Dawn’s Weight Loss Journey

Good morning buddies…

 Sorry I was MIA all weekend…As you know, the BF was in from Florida, and well, we kept pretty busy…(Get your minds outta the gutter!!!) LOL…

We went to a football game on Friday night (Highschool) Saturday we went tailgating (Ohio State Buckeyes) Sunday we went to a place in town called German Village. (Think cute, quaint brick streets, shops, etc…)

So, my eating was not stellar…And my workouts irregualar, BUT, we did a hell of a lot of walking…So I dont feel horrible…

I know I am continuing to do my thing, so my attititude is kinda like this: In the big scheme of my weight loss journey, three days is not gonna make or break it…

I sent him off yesterday, and today, I am geared up and ready to go again…Will walk on my lunch break, work out tonight, and keep on keepin on…

My goal for the week is FIVE DAYS of workouts…With no break until Sunday…

TOM is here. And, well, he sucks. But I am tryin to ignore him…

Okay. So all the other stuff…The previously mentioned interview??? Well…I had TWO phone interviews last week with a MAJOR employer. One you ALL KNOW OF…They must have liked me. For they are FLYING ME DOWN TO FLORIDA for an interview next Monday…OMFG!!!!

Now. I am excited. Nervous. And scared.

I am ready for the next chapter of my life to start and overall, I feel very calm and good about my decision to relocate from Ohio to Florida.

BUT…I am scared.

I am 36 years old and have never really lived on my own. How sad is that????

I have spent most of my life in Ohio.

I have always been surrounded by family and friends and pets.

Starting out in Florida, I will have NONE…

And I am worried. I am worried about finanances…Worried about moving, how to, when, etc…Worried about finding a good safe, but cheap place to live…Will the town have a cheap gym I can join??? Will my family and friends visit me??? What about Christmas?? Will I spend it alone??? UGH…It goes on and on…

My OCD is in overdrive…

So I keep telling myself to BREATHE…To take one step at a time…Its okay to plan ahead, but they havent even offered me the job yet and they may not…But buddies…It is sooo hard…

Things are movin quick now. And honestly, when the dust settles, it is always best for me when things DO happen so fast I dont have time to think about them…But this is a big one…

I feel like I am very much walking out the door of one life, and knocking on the door of my next one…

So, I will be a bit spotty over the next week or so…But I am still here. Still doin my thing and wishin you all the best with your things…

Take care buddies!!!!!

“I’m here to start a one girl revolution
I’m not a barbie doll, shopping mall, silicone substitution
I thought I told ya
I’m a soldier
And I’m not leaving til the battle’s over
One girl revolution”

~Saving Jane

Happy Thursday All!!

Well…I am nearly giddy this morning…THREE big things going on today for Miss Dawn…

ONE: Today, the boyfriend arrives in from Florida, for a weekend visit…I am pretty darn excited to see him again…And I dont mind saying, I look pretty damn cute today…LOL!!

TWO: I have a second interview today for a position that I want very much. One that I do beleive could help change my future…So send me some good vibes please…

THREE: And this is a BIG ONE…Do you all have your Mickey Mouse ears on??? Come on!! Come in closer…

Remember the skirt blog from just TWO weeks ago?? The skirt that was just a skirt, but still didnt fit me???

I put it on today….Cue the drum roll…………………………………..

It fits. Right up over the hips. No fancy manuevering. No laying on the bed. It zipped up no problems…HOLY FREAKIN HOTTNESS BATMAN…

I have no idea how much I have lost, because I still refuse to weigh…But it must be several pounds I am thinkin…For two weeks ago I had about three inches to go before the zipper would even close!!! GOOD GRIEF!!

I am soooo stoked…I soooo needed this!

Me and the scale are still squaring off. I am a Taurus…And therefore, as stubborn as hell. Hardheaded. Whatever name you want to call it. I am that.

Dont get me wrong. Regular weigh ins are a MUST to keep yourself on track. But…I have learned myself very well during this journey. And for me. Right now. This is what I need to do. I fight it EVERY morning. Trust me. Because on top of being stubborn, I am also very very curious…

But, I can not be derailed right now. ANd the scale makes me focus too much on numbers that I dont need to be thinking of right now…

So…Thats me…

Thanks so much for the WONDERFUL insights into my last blog about childhood obesity…I was asked by my buddy Robert about the stats of Smoking vs. Obesity. I dont think any of us need to run out and become smokers, but this kind of illustrates some of those poings…

So happy weigh ins everyone!!!

