Dawn’s Weight Loss Journey

WOW…

I have been gone for a while…

I come back to check on a friend and MAN (thanks for the heads up Jo Jo!)…And find the whole site has changed…WOWSER…Crazy!!!

Man…I don’t like change! 

Well…I wanted to pop in real quick to just let some of my long time buddies know whats up…

Here is the deal. Life kind of blows for me right now…

New job, while good, is completely taking over my life. I am going in early and staying late every night. The workload is extreemly heavy. I am completely and utterly overwhelmed. I have no time at all to do anything…

I have had more then one break down. I am not proud of this…

My sister came home…

So during the week I am working well over 50 hours. And on the weekends I am running down to my home town to visit family…

This has left me completely stretched and strained. I feel like I work. Eat. Sleep. And not much else…

I no longer email my friends, because I dont have time. Some of my very best friends I have not seen in almost two months. I have seriously not had any contact with anyone outside of my immediate family in over a month…

Yes. This is a problem…And I feel on the edge of a complete meltdown…

I am still working out. It seems to be the only thing I can control at this point and I seem to be embracing it hard…

This whole situation has sent me into a pretty severe depression, and with that depression comes withdrawal. I had to pull away from buddyslim for a while and will most likely continue to do so…

I dont have the time right now, simply put, and I no longer get out of it what I did at the beggining. I think its a cyclical thing. I do…

I have been needing to change things up for a while now to acheive my goals, and one thing I had to change this time around was buddyslim.

I love buddyslim and everything Dr. Marc has done for us. I hope, along the way, that by telling my story, I have helped at least one person out there…

For that is what I came here for. To get support and give support and to let people know that THEY CAN DO THIS…

But for me, the time has come to step back and collect myself. I do not think it will be forever…But it will be for a while…I can not be there for you all, when I am unable to be there for myself…

I WILL stop back to let you know how it goes. I hope within the next few weeks and months to be moving once again steadily towards my goal weight…

I pray daily that my job gets to be more managable…

I wish ALL OF YOU much success in your journies. I have met some incredibly kind people on here…

So in closing, I just wanted to say a proper good bye. It only seemed right…Not forever, but for now…

To my original buddies…Scott, Erika, Mary, Jo, Becky and Nikki…Man…I love you all very much. I can honestly say that…ALL of you have made a difference in my life…

And I hope you all reach your goals soon…

Catrina, I think of you often and I fully expect the next time I check in that you will be well on your way to your goal…

Wonder Woman, continue doing what you do best girl…

Tammy, I will miss your humor!!!!

I know I have most likely forgotten some very good, important folks, but I hope I am forgiven…

Take care, all of you, and should you need/want to reach me outside of this world, my personal email is dawnrenee1313@hotmail.com.

Take care kids!

Dawnie

Happy Tuesday buddies!!!

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Man, this week is flying! I guess by now you are all pretty tired of hearing about my job. I am!

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I do have to say, MAN AM I EVER SO BUSY…But I LOVE it! My days FLY by! Also, I have to rat out someone. This week a young lady, Veronica, is in town from San Francisco to help finish my training. She is super sweet and as cute as a bug (Really, who invented that saying? Since when are bugs cute??)

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Anyway, this is her first trip to Ohio. So today, it starts storming really bad, and she TOTALLY freaks out on me…Because its WARM and its storming…

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I was like “V” (Thats her nickname) “Chill out girl! Its only a summer storm. It will be over in 5 minutes”…Yesterday she freaked out because it was WINDY and warm…Apparently, she is NOT used to warm weather…

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I found out myself while out there that San Francisco is actually quite a bit cooler year round then I had thought. So I am sure that was her thought too, but geesh…The girl is cracking me up! 

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It has been MOST fun meeting some folks from different states…Broadening my horizons I am!!

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Okay…What about the title of this blog?? Arent you guys EVER so curious???

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Okay. I will spill my beans…

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I have a very very good friend…One of my Jenny’s (remember them???)  Best friend since 12 years old. She moved out of state last year so I only see her on myspace…

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Anyway, we were supposed to go to Chicago this month, but due to my new job, that didnt happen…So I havent heard from her too much, and frankly, I have been rather busy. Too busy for a lot of my friends, sadly…(I AM working on that tho!!!)

