A true desperate heart pour…
Well…Here I am…
I suppose I knew I couldnt stay away forever…Although I did try…Rather unsuccessfully… :roll:
I miss you guys!
I have been reading some blogs, and comments, and want to start by saying that I did not leave because of the changes. Nope. I actually like the changes and would never leave based solely on that…
I left because I myself felt completely lost, and felt I could not be a good buddy to you all if I myself didnt have a plan…
So…let me explain…
I have been with buddyslim for almost a year now…I have been on my journey for over three years now…
Now. For my die hard faithful readers and my bestest buddies, you will remember that through out the fall, I did rather well. Lost almost 30 pounds…
But, my life was also spiriling out of control. I was successful because I put myself first. I thought ONLY of myself for many many months. I was selfish. Extremly. This made me successful at the weight loss, but it made me NOT so successful in life…
So come January I received a wake up call of sorts. And started to get my life back in control. But, while I did that, I lost control of my weight loss. :sad:
For some reason, I have been unsuccessful at finding a balance…
I have lost and gained the same 7 pounds several times over since January…7 months…
I feel like an absolute failure. And that is why I felt I had to leave this site…I couldnt handle that feeling…
So where am I today???
Well, I am here, for one. For how long, I do not know. But I do know I miss you guys. I miss blogging. I miss the support and I miss the accountabililty. Yes, I may not have been as successful these last 7 months, but at least I had cheerleaders…
At least, when I had a crappy day, I could come out here and be surrounded by folks who got it…Instead of dealing with it on my own…
I have completely withdrawn from a lot of things in the last two months. And this has made me very very sad and depressed… :cry:
Here is the true heart of the matter buddies:
I got on the scale today and could not beleive what I saw…I am right where I was in January. AGAIN…
I mean, I am like a freakin broken record here…I KNOW how to do this. I HAVE done this. Yet, I sadly cant seem to do it…I dont know why…
I can not seem to get my life together at all these days.
My marriage, sadly, is taking a beating. Its a rather long story, but I am guessing anyone on here who has been married knows that some days its easy and somedays its the hardest thing in the world…Its been a rough year for my hubby and me to say the very least…
There truly is no bad guy here. We simply just cant seem to connect like we once did…
We are not giving up, by any means, but we will start marriage counseling next week to see if there is hope for us…We have been together for 14 years…
My new job, while good, and exciting, has been extremly stressful…I am working harder then I have in years. I like this, but find its hard to maintain my beloved routines…Lots of long hours means no walks, lunches on the go, and all out diet sabatouge…
I sit here today feeling FAT. Depressed. Ugly. Sad. Nerves on edge. I feel pulled in 10 directions by family, job and friends. And on the outside I keep smiling while on the inside I slowly die…
I seriously feel I am about to crack…Just like the nut that dear Mary once said I was!! :smile:
Sooo. I reset my weight tracker to accurately reflect where I am…Yes. I am still in the 180’s. I HATE THAT…
And thats why I stayed away…
But I didnt like what I saw on the scale. I dont WANT to be 185…I have come far and I am proud of that, but I want to finish.
I simply dont know how at this point. Honest…
So, until I get a plan and figure it out, I thought I would at least come out here and purge my thoughts onto this blog…
It has worked in the past so hopefullly it will once again…
If any of you are still around, I appreciate you reading this…
Its rather depressing for me, I realize, but, thats kind of where I have been the last few months…
I am trying to find my way back. Honest…
Jo, Nikki, Becky, Tracey, Lidecka and Maggie, you guys are great great great buddies, and I thank you all…
Jo, girl, I LOVE YOU…Honestly. I read your blogs and yes, I do beleive we are in the same spot once again…Heres hoping that one or the other, or god willing BOTH of us get out soon!!! :razz:
Take care all…
Dawnie
P.S. I dont know why my smilies dont work…Bummer…
Well, it seems that you, Jo and I have found ourselves in the same spot. Dawnie, I stepped on the scale today after THREE months of avoiding it and I am heavier than when I started BuddySlim last year. I readadjusted my weight ticker and goals but I’ve kept it for only me because I’m embarassed and conflicted. I was so tempted to go to the store and get a pack of cigs and a bag of chips but I didn’t. I came home and did a DVD to show myself that I need to start making different decisions now. You’re right, you know how to do this but we need to figure out what’s going on in that head of ours. Why aren’t we getting the job done??? I’m here for you Dawnie. I don’t know how much I can help you out but if anything, we can be there for each other trying to help each other out of this struggle………
Dawn, I feel the same way you do…stuck, frustrated and extremely stagnant.
I too have been gaining and losing the same 10 lbs since the holidays.
At least we are concious of the what we are doing or not doing…although I preferred the mindless eating to the awareness I now have.
I’m sorry things are not going well at home, you know I am just an e-mail or phone call away if you need me.
Dawn…your story is my story. I could have written your blog. I totally understand where you are coming from. I am right there with you. I can tell you this: I learned from a wise “WonderWoman” that you are here! You know it is hard. You are struggling. But you are here and you are not giving up. We all have out battles. Your blog may help somebody else! Your honesty and willingness to be vulnerable can and will be inspirational to somebody else. Keep going! You are worth it! You will do it! We are here rooting you on!