Here is the article:  http://www.webmd.com/diet/news/20030515/obesity-costs-rival-smoking 

 

 

So very much inspired by a fellow buddies blog (Rae)…

Her blog spoke to the “Morality” of Obesity…

Not being a religious minded person…I myself dont consider it moral or imoral…However, when reading her blog I could certainly see how certain groups would see that…I know many religions dont beleive in drinking, smoking, and tatoos, because of the body being a temple…

So I can certainly see how obesity would fit in those categories…

It was a great blog and really got my mind going back to a subject that I am EXTREEMLY passionate about and have bloged about…

CHILDHOOD OBESITY…

I was at work just last week talking about a special I had seen on TLC…It was about obese kids and different things they were doing…I can not remember the name of the program, but my friend and I were watching it in disbelief…

This kids were not merely chunky…They were morbidly obese…

They young girl they were highlighting was trying to get liposuction. Her mother supported this…And I beleive she was 15 or 16…I beleive the girl was at or around 300 pounds…

This sparked many debates teh next day at work…

As a parent…If your child is MORBIDLY obese, do you, in fact, have to take the responsibility for that??

Could that be considered child abuse?? If so, why? If not, WHY NOT??

And the second question to debate, SURGERY…Weight loss surgery of any kind…HOW YOUNG IS TOO YOUNG…

I would really like to hear you all weigh in on this. For we are the experts, no?

Here is where I stood during the work debate…

I am not a parent, and I think its important to state that…My answers might be different if I were…BUT, I do think, up to a certain point that a parent is completely and utterly repsonible for what their child consumes…After a certain age, nope…Sixteen, I was drving, buying my own junk…

But up to that point, seriously, I ate what my mom fixed, or I didnt eat. Period…

I have 14 nieces and nephews, and I know that many in my family circle allow thekids to dictate what they will eat…I cant fathom that at all!!!

Is it considered child abuse? I think in some cases, it could be…You are essentially allowing your child to indulge and welcoming a lifetime of hurt, insults, physical and mental problems…You are assisting them to arrive to an early grave…

Weight loss surgery? I think its ridiculous for ANY person under the age of 18 to use this…ANY kind of cosmetic surgery. You are not even done growing and developing…And I do personally feel its a band aid for a bigger, deeper rooted problem…

So those are my views…What are yours??? I would truly like to know…

So lets hear it!!!

Good morning buddies…THANK YOU to all of you who commented on my last blog…

You guys really did help me…

I threw a bit of a pity party for myself Saturday…I sent out fancy invites, but nobody but me showed…I had a great time though…Dancing. Chatting with myself. LOL…

By mid day I had done a lot of chores, and then I went and worked out…I stayed on plan all day Saturday which was a good feeling for a weekend, so I ended up okay…

I am still a bit down, but I will be fine…

I think my body is just telling me to slow down a bit…And yes, thats frustrating…

When your mindset is LETS GO….LETS LOSE THIS WEIGHT…It is very disappointing to have your body say NOT SO FAST SISTER…

For those who might not know, I had back surgery 6 weeks ago. And although I am doing overall very well, my body is starting to hurt more and more each morning. And my sleep is now interuppted with some discomfort.

My doctor said to let my body be my guide…

My guide is saying “DUDE. I NEED A REST”

So this is of course stressing me out. How can I lose 20 pounds by Christmas when my body is on hiatus???

Ugh.

Well, after much thought, I have decided to try working out every other day, instead of 4-5 days in a row with a day break in between…

I think this will allow my muscles, my back, to recover a bit in between…I will try this for a few weeks and see if that doesnt help…I refuse to stop working out all together…But I guess I could reduce the intensity of my workouts…

Anyway…The eating is going well…I am logging in my journal everything…Even on my “Free” days…I am staying between 1200 and 1300 calories per day…

And although I am frustrated and extreemly impatient, I am starting to feel better…My body is already starting to look different again…And I am glad…

I am logging in here every day and reading blogs…THIS IS A HUGE MOTIVATOR…I reply when I can…And I am glad to have buddyslim back in my life…Sure did miss this place…

Rock on everyone!!!