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So, remember, she lives OUT OF STATE…Okay? Thats important…

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So Sunday, I am down visiting my sis. And we all go to lunch…My BIL picks some REAL obscure little mom and pop resteraunt that NONE of us have been too in over 10 years. Seriously…

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Not only that, but it was off hours, like 1:30…On Sunday. Father’s Day…So I am sitting there, waiting for my lunch, and in walks Jenny!!!

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I was sooo shocked to see her, I almost didnt recognize her. Havent seen her in a year and a half…

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We hug. We speak quickly as I am with family and she is with some old old friends of hers…

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After wards, I go to say goodbye to her, and she pulls me aside to tell me some things…

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Apparently, she was in our old hometown, as she has left her husband after 7 years…Apparenly it was an abusive relationship I was completely unaware of…She said she had desperately been wanting to get ahold of me and wanted to see me soooo bad…

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How odd that we would be in the same place at the same time in a town that NEITHER of us now reside in???

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It was incredibly bizare, or was it??

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I like to think God was looking out for one or the other or both of us…I really do…

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So thats my little weird story for the week…(You know the drill. Insert the Twilight Zone them here!)

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I hope she and her kids are safe and sound. She is to be calling me later this week to touch base…

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On a HAPPY note…She thought I looked absolutely wonderful. So that was really cool. I LOVE seeing people now I havent seen for a while. Their reactions are very very funny…

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Okay. This week is going well food wise and exercise wise. Damn TOM is even here and i really dont care…

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Life is good for Dawnie right now and Damn TOM (Yes, thats what I call him) will NOT bring me down…

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Have a great great night friends!!!!

 

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Happy happy Monday buddies!!!!

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WOW. What a crazy day I have had. This new job is COMPLETELY kicking my butt. Seriously. I have been a slacker for over a year and a half, and now, all of a sudden, I am expected to work?? WHAT?? You  mean ALL DAY LONG??? Holy cow’s eggs! I had no idea!

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Yes. The new job is very crazy, hectic, and chaotic. I think my boss thinks I am gonna crack any minute!! LOL…She kept checking on me today…(It was a payroll deadline today, and I have had exactly THREE days of training…)

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If I made mistakes, people didnt get paid. But heck, NO PRESSURE!!

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Anyway, she would run by every hour or so…If I was smiling, all was well. If I was scowling, she got concerned. It was very amusing…Its all good. Really…I didnt look at the clock all day, honestly, and my day just flew by…

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I have no time for anything really, which is actually good right now for me, since sooo many other changes are taking place, once again, in my personal life…

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I am trying not to dwell on those things though and just focus on all the good thats happening…

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But the bestest news? I was gonna wait one more week to start back into my morning run program, simply because  my morning routine is still off, but nope. I got my happy ass up this morning and did my first jog in over three weeks…And you know what? It went really really well and I felt GREAT…WOO HOO!!!

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Then, I went to lunch with some work folks. They wanted to go to KFC, of course…And they TRIED to persuade me into badness, but I fought them buddies. I did I did I did! I got a plain grilled chicken sandwhich and a side of green beans…Now. How clever is that??? I am proud of me!!!

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I went and worked out hard tonight too…And made a delightful grilled chicken dish. Did you all know I am a grill master?? Seriously, I kicked Steve off of his grill about 3 years ago after he burned my weiner once! (I guess its better then burning HIS weiner!!!)

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Anyway, I feel really really good today about sooo many things. What an exciting summer this shall be for me. And DAMN IT. I am gonna get this weight off. I SWEAR IT!!!! UGH!!

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Have a super great week kids!!!

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Love ya mean it!!!!!

 

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Happy Sunday Buddies!

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And a Very Happy Fathers Day to my male buddies whom are also dads?You guys rock!!!

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Well. This weekend has been a pretty special one for me?

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I have, of course, spent most of it in my hometown, which is about 45 minutes away reacquainting with my sister Michele, my BIL Rick, and my niece Whitley. I had not seen them in three years?

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My niece left a 10 year old, and has returned a beautiful young woman! At the age of 13, she is as tall as me and as cute as a button?I just can?t believe this is the same little girl.

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She was actually the FIRST one to christen me with the name you all now call me. YEP. From her first talking days, she has called me Aunt Dawnie?She started the fad!

