Dawn’s Weight Loss Journey

So the weekend has gone well…

 I have stayed active…Feeling good…Cleanned my house. Cleanned my car. The weather has been GORGEOUS here in Central Ohio…

I come home today to find a my husband has gone to the store for me and purchased the most evilist cookie in the world…

The Halloween Oreo Cookie!!!!

WTF??? I mean, as if REGULAR ones arent bad enough, now I have to stare at these cute little black and orange jobs?

Now…I am not a huge sweet eater…I could go for weeks without them…Chocolate not a big deal to me…THANK GOD or I would be three times my size…

But I do have a few weeknesses…Turtles…And Oreos…My favs!

I dont keep them in the house and I splurge maybe once a year on one or the other…

Well…

I would like to tell you all that I ignored them…But…Well…That would be a lie…

Upon a most brutal cross examination by me, the husband says “But, I just got them for you to use in emergencies, and ONLY in moderation…”

Now, surely, this man knows me better then that?? If I could eat in moderation, would I really have a weight problem? No way!!!

Okay. In his defense he was trying to be sweet…I think he is trying to win me back by plying me with food…Hah…Nice try dear!!!

Well, I ignored them for a few hours…But I must now confess, I heard them call my name most recently, and, well, they were awfully hard to resist…

I only had four…Promise…They were pretty damn good I must say…

Now they must be destroyed though…As all evil must be…

Have a happy Sunday buddies…May you JUST SAY NO to Halloween Oreos!!!

Happy Saturday buddies!!!

 Hope its been a good one for you!

 I am just checking in quickly…

My first week back on plan has gone very very well…I did 45 minutes of cardio/weights EVERY night and got up early and ran/walked for a half hour every morning…

Next week I will reign in the food a little title and TRY to start journaling again…

But mentally, I feel GREAT…The exercise was missed dreadfully…I just love it now…Didnt mind it at all and actually enjoyed my time on the elliptical nightly…It truly is remarkable how well it makes you feel…

So, I am not gonna weigh in till next week, but will of course keep you all posted, as I am sure you are all on the edge of your seats…

I have a busy busy week next week. I get to take my 13 year old niece to her first concert ever…(Blue October) and I am very very excited about that…I happen to think I am the coolest aunt on the planet!

Well, enjoy your weekend all…

Take care and stay healthy!!!

It is rainy and dreary here this morning! WOW… Sure wish I was home in my beloved P.J.’s!!! 

Well, it’s been a strange week, filled with some highs and some lows! Let’s get the lows out of the way… 

My uncle passed away last night…And this makes me sad…He has been in the hospital for a month, and was terminal, so it was expected, I suppose…Still tough none the less… When growing up, he was my favorite uncle, but in later years, he became an alcoholic and withdrew from the family…So, you know…Very mixed emotions about it all… 

Mostly, I am worried about my mother, for it was her brother… Now, my mother is mentally unstable at best, on good days…When things like this happen, I get extremely worried about her…She just seems so fragile some times… 

I saw my mother this week, rather unexpectedly…(She lives 45 minutes away!) I was coming out of my doctors and she was heading in. (Yes, we see the same doc!)  Now. I had not seen her in over a month…I know. I know. Bad daughter I have been, but frankly, I was kind of caught up in my own marriage/housing drama… 

Anyway… If I had to guess, I would say my mom has gained 20-25 pounds in just the last 6 months!!! Honest!! She is heavier then she has ever been…She looks awful…She does not look like my beautiful mother…And I was soooo shocked I didn’t really even know what to say… 

She is a diabetic, she does not work, and there is no excuse what so ever for her to look like that… I am soooo worried about her that I have been unable to sleep the last few nights…Add in to that the stress of her brother dying, and man…I just don’t know if she is gonna make it…Honest… 

My sister has talked with her. My step dad has talked with her. I have talked with her…To no avail…We were all hoping that seeing her brother in the hospital and so sick would help change her (He was a diabetic too…) but so far, it has not… Its very hard and stressful to see a loved one letting themselves go, knowing that there is absolutely nothing you can do about it…Kind of like watching a train wreck about to occur, and knowing you are powerless to stop it… 

How do we all know this?? Because we have all been there. Right??? I didn’t lose weight because of anything anybody said. It was a personal decision that I had to make, when my time was ready… 

And I was not ready many many times…And nothing any one said to me made any difference, really… You can never force anyone…Just like smoking…A smoker has to be ready to quit…An overweight person has to be ready to change… 

So I know, no matter how much I talk, it goes in one ear and out the other with her. She is not ready… The good news is (YES, my blog is not ALL doom and gloom) that seeing her this week…Seeing my uncle pass away at the age of 64, has again, reconfirmed TWO things… 

Number one: I WILL fight this battle of the bulge my whole life, and I will eventually defeat it. I will never ever give up. I do not want to be my mother. My father. My uncle. I don’t want to be that… Number two: Once again, if you don’t know this by now…Life is way too short to not be living the life YOU want to live…Whether it’s as a fat person or a thin person…A happy person or a sad person…A healthy person or a not so healthy person… 

YOU can control that…And why would you not??? Because I will tell you. There is a lot of stuff in this life we CAN’T control…Things happen without our knowledge or our permission…That’s called life…So why then, would we let the few things we CAN control, control us??? Not me… 

Not anymore… I am trying. Desperately. To live the life I was meant to live. It’s not easy…Hard decisions had to be made. People I loved had to be let go…Never ever easy… 

So I will end with this little ditty that my friend said…Last week, after a pretty serious heart to heart, I said “I know. I know. I am not EVERYONE’s cup of tea!”  And she replied: “Dawn, you may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but you are definitely someone’s cappuccino!” I LOOOOVED it… Why settle for tea, when you can have cappuccino??

