Hitting Rock Bottom But Still Climbing…
Hello buddies!
Well…Exactly one week and a half ago, I did indeed undergo back surgery…I cant remember the fancy name for it, sorry…But I had the bone of one of my disc’s removed because it was herniated and pressing on my nerves.
I will always have back problems I am told because I have degenerative disc disease, but this should help…
I am very happy to say that I made it through the surgery with flying colors. Two hours post op, I was up and using the restroom. Call it determination, stubborness, or just plain vanity, but I had to use the restroom, and the nurse said you can use a bed pan, or the restroom…And I choose the restroom…
From that moment on, I was movin and groovin.
Dont get me wrong. I had some rough days. Very painfull from time to time and I have some nerve damage in my leg that makes my leg feel like its asleep most days…
But overall, I am gratefull to be here. A million things can go wrong with ANY surgery…One done near your spine and nerves, even more so…
And, well, I can walk…And thats all I needed to hear…
I was up and walking two hours post surgery and I have never stopped…I have walked EVERY day for a minimum of 30 minutes. Watched what I ate. Etc…
Then, starting yesterday, I returned to the gym…
Nothing major…Just the treadmill and a few minutes on the elliptical until I can tell how my body feels…
So far so good…
Now…
The rock bottom part…
I think anyone who has started this journey, once, twice, how ever many times knows this feeling…
That feeling where you say “This is absolutely it.” “I am disgusted and I must do something about it”.
That point where you realize that YOU and ONLY YOU can make yourself do what you need to do…
I have been trying for months…
I have been talking about it for months…
But it was only this past weekend where it really truly hit me like a ton of bricks…
I bought a few pairs of shorts at the thrift store to “Tide me over”…In a size bigger than I am now…I told myself for sheer comfort…I assumed when I got them home and tried them on, they would be too big…
NOPE.
They fit. Almost perfectly. And for whatever reason, that was it for me. I got mad. I got frustrated. I tore myself down repeatedly…I could not beleive I had lost 64 pounds ONLY to let it go…
I have not been this big in over two years…
True…
I am not where I started.
True, I am not even where I was two years ago when I had to get back on track after a regain…
But, I am far too close for comfort…
I am so incredibly disappointed in myself…I know better…
But, after a 24 hour period of berating myself, I decided to finally get down to business…
I dusted off my food journal…Laced up those walking shoes, and out the door I headed…
Now, true, I am only on day two…But it feels different this time…(Some of you know that feeling)
I now know I MUST derail this train before I go right back to where I was…
And only I can do it. No one can do it for me…
So, I truly hope this is indeed a fresh new go around for me…
It feels like it…For sure…
It felt good to return to the gym for the first time in two months…Feels good to be journaling again…Feels good to have a plan…
I am trying to NOT focus on the fact that my new shorts fit…And just try to focus on the fact that in a month or two, they wont…
But I had to hit rock bottom first…And now I am going to start climbing outta of my hole…
No big concrete goals for me…Those just dont work for my mind…But I would like to be at least 25 pounds or more, lighter, by Christmas.
This is a very reasonable goal…And I know I have the tools to do it…I just need to do it…
No more talk…
Just action from this day forward…
Take care all!
I have been there…that feeling that what the heck happened. Heck I am there right now…just trying to get the motivation to get it going. I think I am on the right track but only time will tell!
I am so happy to hear that the surgery went well and that you were able to be up and at em’ in no time.
Good for you
I know the feeling you are talking about.
I had to get to that point too.
Where you just say okay this is it.
I need to do it for me, no one else can do it for me and I’m going to do whatever it takes.
I can feel your determination and its exciting.
I find too that big concrete goals don’t work for me either.
I just keep plugging away at it and IT WORKS!
Just keep moving forward with it.
Good luck Dawn (although we both know its not luck at all)
You can do it!
Lori
So glad your surgery went so well. Now no beating your self up, you have been thru alot lately. But you have a plan to move ahead, and I know you will do it!
So glad to hear that surgery went well and that you were up walking in only two hours. I too am the same way, refuse to use the bedpan when I know darn well I am capable of sucking up the pain and getting up to go on my own. I believe it is a sense of pride but who cares? lol It’s motivating!
I know what you mean about this time being different. You can really, truly feel it when it’s the real deal. I believe that you are going to beat down the weight gain this time and you’ll go far!
Sometimes it takes something like surgery to get us moving. It puts things in perspective, you know?
Best of luck, motivation and drive to you this time around!! :o)
You go, girl! I love your determintation! You have been an inspiration to me since the day I read one of your blogs for the first time! I am glad that your surgery went well and up and walking in two hours! Woo Hoo!
Big HUGS!