Ugh…

I have been in my head too much yesterday and today…This is a fairly common occurance with me…

But, yesterday afternoon, a girlfriend and I were checking out the Biggest Loser website, and we were looking at the viewers weight loss gallery. (If you havent done so, check it out)

While many of the stories were incredible…Little by little I started feeling down…

Some of these people had dropped incredible amounts of weight. 60 pounds in six months. 100 pounds in eleven months…On and on…

Add that to a less than stellar day for me food wise yesterday. (It was my free day). I give myself one every week, but usually DONT go overboard…Yesterday, do to being down, I think you can say I went overboard…

Me and Chick Fil A became BFF’s yesterday…(I had never eaten there before!)

Well, then, last night as I tried to sleep, it occured to me…

I have litterally wasted two years.

I am just about the same exact weight I was when I first stumbled upon buddyslim two years ago!!!

From September till December of 2006, I went from 207 to 185.  22 pounds in three months. Not too shabby.

I sit almost at that same weight now…

I try really really hard to be up beat. Positive. And to move on. But for some reason, today, this makes me sad.

I am sooo mentally in this game right now. And I know many of you know what that means. That means I am ready, everything clicked, and I want this bad enough…

However. I do have to ask myself why I keep falling OFF the wagon, and will I continue to do so. In 2010 will I be here again typing these same words???

I DONT WANT TO BE…

I want to be one of the quicker ones now.

I have never really wanted that before. Kind of liked taking my time. Gave me time to adjust to my new life style.

But FOUR YEARS??? OMG…

I dont think I can take it again.

I want this weight gone. And gone for good. And I want it gone quicker this time. And I dont know how to balance my impatience with my will to keep going…

I know I did 22 opunds in three months before. I want to do it again, and maybe even more this time.

But, in reality, I dont know what to do?

I work full time. And have an hour commute. I am already using my lunch break to walk. I work out for 45-60 minutes per night at the gym. What more can I give up?

Or more specifically. What am I WILLING to give up to attain that???

I am so tired now when I get home from the gym, often not till 8…My back hurts constantly…But I keep going…I feel old…But I keep going…

Do I just say screw it and add in another half hour? Do I reduce my calories even more??? UGH…

Just feeling a bit, UGH, today…Hate when my mind is ready, but my body is taking its sweet time. Dont get me wrong. I havent even weighed myself so I have no idea if I have lost or not. But I dont FEEL any smaller yet…And that makes me crabby…

Add into that dwelling too long on where I was two years ago, and I kinda feel like a bit of dejavu today…

I cant beleive I have come full circle here on buddyslim…Grrrrrrr…

WHY DID I ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN?? Silly me…

Well, to TRY to end on an upnote…I can at least say I am NOT 242 pounds still…That is the bright spot I suppose…

Sorry for the downer blog buddies…Hope you all have a rockin weekend…

Happy Freakin Friday!!! WOOT!!

I am stoked that today is Friday…

I also have TONNNNNNNS to say! (Who me??)

First of all…Have I been living under a rock? Truly?

Two weeks ago, I went on a quest…A DRINK quest…

As previously blogged, I drink water, tea, and diet pop. Diet pop is pretty much down to one-three per week. So I have been trying to find some replacement drinks…Soley for the purpose of putting healthier things in my body, and there is sooo much controversy surrounding artificial sweetners…

I even posted a thread about it over on my other website. I tried switching to some fruit juice for a while out of concern for the artificial sweetners. Well, a couple nutrionist over on my other site said that over all, diet pop, in most cases, is still better than fruit juice…

So, I kind of gave up for a while…

UNTIL YESTERDAY. My coworker stopped by and was drinking a bottle of FLAVORED water. It looked inviting…So she gave me a drink…

OMG!!! Buddies…I LOOOOVED IT…

Now. I knew they existed, but I have never ever tried them. I ASSUMED I wouldnt like them…Why?

Well, back once in the day, I had tried one of those flavored seltzer waters and I hated it…

 So in my head, I had nixed the flavored water…

What a dunce I am! I have been under a rock for sure…

I feel like whole new worlds have opened up for me!!! LOL…

I am now a fan, and am gonig out this weekend to stock up on some flavored water…

WOOT!!!

Sooo…What else?

Oh, I have been soooo hungry these last few days…Like OMG I cant stop thinking of food…I THOUGHT it was because I am working out pretty hard now…Then I was reminded last night by the ex husband…He was like “Dawn…You get this way EVERY year at this time…Its the weather change…”

He is soooo right!

