What to do when reality bites????
So…Have you ever stared into the face of reality and been so shocked by it, that you want to retreat???
I know I have done this with myself. For years…Didnt like what I saw, so convinced myself it was not as bad as I thought…Ignored the mirrors. The sizes on my pants. Etc…
Well. This weekend that feeling came in a different form…
I have spoken here and there of my mother…
The facts are that I love my mother so very much. She raised me and my sister on her own. And she is one of my greatest heros…
Well…In the last year, my mother, who has always been a “larger” gal, has now put on sooo much weight that I barely recognize her…
I saw her this weekend. Out. Unexepectedly at a resteraunt…Was getting ready to leave when she was coming in.
Now. Dont get me wrong. My family and I have noticed her weight gain. And it is a grave concern to us. But to observe her out, eating…Well. It was a very sad reality.
If I had to guess, I would have to say that my mom has gained about fifty pounds this year…And it is not pretty…
I sat down to chat. Catch up. And could not beleive the amount of food she ordered and was consuming…It almost made me sick…To watch her putting away mozarella sticks. Fried pickles. Dumpster fries. Then ordered a large salad. As if that would off set the grease and fat.
Dropping food on herself. Because her belly is too big to get close to the table. My mother is no longer fat. Slightly overweight. Pleasantly plump.
Buddies…As much as I love her. And I do…The site of my mother almost made me full of disgust…I feel awful…She is very definitely obese, and I would say PROBABLY morbidly obese…She has stopped taking care of herself…At all. None of her clothes fit her, and she refuses to buy bigger ones…
Buddies, I am mortified to admit that I was embarrased by my mother…
But more then that, I am horribly horribly worried about her. She eats with such reckless abandon. She cares not at all for herself anymore. She is a diabetic, and I have every gut feeling that if she doesnt get a handle on this, she will not make it another five years…
But what to do??? As we all know. You cant lose the weight for her. I have tried to lead by example, to no avail. She is proud of me, but does nothing on her own…I have talked to her. And she has noted my concern, but as of yet, not done anything about it.
I cant force her to lose the weight…
But…I sure am concerned…I dont know what to do friends…
The whole thing made me sad…The ONLY good that came of it, is that it made me sooo sick to see that food, that I truly have been on plan ALL weekend and now feel more determined then ever to continue my battle no matter how long it takes…For I can not. CAN NOT allow myself to end up like my parents…
One already gone before his time, and the other well on her way…
What do you do when reality is not what you want it to be??????
Dawn I know how hard it is.
I am living and dealing with the very same thing and I don’t know that there is anything we can do about it.
Its a horrible feeling.
So many horrible feelings that go along with it.
Like you the positive thing to come out of it is it makes me more determined to take care of myself.
I really don’t know what else we can do.
I feel your pain
congrats to you for staying on plan and doing whats healthy for you
take care
Lori
I can relate as well. All we can do - whether it’s for our parents, or a friend - is give good advice, tell them we’re willing to help if they like - but ultimately, it’s they, themselves, who have to DO something. It’s difficult, but there comes a time when you’ll have to come to terms with this - otherwise you’ll drive yourself insane from worrying about her all the time. I know it’s difficult - I’m in a similar situation - but there’s only so much you can do. The ONLY thing you CAN control is how you look after your own self and live a long, healthy life.
Dawn, I know you want to change her but she needs to want to do this on her own and she just doesn’t seem ready ! All you can do is be patient and convince her that she is worth being loved ! You are doing fantastic so lead by your example and you are doing so ! Good luck , and my prayers are with you and your family ! Kimmi
omg, it’s like you blogged my life story. my whole family is over weight and me and my dad are the only ones trying to change our ways. It’s very frustrating that I can’t motivate my mom to join in with me. I try so hard, but it’s always “I’m too tired” or “I’m embarassed to go to the gym” so we are stuck with that. I really feel your pain, and I absolutely love my mom to death, but I want her to grow old and see her grandchildren. Good luck with this. But you have to remember that you have absolutely no power over your mom, so don’t blame yourself for her body and lifestyle.
I am saddened by your reaction. I wonder if you are feeling this way because you have lost a lot of weight? Are you possibly projecting your own fear of obesity onto your mother?
I have been both obese and thin. I see both sides to it. I am also a mom and a grandmother. We cannot pull other’s into our own belief system and reject others because they are not in the same place emotionally and physically as we are. Your post struck me because I remember when I was in my 20’s and had lost a great deal of weight, I remember thinking others should do the same thing. I wore a self righteous hat and I thought I was being helpful, when in fact I was trying to keep myself motivated not to gain weight again.
I am trying to be gentle about this. I know you love her and that you are concerned for her health, but it is not within your control. Personally, I think you focussed on the wrong things about your mother at the restaurant and that is what is making you feel guilty. NO one has the right to objectify another human being. Love your mother for who she is and stop judging her against your own successes or failures.
Obesity is still a rampant discrimination. Whether we are aiming to change our own eating habits or striving to lose weight, we must be mindful that others may chose to live their own lives the way that they want to.
Sending you a thought to hug your mom and love her “as is”.
WOW. You are wayyyy off…I am concerned about her health. I guess you missed that part, huh? Of course I love her. And will love her. But I am worried to deat about her. I already lost my father and have no desire to lose my mom…
dawn, your love for your mom came shining through as did your concern. i wish i had some ways for you to help her but as you said it is not up to you to make the change for her. i am a big fan of conversations that go to the heart and that address the fears, concerns, things that get in the way, maybe that will help. and then there is just surrender and acceptance even when reality sux! my dad is that example - there is nothing more i can do so i just love and accept and worry quietly. keep taking care of yourself!