Happy Tuesday Buddycakes!  Ahhhhh…. 

I am so very excited! I restarted my program this week and so far so good!! I have gotten up early and ran…I have hit the workout room with a vengeance… I can NOT even tell you how much I have missed working out…And trust me when I say I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE!!!! Honest! 

I think I have finally made the connection that exercise will ALWAYS be a part of my life…I love what it does for me mentally and physically too much to ever let it go for long…Call it another obsession…(Love my OCD!!) I have not worked out in three weeks due to my living arrangements…It is good to be back!!! I jumped right on my elliptical last night as if I had never been gone…And me and my elliptical bonded…Caught up on old times! It was good…I do believe she missed me too!!! It might have been a Kodak moment…Too bad no one else was there to see us! 

Then I swung home to check on the husband and my doggies, and even he said “You seem happier tonight…” Buddies, I do believe it’s the workouts. I just felt better. Instantly. Less stressed…Thinner. In reality, I was not, but I just felt thinner… Went to the doctor this morning for a follow up, and already, just from last week, I am down 4.5 pounds!! I was pleased…Still up, over all, but glad the scale is moving back down… 

She is increasing my meds…Which I hate, but is necessary…I seem to be completely incapable of dealing with stress like you normal folks. I have finally accepted that, I think… It is what it is…Right?? Remember that kids… 

Okay…I will check in later with you all…I have sooooo much reading to do to catch up with you crazy kids…You miss a month and all kinds of things occur! Have a great week!

Can I even just tell you how much I adore FRIDAYS…WOO HOO!!! This has been a particularly looooong and draining week…I know. I know…I just got back and already I am here complaining…Sorry… J 

The husband came down this week for dinner on Wednesday…It started out well…Ended in disaster…UGH… Buddies, this is harder then I thought…Lots of stress and tension…Good grief… 

More on that later… Well…The good news is that I think things have finally “Clicked”…Now, most of you who have ever been on any kind of true weight loss journey will know EXACTLY what I am talking about… 

There are times you do what you have to do and know you have to do while on this journey…And you can be pretty successful…But your heart isn’t exactly in it… And then there are times when things in your mind just all CLICK and fall into place and you feel confident and MOTIVATED to move forward with your weight loss…You become extremely focused and NO ONE can stop you… 

This comes and goes, for sure…And when it is gone, it is sooooo hard to get back…And the funny thing is, I don’t think you ever really know WHY or HOW it comes or goes… It is what it is… 

That’s my new mantra, by the way… “IT IS WHAT IT IS…”  I repeat this to myself daily, in an effort to just keep breathing! And to not be so disappointed when life, and people, let me down… 

I am very very excited; for I will have somewhat of a routine back this weekend…I have missed my routine. I have been away from the gym, due to my new living arrangements…But this weekend, I am reclaiming ME and MY ROUTINES…I have planned a deep workout for both Saturday and Sunday, and come Monday, I am getting up again in the morning to run…(haven’t done that ALL summer!) and will start hitting the gym in the evenings again… I am ever so excited about this… 

I feel I am ready, once again…The “Click” has clicked… So I guess I will finish up with this little thought… 

You know…Some people start this journey…Come in strong, know exactly what they want to do, and they just do it…I have a HUGE amount of respect and admiration for these folks…I SOMETIMES wish I could be that… But, wayyyy back when I started this journey, my very first Weight Watchers leader told me… “Every journey is different…Every person is different…There is no magic formula that one size fits all”… 

It took her FOUR years to lose 110 pounds…But she has kept it off for her over 20 years…In that moment, I knew this journey would not go quickly for me…And I made peace with it early on… So I am once again getting ready to start another phase in my journey…I have had three of them…Three little breaks…Three recommits…The results are 3 ½ years have passed…Yep…A LOT OF TIME…However, I have lost 60 pounds, and even maintained that during one of the most stressful, and personally challenging years of my life…Because the changes I made, over time, are now just part of who I am, that I don’t remember too much how I used to be, or how I used to eat… 

This formula works for ME…  So I hope…I sure hope, this is the final phase in my journey, and I am going to do my best to lose my next and final 30 pounds by the end of the year…
It may happen. It may not…But I will try… And I will never ever stop trying…

Hello buddies…

It’s been an awful long time, huh??

I could make a lot of excuses. Tell you a lot of things. But it really doesnt matter…

So let’s get this out of the way…

I am sorry to have left you all, but life demanded that I do so for while…

I had a few demons to battle, and, well, for a long time, the demons were winning…

However, I am now gaining some ground, and am happy to announce most (Not ALL) of my demons have been banished and defeated…

Okay. Lets get all of this out in the open, okay? I just wouldnt be me if I didnt spill ALL my beans!!!

My husband and I have separated…After 13 years…It is temporary for now…It was a decision that was not made lightly or quickly…Its actually going well, and please know, it was my decision not his…

He is a wonderful man, and I will never say anything differently.

My weight loss has stalled to nothing and that is no ones fault but mine. No excuses…Life came first, and weight loss went to the background…

I am now ready to reclaim a little bit more of me…Now that my demons have been silenced… 

So thats why I am here…Ready to re-emerge. Reconnect…And Relose that weight. I dont feel good about myself…I want that feeling back…

I started Sunday by walking in the New Albany Classic 10K. I did well. And it kind of rejuvinated me…

So here I am kids…

I will try to not go away again…Hope you are all doing well!!!

I have missed you guys…

Take care!