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The craziest thing is, when I walked into my mom?s house yesterday, it was truly as if no time at all had passed. My sister and I immediately fell into our sister routine. (You sisters out there know what I mean). We teased my mom. We talked about various family members who got on our nerves. We talked about each others weight loss…

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She has lost over 100 pounds (regained 20 though this past winter due to medication) and I with my 60-ish pounds?

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We spent all day together talking. Shopping. Hanging out. And it was as if no time at all had passed. I am ever so glad to have her home. I got to fill her in on my very crazy and chaotic year?And she offered me the support, love and advice that only an older sister can?

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She was astounded at my weight loss. When last she saw me I was 215 pounds?

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Together, we have committed to help each other finish this weight loss journey. She to re-lose her 20 pounds. Me to get my final 30 off.

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I am actually, at this point, smaller then her, and it bothers her much?I wish it didn?t. For I want her to be happy for me, as I am sooo happy and proud of her?I know she will get those pounds off?I don?t care who is bigger at this point. Honestly. I am just glad we are both under 200 pounds for the first time in over 15 years?

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I will say, though, that the friendly competition has kicked in, and I told her, she better watch out, as I am gonna whoop her butt on this one! She is the motivation I have been waiting for this year?

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Today, I went down again, because it?s Fathers Day…

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You may remember my father passed away 4 years ago in June.  

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So June is a hard month for us. His birthday was in June. Fathers Day is in June, and his death date is in June. Yep. June kinda sucks for me?

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But we had a lovely day today. We picked out a nice plant to take to the cemetery. We spent over two hours at the cemetery, talking, laughing, and crying?Her, her husband and daughter and me and Stevie?It was therapeutic and much needed. And I think my dad would have approved.

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So to finish, I shall wish my dad a VERY happy father?s day! I miss you just as much today as I did 4 years ago?

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And whether you are 5, 35, or 95, you just never stop missing your parents?

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It is remarkable how through his death we have gained more love, understanding and forgiveness of his flaws…

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In life, he was a hard man to love, and a somewhat spotty dad. In death, it no longer seems to matter.

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I miss you dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I  hope that you are proud of the woman I have become?

 

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I am back from my travels to San Francisco…WOW…

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What a long ass plane ride that was!! UGH…And did I mention, I HATE to fly? And did I mention I took this trip alone, with NO ONE for moral support??? UGH UGH UGH…

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But, heck, I lived. I did…

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So, I worked hard by day, learning my new job, and by night, I was a grand adventurer…I had my city map. My walking shoes, and away I went!

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I am EVER so proud of myself. Truly. I went to restaurants. Bars. Took a bus. Met new friends…ALL BY MYSELF…And you know what? I did OKAY…

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I missed my husband for sure…Quite pathetically, actually. I think I called him 4-5 times a day!!!!  What can I say…It is indeed true. Absence DOES make the heart fonder…

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No, really, mostly because he and I just always have so much fun traveling together that it was weird not having him with me…

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I walked alot…Ate what I wanted, but only when I was hungry, and I stopped before I was full…So I feel okay…

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I tried a TON of new things…Something the old me would NEVER have done…I tried Thai Food. Sushi. New beers. Public transportation…  I am a regular old storm trooper…

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I am now officially back on the wagon. (I know, you have heard that a few times this month, but this one is a keeper)

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Why?

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Because FIRST. My new job is now less of a threat…I will start week three next week and will be able to re-establish some habits (Walking at lunch, packing my lunch, etc…) I will be busy, for sure, much much more busy then my old job, but I feel now that I have some training, I can finally start just getting a routine down…

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SECOND…I simply dont like how I have felt these last two weeks. I dont like NOT having control any more…So whats the best way to fix that? By taking back control…So thats what I shall do…

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THIRD, my sister and her family all arrived safely from Japan this past Monday. Now, I have not seen her, of course, since I was out on the West Coast, but she is here now, and together, she and I will get each other to the finish line…

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I WILL GET THERE…I know this…

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I have had a few spills from the wagon this first half of the year, but you know what? ITS OKAY…I found another wagon, and it promises to be a much smoother ride now…

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I hope to be a bit more regular starting next week. I am spending the weekend down in my old hometown visiting with my sister, of course, but come Monday, I should be back on track here at buddy slim…

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I have missed you guys!!!!

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Love-Dawn

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Right back where I started from…”

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Yes buddies. I leave tomorrow about 2 to fly into California!

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WOO HOO!! My first trip ever to that state…I am excited and nervous.