For about two weeks EVERY year at this time, I get the urge to eat and hibernate…SO…I just hope I can survive…

Man…I soooo didnt want to work out last night…Was just mentally and physically drained…But…A friend of mine said GO..So I did…Even though I grumbled the whole time…I am glad I went…

Otherwise, I am feeling good. Gonna do some Fall cleanning this weekend…Gonna workout…Watch my Buckeyes play badly again…And basically just hang out at the house…

I want to get on the scale sooooooooooooooo bad, but am afraid if I get on it, and it hasnt moved, I will be devestated…Because I FEEL like I am doing great…It would suck if the scale didnt agree…So…I am still fighting the urge…I want to wait maybe two more weeks before I weigh in…

Okay. Thats it for me for now…

Hope you all have a very lovely weekend!!!

First, WELCOME TO BUDDYSLIM!!!

Second, please do not let this single day’s blog over shadow your thoughts of this site…

I am an old timer…I was on this site way back when Jesus was a kid…Okay…Maybe not THAT long ago…

But two years…There are very few people from that time still around actually…

Jo, Nikki and Mary, I think…And all of us have come and gone…

When I started here, there were MAYBE 15-20 blog posts per day.

The forums were here but NEVER used. As a matter of fact, I made it my goal that Fall to make a forum post EVERY SINGLE DAY…And it worked. It got people talking.

The site looked NOTHING like it does now…It was basic and generic…

Man, we all hated it when Dr. Marc forced us to upgrade!!!

Then in the winter of 06-07 some other long termers joined. Wonder Woman. Catrina. Many others…

Wonder Woman pretty much single handedly launched the team challenges…They simply didnt exist before that…

WE, the users, have made this site what it is, with Dr. Marc’s guidance and feeback…What a TERRIBLE shame it would be to walk away based on one squeaky wheel…

They say the squeaky wheel gets the grease…I say the squeaky wheel, if it squeaks to long, gets replaced!

So let me tell you what you will find here…

The occasional high school bullshit…True…OCCASIONAL…

Every now and then someone gets their panties in a twist and needs to sling mud…It happens…True. Its sad that it comes from an adult, but, well, you know…It happens…Every website I have been a member of has had this…

You will occasionaly run across somone you just dont like or relate too. FINE…

But also, you will get a fairly safe place to say what you need to say. In YOUR blog. YOUR thoughts.

You will find at least ONE person who thinks you are WONDERFUL.

You will find at least ONE person who thinks you are BEAUTIFUL.

And if you are really lucky, you will find MANY.

I have made some friendships on this site that go outside of this site. People I email regularly even when I am NOT on this site.

You will find challenges. Support. Laughter. Rants about jobs. Husbands. (And wives!) Kids. Dogs. Fat. Fat. Fat. Hell, you even get rants about being skinny. Its all here!!

We here at buddyslim are an ecentric little family. And like ALL families, we fight. We disagree. But we also love and support…

So.

Stick around for a few days. Make some buddies. And then decide if this site is right for you…

     “It takes two to quarrel, but only one to end it.”

So. As I keep movin right along (Cue the Muppets please!)

 

I thought it was important to note a few things I now do that I will always do. Little changes made here and there…These things I will take with me till always.

 

Sugar.

I don’t use it any more. I went from having a cup of coffee every morning with THREE TABLESPOONS of sugar. As a matter of fact, it was often asked of me “Would you like coffee with that there sugar?”

 

This was one of the first changes I made. I switched to Equal. After about a week, I was so used to it, I have never ever missed my sugar. I will never go back to sugar. I will continue to explore sweeteners to find the healthiest one for me. But NO MORE TABLESPOONS in my coffee.

 

Pop. (I am from
Ohio and yes, we say POP!)

I drank about two cans per day, and on the weekends 3-4. I was a RABID diet pop hater. I refused, even three months into my journey, to kill the pop. I went with water or without. Did NOT want to drink diet.

 

But, as with most things, I soon got bored. I love me some water, don’t get me wrong, but there is only so much I can drink before I get bored to tears.

 

So I ventured into diet pop. I now drink MAYBE one can every other day, and not even. I love Diet Orange Sunkist, Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper, and Diet Mt. Dew.

 

When I drink regular pop now its only if there are no other options, and very rarely, it tastes like syrup to me. I hate it.

 

Labels.

I read them all the time. Even when I am not on plan. It’s a habit. A good habit. I want to know what I am eating, even if it’s a 600 calorie donut!

 

Buffalo Wings.

Okay. So what’s with this? Well, prior to my journey starting, I can say I was HONESTLY addicted to them. I ate them at least once a week. Sometimes twice. With all the bells and whistles…RANCH DRESSING…YUM…

 

I still love them. And I will indulge a time or two, but I now have them MAYBE twice a year. And only six at a time as opposed to 12 or 15!

