BE…
I want to be one of the quicker ones now.
I have never really wanted that before. Kind of liked taking my time. Gave me time to adjust to my new life style.
But FOUR YEARS??? OMG…
I dont think I can take it again.
I want this weight gone. And gone for good. And I want it gone quicker this time. And I dont know how to balance my impatience with my will to keep going…
I know I did 22 opunds in three months before. I want to do it again, and maybe even more this time.
But, in reality, I dont know what to do?
I work full time. And have an hour commute. I am already using my lunch break to walk. I work out for 45-60 minutes per night at the gym. What more can I give up?
Or more specifically. What am I WILLING to give up to attain that???
I am so tired now when I get home from the gym, often not till 8…My back hurts constantly…But I keep going…I feel old…But I keep going…
Do I just say screw it and add in another half hour? Do I reduce my calories even more??? UGH…
Just feeling a bit, UGH, today…Hate when my mind is ready, but my body is taking its sweet time. Dont get me wrong. I havent even weighed myself so I have no idea if I have lost or not. But I dont FEEL any smaller yet…And that makes me crabby…
Add into that dwelling too long on where I was two years ago, and I kinda feel like a bit of dejavu today…
I cant beleive I have come full circle here on buddyslim…Grrrrrrr…
WHY DID I ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN?? Silly me…
Well, to TRY to end on an upnote…I can at least say I am NOT 242 pounds still…That is the bright spot I suppose…
Sorry for the downer blog buddies…Hope you all have a rockin weekend…
I feel so much of what you wrote…I relate to your feelings so well at this moment. I know all the right things…why haven’t I done this yet. Its affected so many things in my life. I even ask myself, do I WANT to be fat?? I dont think so…
Hang in there and we’ll figure this out, cause I dont want to be in this same place in my life, typing these same words yet again a year from now. We are GOING to do it!! Oh yeah…Im siked now..uh huh
Dawn there’s no way that you are in the same place you were 2 yrs ago.
You have grown a lot along this journey and no not physically.
It is a journey and its taking time but look at all you have dealt with in the last two years.
Look at how you managed to hold it all together through some very difficult times with your relationships, with your back pain and surgery and more.
Did you throw in the towel and say screw it and go back to your old ways of eating and not exercising?
Nope
Did you gain all your weight back and more?
Nope you didn’t, even though you could have used a ton of excuses to do just that.
You are still in the game and going strong from what I can tell.
Just a down day and we all have them.
Keep moving forward your body will catch up with your head.
Your head that knows this is the time you are going to do it and you know what needs done and you know you are capable.
Hang in there
I suspect your frame of mind will be quite different when you step on that scale in a couple of weeks after doing as well as you have been lately.
One Chick Fil A won’t undo all the hard work you’ve done but I also know you aren’t going to make a habit of that, still we have to live a little right?
Don’t be so hard on yourself k?
Now go and enjoy your weekend, you deserve it
Lori
Don’t beat yourself up! Use this blog as your motivation. It’s certainly not the end of the world that you are at the same spot because the bigger issue here is that you aren’t giving up and you aren’t gaining. That is something to be proud of so SMILE!
Uh helloooo, wasting your time would have been to gain every ounce of weight back. Starting is hard, maintaining is hard, staying on track is hard, it’s all hard. Don’t feel down for too long. You have goals to reach and you have to do your best to stay postive and keep your mind straight and focus on the task at hand. People on the Biggest Loser have done some great things but they had a lot of help getting there. Sure they did the work but I could probably look amazing if I had a coach pushing me and cheering me on and I had every equipment I needed to get me there and time to do it. But, we are everyday people who have to work the time in and be our own cheerleaders. Sure, you may have to add in a little more time or cut something here or there but don’t even think about that just yet. Follow your regular plan and see what the results are. If you get good results for weigh in then keep doing the things you are doing. If the results are not what you want then worry about changing things up then. Stay positive now. Make a plan for the week, sign it if you have to like a contract and do it. Let’s finish the last part of this year strong.
Those people are on a quest to lose weight. I am on a quest to change me. So what if it takes years? Just don’t lose sight of one important thing. Life doesn’t stop on the way to goal. It’s really not the destination, it’s the trip and that’s where we’re living now… On the road. (again) lol
Honey don’t get too hard on yourself you have maintained that is a victory in itself. Try not to compare yourself to others just because someone has 2 hours a day to workout doesn’t mean that that is right for you. Dawn honestly look at your before/ after pictures be amazed with yourself. I think we are obsessed with a number I know I am you are a wonderful person your blogs have moved me and I know others also. So what if you are not moving down don’t beat yourself up just continue to make good choices and movement it will come off. They say the slower it comes off more likely it will stay off. Be proud of yourself
Thank you…You guys are the best…I am sooo glad I returned to buddyslim…Kind of like coming home…I have been on track all day, which is great for me, for a football saturday!! Went to the gym as well as cleanned the hell out of my house…So feeling a bit better…Just feeling wayyyy impatient today to be as hott on the outside as I see myself inside…Thanks ladies!!!!
I am so glad you returned too!
I have been here for over two years now myself. I really thought I was going to lose all of my weight by now too! I was feeling really down on myself about that, but then I got to thinking, I am okay! I am still here, I have lost 98 lbs.! I may fall of track a lot, but I always get back on. I am still here and I am slowly losing the weight. I am learning this is a life long commitment not a quick fix. I didn’t gain this weight overnight and I sure as heck won’t lose it overnight. We are just taking a different route on this journey, we will get there in our own time! You motivate me and inspire me to continue!
Big HUGS!
OMG I love Chick Fil A with all my heart. I found that restaurant about 15 years ago when we moved to North Carolina and ate there often for the four years we lived there. Never had any here in Southern California until about a year ago. Been a little bit of Heaven for me ever since lol. I haven’t been there in a few months now though, as I do make it the rare treat.
Don’t be down on yourself…you caught yourself before you put too much weight back on and that is a good thing. To have put it all back on and maybe even more, that would’ve been just horrible and then I could see you beating yourself up.
You’ve been on an incredible journey and you have made so much progress in so many ways! Hang in there!
If two years ago you were as dynamic and inspiring as you are today, then I’m glad you are the same. Based on all the comments above, it appears that you are well loved, cared for and supported. We shall conquer our journey for better health together. We stick together girlfriend. You are never on your walk alone.
Ok. Stop, breathe and please, DON’T think. Your thought process right now is counterproductive to what we are trying to achieve. Forget the past, focus on the present and keep your eye on the future. If you must look at the past, look at the success you’ve had and gain strength from KNOWING that you CAN do it because YOU HAVE DONE IT IN THE PAST! Unlike people who are barely venturing out on their own and have absolutely NO IDEA if they can do this, YOU ALREADY KNOW YOU CAN!! And if my words aren’t helping you as much as I sincerely hope they do, please refer to my blog 50 Weight Loss Tips—read the one about not comparing yourself to others…and read it again and again and again if you have to!! C’mon Dawnie, give yourself a break, you have gone through so much these last two years and yet, you’re still hanging on for dear life to your goals! Let’s stop this negative thinking dead in its tracks, k?
Oh, your thoughts in this post remind me of so many rants I have had in my head… like you, I overthink everything. I recently discovered that the only way to get past overthinking is to take action. Get out there and do what you have been thinking. As you read (in my last post), I didn’t take action for a long time, I hoped it would just resolve on its own - and then life stepped in and MADE ME take action. So, that is my advice to you! The last few years have not been a waste, they have been there to teach you something, so that you can take the action you need to when you are ready. Are you ready?