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Excited for the trip. Nervous for the flight. I havent flown alone since I was 16! EGADS…Say a prayer for me kids…

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Week one at my new job is now officially in the books…Went pretty well. Still no computer or phone, but I have bonded extremly well with my co-worker. We have SOOOOOO much in common…And I truly do adore her…

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She is a larger girl as well, larger then me, actually, and she wants me to help her. So thats very inspiring…

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Yesterday, I showed her my before pics and she about died. Its really funny to meet new people who dont know me as the incredibly fat cow that I was…They truly do seem shocked to see my before pics…You can tell people you have lost 60 something pounds, and they say, oh, thats lovely, but when they see the before pics, well…Its priceless!!!!

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She went on and on about my face and how much thinner it is…

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I needed that boost buddies…

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Honest. She has given me a new purpose and new motivation…The job has motivated me as well, as I must admit its kind of a young, trendy, company filled with “Hollywood” types…

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I cant allow myself to get fatter…I need to use that as motivation to get thinner…

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I have been horribly off track this week…My new office is in a very industrial part of our town…So they cater to the truck drivers, and I am surrounded by no less then 10 fast food restaurants…

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We have no fridge yet either, so I have been unable to pack my lunch…

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The result??

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This week I did a world food tour…

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Chinese on Monday…American fast food on Tuesday. Wednesday I did Italian, and last night I did Mexican…

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I have eaten out more this week then in the whole year combined, I think…

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And what do I have to show for it??

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A nice little regain…This did not make me happy, but it was the reality check that I needed…I knew this was bound to happen with all the new changes in my life…

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I could make a million excuses…But I wont…

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The bottom line is, I did it. Its my fault. And I must stop it. I do not like how I feel at all this week. My belly has hurt NIGHTLY. I have drank no less then four glasses of Alka Seltzer due to heartburn. My body simply can not handle that kind of food any more. I feel fat and bloated because I AM fat and bloated…

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But I am glad…

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I want to remember this feeling and as a matter of fact, I wrote it in my journal. Because I dont want to feel this way again…

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So, my plan is to maintain this week while in San Francisco. I ahve a gym in my hotel and I will be walking everywhere…

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And the following week I am going to ONCE AGAIN recommit to get to my next goal. Which is 170 by August…

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I KNOW I CAN DO THIS…

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Take care buddies…I will have VERY limited email access while in Cali, but I will pop in again at some point when I return…

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Luv ya and miss ya much!!!!

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Buddies! I miss you!!

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My new job is going well. VERY VERY hectic and chaotic. I go from complete boredom to complete chaos within moments…

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I have no computer. No phone. Nothing…AT & T are about three weeks behind schedule getting us up and on line…

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See, its not a new business, but its a brand new building. They hope to open, live, by June 18th. We will see…

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In the mean time, they are sending me off to San Francisco on Sunday…WOO HOO…I have never been to California, so I am very excited. VERY NERVOUS as I am going alone…But I need some training and thats where the corporate office is…

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I think if I can make it through the next two weeks, life will be good. I think I made a good choice with this job. The company is young, trendy, and hip, and seems to really want their employees to succeed…

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So, of course, no computer means I have had ZERO time to blog or read blogs or even respond to emails…By the time I get home, get dinner and workout, well, there just isnt time…And now I am packing and trying to get things together for my trip…UGH…

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I really  hope I get my footing here in the next two weeks so I can get my routines back and a bit of normalcy to my life…

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My diet is okay. I am still getting my nightly workouts in, but my morning jog and my afternoon walk have not returned yet. They will. They will, once I get a routine…But I keep forgetting to eat dinner because I am too busy…I know this is NOT good. I know this will HURT me…I am not even reaching 1200 calories lately, and that is a concern…

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So thats my focus next week…TO MAKE MYSELF EAT even if I am too busy…UGH…

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I miss you guys a lot and feel WAY WAY WAY out of touch with all of you…

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But please know I am thinking of you and hope to be back to my regular blogging schedule in two weeks…

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TAKE CARE AND STAY HEALTHY!!!

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Hello buddies! A late night Sunday blog from me…Kind of a rarity for me, I suppose…

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Just wanted to pop on and wish you all a great week…I probably wont be blogging much this week, but am still going to try to come out here and read yours…

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I start my new job tomorrow and well, frankly, I am quite nervous!!  UGH…I just want that first day over, you know?? I feel like I am 12 again…Bluck…

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Also want to send a cyber hug out to my little buddy Nikki who is ALSO starting her new job tomorrow…I will be with you in spirit girl!!!