 

Portion Sizes.

Even when I fall off plan, my portion sizes remain fairly small. I just cant put away the amount of food I used too. Period. I get full quick even when I am being bad. This, I believe, is from four years on this journey.

 

And finally, and the one I am most committed to. THE GYM!

 

Now. I will NEVER be a gym bunny. Will never be one of those people that LOVES to work out. There are days I hate it. And days that I grumble to myself inside my head the whole time I am sweating. 

But…I realize that I need it. And will have to do it for the rest of my life.

 

You see, I could have dropped the weight, eventually, with eating changes alone. I am sure.

 

But. The changes to my body have been absolutely remarkable. And I could not have gotten there without the gym.

 

I mean, I REALLY wish I had taken nude pictures of myself before starting this journey. But EVERYTHING about me has changed and reshaped. My calves. My BUTT! (I LOVE MY BUTT!) I call it my elliptical butt. I never had a butt before.

 

Seriously. I come from a long line of family members with no butts!! True, it’s a bit fluffier these days, but its still cute!

 

My arms, while still fat, are muscular. My neck seems longer. All these things are from using different pieces of equipment at the gym. And I love it.

 

Coincidently, when I regained some of my weight this time, I gained it differently too, which is a direct result, I believe, of all my shape shifting.

 

I am in better shape now, at my current weight than I ever was as a teenager at a lower weight. I can endure lots of things now I never could before.

 

I love doing 5 and 10ks now. I wouldn’t have attempted it before.

 

Yes. The gym, more than any other change in my life, is one that I will never ever give up.

 

Sure. I take breaks from time to time, but I always return like a long lost puppy…

 

It helped me, for the most part of last year, actually maintain for awhile, even when my eating went to the dark side. Simply working out helped me to maintain for quite some time…(Eventually, it caught up with me of course, or I wouldn’t be here rambling on!)

 

So, in closing, I guess the point of this blog is this:

 

If you aren’t ready yet to dive head first into this journey, then start with little things. Even things you THINK you cant do. Baby steps. Small changes.

 

Little by little, the baby steps add up. And before you know it, the landscape around you changes, and you look back and realize how far you have come!

 

And the further you travel on your journey, the less important those things seem to be…

 

Little by little.

 

Some people come here, everything clicks, and they lose the weight within 4-6 months and they are done. And that’s great.

 

Some people, well, it takes longer.

 

Don’t get discouraged. Don’t get angry. JUST GET STARTED!!!!

 

There is no right or wrong way. There can only be YOUR way.

How many of us have seen that sign in our lives??

Since I commute to work, I see it almost daily on some roadway…

But this is just a quick one…

I am throwing myself back into buddyslim…Going to revamp my profile, update and post my weight ticker, take new pics and post them…All within the next week or so…

 So STAY TUNED…I am sure you are all at the edge of your seats!! I AM CURRENTLY UNDER CONSTRUCTION…Use caution!! LOL…

You see, buddyslim is what you make it. For a long time, it was my favorite place to hang. I used it for me first, and my buddies second. My true honest buddies. Ones I have relationships with that go beyond just the occasional blog reply. But, like a lot of people, I lost it for awhile.

So I am getting it back. I have told those in my life to deal with it. Buddyslim, the gym, eating right is going to take the TOP of my priority list…And everyone else will just have to wait.

See. This is something I have said from the get go and something I whole heartedly beleive. TO BE SUCCESSFUL AT THIS JOURNEY YOU MUST PUT YOURSELF AND YOUR WEIGHT LOSS FIRST…

I believe that. And its hard for others to take at first, they seem to think you are selfish…but for a bit of a risk up front, I do beleive we become better wives, mothers, friends, sisters, aunts, etc…

When we look better and feel better, then we can handle things much better…

For me, this means saying no for a while to the “Hey, lets go out to eat” invites from friends…It means telling my man I cant talk to him right now cause I am on my way to the gym. It means I start checking buddyslim first before I move onto my other on line communities…It means I take the time EVERY night to pack a nice healthy lunch for the next day no matter how tired I am…

So bare with me. I will be kind of revamping some things as I go along…

ANd to start with…I brought an old friend back…

The much loved and hated FOOD JOURNAL…

I admit it. I caved…

I dont think I can do it. My food journal is my crutch. I just felt without it, I was eating all the time and lost track of what I was eating…

So I got it out today and will continue using it for now…I need it. I like to see what I have had and what I can have. I am a visual person. I need the accountability of it…

I treat my calories like money…When they are gone they are gone…And I need to see them in order to do that…

So thats my confession…Everything else is on plan. I am working out daily and hard. My body aches DAILY. Still eating HEALTHY and now I am back to journaling…

Life is good for now! (Until I try on that damn skirt again! LOL)

Take care all!

