Bootstraps…
Hello everyone! Hope all is well with you guys…
Just a quick update on my mother situation…All is well…I sent her a letter. We met for lunch. Talked a lot…Both admitted some mistakes…And basically discovered we had only one major issue… Lack of communication…
She had no idea some of the things I told her…And I pointed out I purposely did NOT tell her some things because she could not remain objective, and always blurted out her first impression… So. We talked. We listened. And all is well. She remains my mother. My friend. And my biggest hero…
Soooo. What else to blog about… Weight loss…Of course…
I have not been blogging much about it because I don’t feel like I have anything useful to say at the moment…I come on, and check on all my buddies…Especially some of the “Old” gals… Jo. Nikki. Erica. Mary…Then I check on a few of the “Younger” gals who have had great success…Catrina. Wonder Woman. Etc…You all remain my inspiration…
Then I check around to see if any newbies need anything I might have to offer… This is kind of my routine! HAH…
But as far as weight loss, I feel I have kind of fallen out of the Realm of Weight Loss Wisdom…It was a hard fall…I think my ass still hurts from hitting the floor… Basically, I fell off the wagon for 6 months…Not entirely, but I was surely hanging on by a bootstrap!!
Broken heart. Broken marriage. Stressful busy job…Family fights…All these things ran right into my wagon…Jarred me from my seat… But something else happened…Something that I KNEW must not…
I stopped putting myself first again…And EVERY time I have done that, I have been a failure… Buddies…It’s hard to put yourself first…If you are a wife. A mother. A friend. People just don’t get it. They call you selfish. Self involved. Egotistic, etc…They don’t understand…
But I believe with all my heart that you MUST do this to be successful… And no, it doesn’t mean you go off on a mountain top for 6 months and live as a hermit…
It simply means that you must make time for you and your needs above all others. And yes, in the immediate future, relationships WILL suffer, for you must take from those whom you love and whom love you… But the investment will pay off BETTER for them at the end…For if you can conquer and control the weight, then they will get a mother, wife, friend, that is 10 times happier, healthier, and better to be around…
I truly believe this… So over the last few months, this is what I have been working towards…
I have been slowly, VERY slowly, been working my way back towards this goal as well as several other personal goals… I don’t think that my journey will ever stop…Really. I think I will eventually get to goal (Just like you Jo Jo!) I will…Someday…
But the journey will still continue to maintain…To not regain…UGH…It exhausts me sometimes to think about being 80 years old still doing my elliptical!!! I know for sure that I do not want to go back up…I have recently, and I don’t like it. Not at all…
Even a 15 pound regain was too much…My clothes were tight. My muscles started sagging a bit, and overall, even tho MOST people did not even notice…I NOTICED. And I didn’t like it…I wanted the good feeling back. The confidence…The happy sense of accomplishment one gets from staring down a candy bar and walking away victorious…I wanted that back… For even last year, at 179 (my lowest to date!), which is STILL on the obese scale, I felt BEAUTIFUL…Accomplished. Proud. Loved.
Back up to 194, I did not…Even though I knew I was still a success story, having started at 242, I could not get past the failure of letting myself down, and regaining 15 pounds… So. That’s where I have been the last few months…
No lies here. Its not easy. I truly think RE-losing is the hardest job of all…For some reason, once that weight comes back, even in small amounts, it doesn’t want to budge!! And the funny thing is, because of all my workouts, I regained it differently!!!!
My body put the weight right on my belly where I had not really carried my weight before… I think this is because that was the last part of my body to get a good workout…My arms and legs, hips and thighs had all come along way and retained a lot of muscle…
My belly, not so much… But, I am proud to report I am losing again…Very slowly, about a pound and a half a week…UGH…But the scale is going in the right direction…
I still refuse to repost my ticker…Mainly because it makes me sad… And I have had to work REALLY hard for it…Much harder then before.
I am now working out TWICE a day… Once at 5:30 in the morning, and once after work…Mostly cardio this time, with just a bit of leg and arm weights to retain my current muscle…
I have a great great friend out in
California who has become very dear to me in the last few months, and he is a former body builder and trainer, and he has REALLY set me straight on the weight lifting part… So, things are going well…Trying to get through the holidays with a small loss, but wont be sad if I simply maintain either…It’s a tough time of year…
So thats me in a nutshell…I truly hope to be back down to 179 by February…And I know I can do it if I put my heart and soul into it… Take care all!
I know you can do it. Your right you have to put yourself first or you will be miserable. Good luck to you.
I am sure you can do it. There will be little set-backs now and then, but catch it early and it will be fine. And I’m 71 and still working at keeping my 110 lbs off. You do have to put yourself first when it comes to your health. Not a thing wrong with that. Get up in the morning and dress to look your best. When you catch a glance in the mirror, you will be reminded to stay on plan. We deserve the best. Marge
Dawn your honesty is so profound ! I know you are sad because you gained but you have put it all out on the table ! I still think you have a lot to offer others right now ! You may not know it but you are showing tremendous strength and courage for people who have fallen off the wagon(like me)and don’t know what to do ! I wish you Good luck! and strength to carry on ! Kimmi
What a heartfelt blog Dawnie…but then again, coming from you, it’s always from the heart. I feel so special today, wow, I got a lot of press time on your blog–LOL!!
You know Dawnie…it’s funny because this time, and trust me…and in fact, you know because we’ve been here for quite sometime, THIS TIME it feels different. I think this time, the perspective and attitude is different and I agree with you 100%, we must remember to put ourselves first, only in this manner will we become better people for the ones we love.
I’m glad to hear you and mom patched things up…what a relief…at this time of year, the last thing we need is more stress and heartbreak.
Hang in there, you’re as tough as nails and I know you will reach your WL goals, no doubt about it!
The important thing is what you have learned and you are wrong about one thing we all DO learn form you! You can do it! Love ya!
We learn from our mistakes. YOu live and you learn. Good luck on your journey.
It was so good to read your blog Dawnie. I can certainly empathize with your gain and I feel the pain coming through your blogs but then WOW!!! You’re working out twice a day and that is truly commendable!!!! I hope to read more from you but whatever you need to do is fine. I hope you have a very happy holiday season.
I hear you in many many parts of your blog. I can relate in all areas. And I was divorced before so I’ve been through the broken heart and broken marriage thing. And get prepared because later it will be the tough part of dating again and maybe another broken heart. But, you can also have a whole lot of fun too! New loves, new friends, freedom. Ooh, and let’s not forget the potential weight gain from meeting a new guy who takes you out to dinner often. Been there, done that! The good thing is we are still trying in our weight loss. Better to have a 15 pound gain then to have gained everything back. We can get our act together. We just need to push through the tough times. We need to keep reminding ourselves why we want to lose weight even if some of the reasons are simply to look hotter than we were before. Keep fighting Dawnie. Let make our weight tickers move again.
I never worry about you.. You are a rockstar! I know that when the time is right it will all come together.. As a “mommy” I am glad that you see your mother as a hero.. That makes me happy!