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I feel kind of fat and bloated today. Not sure whats going on there…I think its just because my routine is out of sync…Truly. It messes me up mentally something fierce!!

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So I am hoping to regain some control here in the next day or so…

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I had to send an SOS call to my husband tonight and BEG him to help me stay on plan over the next few weeks…I just feel so, gosh, FUNKY???

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Like I can only focus on one life event at a time…This week, my new job, next week, my sisters arrival home…I know I MUST keep focused on my weight and fitness too, or I am going to fall of the wagon, and I just can have that…

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Say a prayer for me…PLEASE…UGH…Hopefully between myself, my husband, and you lovely buddies, I can stay focused somewhat on me and my plan…

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Take care all and have a super healthy week!!

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Dawn

 

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And the evil SCALE…

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Well. Once again, I thought about NOT blogging today?

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I don?t like to keep blogging about the same things, you see?All my poor pathetic woes!! Because I don?t want you guys out there saying ?SHUT UP ALREADY!!!”

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But, in this case, I wanted too, because, well, maybe it helps others to see that I share in the ups, the downs, the frustrations, and what not of this thing called a weight loss journey?

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So Friday?s are my official weigh in.

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In all honesty, I have not weighed in since May 11^th?Three weeks ago?I weighed in at my 178?Great?Then my party, and my birthday week, and then my new job and some celebrations continued?

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Summary= For two weeks I was off plan. Horribly?I have no idea how much weight I regained?But I am gonna say it was several pounds?

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Well, I got myself back on track last week?Only to have TOM come?Fine. I still stayed on plan?Everyday. Food and exercise?Then the holiday weekend came. STILL, I did well. NOT great, but well?

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So I am at the end of two weeks of being back on plan?I will remind you all, that I walked TWO 5ks as well in this time frame?

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And what did my scale have to say for himself this morning??? I am up?Several pounds actually?

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Now?It did give me several different readings and my husband as well. It IS possible the scale is being goofy?I am not in denial folks, it was acting really weird, and it has never done that before?

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Here is my frustration?

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The way I feel, and how my clothes fit do not reconcile with what the scale is saying!!!!

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Per my scale, I am at the same exact place I was in January, yet, I am wearing clothes today that I could not wear in January. I have had numerous people compliment me in the last few weeks on my weight loss?I am noticing more changes with my body. And in weird places, I might add?Just yesterday my husband noticed my wrists!! My wrists are getting smaller?

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I notice my face continues to get thinner?

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My size 14?s are getting loose?

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So I ask you?

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Why is the scale being my number one nemesis??

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Why is he trying soooo hard to ruin my life???

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Why do I even care what he has to say??? When I KNOW I am doing what I need to do???

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Am I truly destined to circle around 180 forever?184-182-178-182?

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Will I EVER be firmly in the 170?s??? Truly?? Will I EVER reach goal????

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Will I be 80 before that happens??? (Picture that?Me?80 years old, posing in my goal weight swim suit!!) NIIIIICE!!!

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I think, of course?SOMEDAY?If I keep doing what I am doing?SURELY the scale will fall in line?But GOSH?How much longer??

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I am exercising three times a day at least 5 days a week?I don?t think I can give any more there?Don?t really want too?

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My calories are staying between 12-1300. I could PROBABLY tighten my weekends up a bit more there?Not a lot, but a bit more?So there is room for improvement there?

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But other then that, I KNOW I am doing it correctly?My body has completely changed shape?I know what I do is working?I know I need to keep my ?Oh, I fell off the wagon for two weeks? to a minimum. And I will. I am determined to not let that happen again for a while?

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Is that enough???

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I asked my husband this morning if he thought there might be a market demand for a comic book?You know, my arch rival, my darkest nemesis, the SCALE vs. Determined Dawnie??

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I think I should give it a shot, really?I have all kind of scale death scenario?s worked out in my head?Death by fire. Death by dropping it off the tallest building in downtown Columbus?Death by running over it with my car?

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Ooooh. Death by baseball bat…I like that one…

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Ugh. I have never in my life had such a love/hate relationship as I do with my scale?

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Have a good weekend buddies?

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May you all conquer your scale this weekend and rise victorious!!!

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Dawn