(And I said it was gonna be short…HAH…Sorry!)

I have been composing this blog in my head all morning…And I am not even really sure where or how to begin…

Have you ever just woke up one day and felt different?

Well. I shouldnt say I woke up that way. Its been building all week. And I could definitely feel it. But this morning, it seems to have surfaced…

I feel like somehow, someone slipped into my room this week and replaced my eyeballs with new ones…

I seem to be able to handle life so much better these days. Look at situations completely differently. And I am learning to let go so much quicker…

And for some reason, I am completely and utterly focused on my end result. I dont care how I get there or what route I take. I can see it.

Yesterdays honesty blog helped a lot. And I am going to update my ticker and post CURRENT full length pics here shortly so I can continue to be honest with ME.

So. Let me try to pull this blog together.

Have been back on track now for about 6 weeks. Mentally, I am there…

Physically, well, lets just say I am incredibly impatient for my body to catch up to my dertermination and mindset. In my head I am already back at 180…In reality, I am soooo NOT…LOL…

This is a crucial point for most of us.

I NEED to see SOME results or I will get discouraged and give up. I know this about myself. So I am finding every little positive I can these days. And I know by doing this, eventually, the body will catch up…

Last night I had a wardrobe malfunction. One that could have sent me over the edge and back to the starting line.

I was going out last night with an old friend I hadnt seen since May. Of course, I wanted to look good, because right now, I am feeling good…

Had the outfit picked out all week in my mind.

Came home after work, threw on the skirt I wanted to wear and SLAM…It didnt fit!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

I was truly and honestly SHOCKED.

I JUST WORE THIS SKIRT IN JUNE ON VACATION IN FLORIDA!!!!!!

It fit FINE. I looked cute in it in fact…

I could not get it zipped…

I couldnt beleive it. I know I had gained about 11 pounds between June and my surgery in August. But I had NO IDEA it would mean a difference in pant size. Most things are still fitting…

Not this skirt.

Well. My initial gut reaction was sadness. Depression. Anger. Frustration. I wanted to cry.

Had my friend not been there with me, I might have.

But I was in such a hurry (I was running late) that I truly just tucked it away in the back of my brain and frantically returned to some jean capris I had.

I truly had every intention of coming back to this and dwelling on it. OCDing about it. And perhaps become depressed about it. Truly. This was in my plan!!

Well…

Oddly enough. I went out. Had a great time. A blast in fact. Felt cute. Felt happy. Felt sexxy. And this morning, by the time I did look over and see the skirt hanging there, I had already moved on…

With my new lenses it didnt seem quite like the earthquake I thought it was…

Could it be that I am a bit of a drama queen when it comes to weight loss?????????? No…NOT ME!!! HAH…

For this morning, truly, I was like “Who cares?? So it doesnt fit today…Soon it will.”

Very strange feeling for me…I am so used to berating myself!!!! I am forever my harshest critic.

So I decided to hang the skirt on my door. And try again in two weeks.

I decided NOT to give in to the urge to derail.

Its just a skirt.

I remembered when I first bought it, it wouldnt even come up over my hips, I was a size 22 trying to fit into a 16…

But gradually I fit into it. I remembered this this morning as my brain was POUNDING from my over indulgance of alcohol last night…LOL…

I decided NOT to focus on the last three months and the pounds I gained.

Instead, I looked far far back at where I started, and then I looked off into the distance at where I want to be…

And I knew I could and WOULD get there. And I felt true and honest peace. And I also felt HAPPINESS.

There is nothing better in this world then the feeling of peace in happiness with yourself.

Then, with my head pounding, and running on less than four hours of sleep, I got my butt up and out of bed. I ran my errands. Cleanned my house, and then I went to the gym. I had a GREAT workout. And I felt remarkable.

Every little thing I did today, put the skirt further and further away from my mind…

That skirt could have been the damn fat fairy telling me to give up and go eat a donut…Could have been a demon saying “Give it up girl. You are fat and will always be fat”. It could have been lots of things last night. In a moment of weakness.

But somehow, without me knowing, my inner strength surfaced and I was able to see….

Its really just a silly little skirt…