Dawn’s Weight Loss Journey

Circles…Dont we just LOOOOOVE them?? Hah…

They recently installed a traffic circle near my home…First one in our area…Its a riot…No one knows how to use it. You get on…Five other cars merge on, and if you arent careful, you cant get the hell off!!! I think there have been numerous accidents there…And its only been open since the fall…

Circles can be fun…Dont get me wrong…But you have to be careful to not get stuck…

Like a damn hamster running a wheel…If he keeps spinning, he will eventually tire and die…That surely cant be a fun destination…

Wait…

Thats the point of a circle…Its continuous…There is no beginning or end…There is NO DESTINATION…

Well, hell…That aint good!!!

Anyway…

 I have been going in a big fat circle with my weight loss…At this point, we will call it LACK of weight loss…Nothing significant since LAST FALL…Seriously…

I could give you reasons…Trust me. I have analyzed it to death…(This is me we are talking about…) and I have them. Reasons. Explanations. Excuses. I could list them. And justify them. But whats the point, really???

They are important to no one but me. And they dont matter any more…

I am doing well…I am at peace. True peace. With myself. For the first time in over two years. It took a long long time to get here. And I dont know how long I will stay here. But for now. It is good. I feel like I am parked at a rest stop on the side of the road. Catching my breath before my next adventure begins…

So. Now that peace has entered my soul. It was time to get back to the business of making myself healthy…

Notice I didnt say thin.

I dont really care about that. For I know I shall never be 125. I dont know that I want to be. I just want to feel good about myself again. And be a healthier version of myself…Maybe thats 160. Maybe tahts 145. I dont know.

I do know it is NOT what I am now…

Soooo…Through the last nine months of my life I regained 15 of the 62 pounds I lost…

Does this distress me? You bet…

Does this anger me? Of course…

Am I gonna jump out of the circle? I am sure tryin…

I have been trying DESPERATELY to get out of this circle…

To date, I have not been successful…

BUT I KEEP TRYING…

I REFUSE TO GIVE UP…Because I do NOT want to TIRE and DIE…

Sooo…

I am ONCE AGAIN trying to find the exit ramp…To get out of this circle…

I can see it from here…Just need to make my way over to it…

I will get there…

I had a boost this week…Had to go to the doctors. Am I the only one who dreads that damn doctors scale? You know, the big UGLY gray one with the BIG BLACK numbers and the actual weighted scales in increments of 50 staring at you!!!

UGH…

I ALMOST cancelled my appointment…

Why?

Because my OCD is sooooo bad…I had convinced myself that I have gained 30 pounds since the Fall…

Now…

In reality, the somewhat rational side of my brain said there is no way…I can still wear my size 14s. Yes, some of them are now tight, but I can wear them!!!

But the much larger, much more irrational side of my brain had myself convinced that I had now become somewhat like Jaba the Hut!

So the morning of the appointment dawns and I am freakin out…

Havent been on a scale in months…Too scared…

I tell myself the scale is gonna say this big scary number. I convinced myself of this…Prepared for the worst…Truly…

Finally get there…Get on the scale…And…

NOTHING…

I have neither lost NOR gained anything in FIVE MONTHS…

I SHOULD be disappointed…But I wasnt…

I was ecstatic…

My OCD was laid to rest…

Yes. Still carrying that 15 pounds. Not good…

BUT…

Thats ALL I am carrying, after months of NOT doing anything about my weight…

So I am happy…And now that I have the weight in front of me again…I know wehre I need to go…I HATED SEEING THAT WEIGHT RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES…

But I needed that reality check…

Keep me in line…

So here I go again…

Gonna see if I can find the exit ramp!!!!