A reality I want no part of…
Hello buddies…Sorry to be MIA for a bit. I have been sick…And its kicking my butt…I am also getting read to travel for work out to California (San Francisco) again…UGh. I am excited. Just always sooo much to do…
Anyway. Something happened last night that has had me pondering of course…
I met a new person last night. This is someone who found me on myspace. He was struck by my weight loss.
I have chatted with him for about a month, and he invited me to hang out last night. So I did…
Now. I had seen pictures of him, and I knew he was a larger guy. And I know, due to our talks, that he is desparately trying to lose weight…
So. With all that said, when he got out of the car, I will admit, I was taken aback.
This gentleman was indeed a big guy…I would say close to 500 pounds…Give or take.
This is not weight thats easily hidden…This is not someone who melts into a crowd…
I hung out with him for several hours. And I was incredibly sad by the end of the night. For him. People were cruel. In my head, perhaps, I was cruel.
Now. Before you start emailing me nasty emails or leaving not so kind comments on my blog about how anti fat people I am…Please take note…I have been MORBIDLY OBESE and I still am FAT…So I get it, okay???
He was a super sweet guy, and his appearance is not neccessarily the point of this blog…
After hanging out with him all night. Walking. Eating. Sitting at a sporting event. What meeting this person did for me, was remind me that I dont want to be fat anymore…
I am not here to make fun of him by any means. Or point out the obvious. He knows he is Obese. And he is working on it. And for that, I am glad…And I will help him in any way I can…
But walking with him, I had a HUGE reality check…
Several times I had to slow my gait for him…While in the parking garage, instead of walking up a level, he had to take the elevator…He was out of breath within seconds of leaving the car…At the sporting event, I truly dont know how he fit in the seat, and he had to get up several times to adjust because his circulation is bad…
Now…I say this because it has been a long long time since I have experienced any of this…Either by myslef or with another person…
I say this ALSO because I USED TO BE HIM!!! Maybe not exactly, but close. I used to get out of breath sooo easily. Sweating. Red faced. Breathing hard. Hated walking anywhere. It sucked…
Used to have trouble fitting into seats…Wearing seatbelts, etc…I have been there. Maybe not as severe as him, but I have been there…
Its been soooo long (Four years) since I have been there that I had forgotten what true, severe, obesity looks like…
Not, hey, I wanna lose 20 pounds to look good in a swimsuit…But people who truly have a long long road ahead of them. It put my life in perspective big time…
30 pounds?? This should be nothing for me to lose…And I need to just do it and get it done…
And at the of the night, I realized two things…
I dont want to be him, or my old self, ever again…
And I dont know that I could ever have a close relationship with an inactive person again.
And by that, I mean, it has now become second nature to me to take the stairs. To walk everywehre…I was litterally ITCHING to walk up the stairs last night. Didnt like the elevator…
Yes. I am still fat. I still have 30 pounds to lose. But, because I work out consistently, I no longer, even fat, have the health issues I used to…
This is why I posted today. Not to point out his flaws, even though I know to some of you thats exactly what I have done…
It was more to put MY life in perspective…
If I never lose another pound, I am still successful, because I took myself from that out of shape morbidly obese girl to this girl who you see that runs and walks marathons…
BUT…
I DO want to lose more…Seeing him last night struggling just to breath, I know in my heart I dont want weight to be the death of me…Too many other things out there that will get me…Out of my control…
This one I can control…And I chose to take control of it…Sooner rather than later…
I think this is a great blog. I totally see your point as well. You should be proud of how far you come and that you can recognize the healthy changes you have made.
I am totally with you on that one Dawn. I met someone on Eharmony…that I totally clicked with and I knew he was a bigger boy and I went out with him and all I could hear was him breathing when he was walking….and I thought I sounded like a total b*** too….but at this point in the game I am looking for someone who is somewhat healthy because at this point it would be about having kids and having someone who is going to be AROUND for those kids for a long time. I felt so bad that I was not attracted to him because I had so many of the same feelings and insecurities he did and alot of the same life experiences with people being mean like that….so don’t feel bad for sharing :)…It actually makes me feel a little bit better about the feelings I had years ago….Thanks for sharing with me!
I don’t think you were being mean. It just sounds like it made you realize you did the right thing for yourself. I am glad you did too.
You aren’t being mean, you’re being honest. It was a reminder of something you don’t ever want to return to. There is nothing wrong with that. You have come such a long way, you should feel proud of all that you have accomplished.
I understand because I noticed the same thing when I met with my mother-in-law the other night. She and I used to be around the same size, but I’ve lost 60 lbs so far and she has probably gained a few more. It really isn’t entirely her fault, she eats reasonably well but has a thyroid problem. I feel so bad for her though - she is older of course, so she has terrible hip problems. Just walking in from the car she was out of breath for a long time. Any further distance than that and she has to use a scooter to get around now. She used to be so active - camping, hiking, canoeing, etc. But now that she can’t get the weight off, she is not looking good at all.
I realized that this is not the direction I want to go in. By comparison, a lady that I volunteer with is 70 years old and in fabulous shape. She’s thin, but more than that she is HEALTHY. She’s 15 years older than my mother-in-law, and she walked a 2+ mile parade with us, keeping up with the truck/trailer that was driving (so it was a fast-paced walk). Afterwards she wasn’t even out of breath, and she volunteered to load up boxes to her car and deliver them to the center… by herself at 70! She’s amazing! That is truly what I want to be like when I’m older - I want to be able to LIVE all the days of my life!
I’ve already improved my health so much since June it is unreal, and sometimes when the lbs are coming off just 1 or 2 at a time (or I hit a nasty plateau), I get so discouraged. But this is a good reminder that I am making soooo much progress in the little things that I now take for granted!
Dawn maybe there is a reason that this guy came into your life.
Maybe he is there to remind you of just how far you have come.
I think we do need those reminders.
Its so easy to get caught up in wanting to lose more weight to get to a certain size etc.
So easy to forget all that we have overcome and the changes that we have made and how much we have already changed our lives.
I think that possibly spending time with him was a very valuable experience dont you?
Thanks for sharing it
Lori
OMG how dare you? Heheheh! Sorry, I had to throw that in there, only because this blog was too deep and too serious and sadly, too scary. I’m sorry. Now that I have gotten this out of my system, I commend you on your WL, on realizing how far you’ve come–remember this the next time you’re feeling deflated, because you really have come a long way and have turned your life around. I hope to be where you are by the end of this year. I too have been active in the past and light and I miss those days when getting out a chair didn’t seem as difficult as it seems now.
You’re a great motivator Dawnie and perhaps, God has put this man in your way so you can help him, or maybe, as a way to remind you where you’ve been and where you need to go. I have seen you grow so much in the last 12 months…I’m very proud of you Dawnie.
This is not mean at all, but a sobering reality check, and give you kudos to being brave enough to write about it, I see people everyday on the bus who are huge, and it reminds me too of where I had come from. Let us never forget. Hope you feel better soon, I’m just getting well, too! Hugs,Kama