Dawn I sure don’t have the answers for you but I’m so happy that you came back to Buddy Slim for support.
You will figure out a way to make this work.
You have so many major things going on in your life right now with your weight loss, your marriage and your new job.
It’s not surprising at all that you are having a hard time fitting everything together and making it all work.
I wish you the best of luck.
I think its terrific that you will be going to marriage counseling.
Sometimes when one thing falls into place the others follow.
Take care Dawn
Lori
Wow, many of us are feeling the same way as you Dawnie. I am fighting the same 5 lbs since I started this whole thing in January for crying out loud. I feel swamped with everything going on and keep putting my innner self on the back burner. It is a balancing act with trying to lose weight, being a Mom, wife, friend and just living life. I hope you find your balance again and things get more calm and content. I like to look at the glass half full sort of view in all this, at least we all can’t say we’re bored lol !!
Dawn, We love you and don’t want you to ever stop being here because you are having a hard time losing weight. That is the purpose of this site. I think a lot of people are in your spot I know I am I took my eyes off of myself and began pouring more time into my kids and I also and up, down , up again since March now. I know it stinks but you are going to do it you have a road block right now with your marriage (again I have been there) and work. Finding a new routine to fit things in will happen if you want it to. I am sorry to hear about your marriage. My husband and I have been only married for 7 years but believe me the first 4 were hell. Counseling is great when you find the right person. ALso I know when you lose weight it effects everyone. My husband misses the old me who loved to find new places to eat and enjoy. I don’t like to eat and watch t.v anymore, go out for candy bars you know a lot has changes. Yoou are right in marriage there are days you can’t get enough of one another and others where you want to kill each other. We love you and are with you in these things
I’m really sorry you’re having a tough time right now, but just KNOW that there IS a light at the end of this seemingly endless tunnel. Trying to figure out how to balance work, family, weight loss and ALL the other things we deal with from day to day is tough, but one thing I know…you are TOUGHER!! I really believe the marriage counseling will help you and your husband.
Try not to stress too much about this…figuring out how to balance all that takes time and sometimes, creativity.
I’m personally glad you’re back. I’ve really missed your blogs and I wish you the BEST in all areas of your life. If you ever need to talk, vent, rant, cry, whatever, you have my email address and I’ll be glad to listen, give advice, or just cry with you.
Take care of yourself Dawnie. You are a precious person and I’m glad to have made your acquaintance.
Don’t give up hope ! Just keep plugging away. Nothing worth doing is ever easy. You WILL get through this!!
HUGS!!! I’ve missed you so much, I was bummed about your last blog and I didn’t even know what to say. I had a few months where I wasn’t on here, but now I HAVE to come on here for my support. Cheering me on for little things, like seeing my collar bone. And I was in a funk for a long time Dawnie, you know that, and I’ve come out of that, I’m finally in the 180’s. So this will pass, just hang in there, no matter how hard it becomes. I know you won’t gain it back, you have changed inside as well as outside, and thats forever!! I’ve missed you much, missed your blogs, you and I are always thinking alike. If you can’t come on here everyday, thats OK!! Just come back, we are forgiving and don’t care if you are gone for a while, they didn’t care when I came back!!! Love you lots and miss you lots, take care and best of luck to you!!!
I am so glad to see you back here!
I have missed you so much!
We all have reached a point like that where we aren’t getting anywhere and those stupid scales just don’t want to cooperate! You just need to hang in there.
You have offered me so much inspiration, support and motivation, I hope I can offer you the same!
Have a good one!
Dawnie! Missed you!! Have been looking for you! Yeah, I have felt the same way, and being sick for 2 weeks didn’t help, but I’m back and more determined than ever! Glad to see you back!
Welcome back, Dawnie! I too took a year off, but for different reasons. I realize now that I should have stuck with it because with everything that was going on in my life I packed on another 25 lbs. There is no shame in coming back for the support from your buddies. That is why we are all hear. You need a shoulder, we have plenty of them. I am glad to hear that you are working on things with your husband. Now, let’s find that balance that you need!
I haven’t been on much at all lately myself, and was greatly surprised to see that you were taking a break from BuddySlim! Very glad to see that you’re back already though.
Dawnie, you are one of the strongest people on here that I know of. Your strength and resolve has always shown through your blogs. I know you’ve been struggling for so long now, but I do have faith that you WILL find your way. You do have what it takes to win!
I am glad to hear that you and your hubby are going to start counseling, and that you aren’t throwing in the towel. Marriage is such hard work. But, it’s well worth it in the end, I am sure. I know there have been plenty of times that we’ve come close to giving up.
I pray that you find your way, and your peace soon, my friend! In the mean time, I’m sending you virtual hugs and virtual cheerleading…you CAN do this!
WOW - I have been where you are and it’s no fun, maybe not exactly where you are but a very similar place. All I can say for sure is that it will get better. I have missed your blogs!
—Valerie
