Dawn’s Weight Loss Journey

 

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Happy Friday buddies!!! The sun is shining bright here this morning, and this makes me ever so happy!!! Who cares that it?s chilly, as long as I can see the sun, life is good!

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So, I have had a really strange week?

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Well, I should clarify that statement?In relation to diet and exercise it?s been a strange week?The rest of my life has been fairly normal this week, for once!

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So, I weigh in on Fridays, okay? Last Friday I weighed in with a two pound loss, but it was re-loss, so I was a bit bummed?Friday, because I was bummed, I ate a little less then stellar?I wont even tell you what atrocity made it into my home?

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Okay. I will?

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Brace yourselves?I have not eaten fast food in a long long time?And when I do, I get grilled chicken?But for whatever reason I can not fathom, my husband went out and got White Castles?Now?For any of you NOT familiar with them, they are miniature little burgers soaked through and through with grease and onions?

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Back in the day, I could eat 6-8 of them without blinking an eye?Steve brought me home four?I ate two?But two was enough for me to be up most of the night with a stomach that protested loudly to being assaulted by those two burgers?

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Saturday came, as did date day, and we ate out again?I utilized portion control and still felt, overall, I was under calories for the day, even though I did eat two pieces of pizza and drank several beers. It was the only meal I had that day?

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Easter came, and all was good on that day?Then this week came?And my eating while not HORRIBLE, I have been over about 100-200 calories per day, because its cold, and I want to eat?Period?I cant seem to get full this week?

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Now, the real problem is my exercising?The weather got cold, so I couldn?t walk at lunch, or run in the morning?In addition to that, my gym was closed on Saturday and Sunday due to the Easter holiday?Monday, I didn?t work out due to another lame back injury?Sooo. I missed THREE days in a row of exercise?Not like me at all?

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When I did get back on Tuesday, I worked out well and hard?

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So I wasn?t even going to get on the scale this morning. Really. I expected a 3-5 pound gain?How could I not??? Bad food, little exercise?

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Then I thought, no, might as well get on, see what damage you have done, and deal with it this week?This week is promising to be a bit better weather wise, and I know after tonight (another dinner!!) I will be back on track?

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So I get on, with my eyes closed?As if that?s going to help?And low and behold, I am completely amazed and flabbergasted that not only did I NOT gain (Impossible!!) but I actually DROPPED another pound?Yep. My ticker is finally truly accurate?I sit, once again, at 180?

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Now I ask you all?

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How is it when I am completely on plan, 100%, the weight refuses to budge?But I go off plan for a few days, and I lose a pound????

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Have I entered an alternant universe???

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Okay. So today, buddies, I gotta tell you what?s on my mind?(I know, like that?s any different then any other day, eh??)

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So you may say ?Dawn, what IS on your mind today??? and I shall reply? ?FOOD?

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Food, dear buddies, is on my mind?

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My mind works in mysterious ways (Please, Scott, Mary and Erika, I do not need any comments about the inner workings of my mind, my little peanut gallery!)

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It truly does?Thoughts pop in and out, ever so randomly, and then I will obsess about them for days!!! UGH!

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When I die, I am donating my brain to science so someone can figure out why it is I am so strange!

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So this week, the subject of my OCD is Food?Lunches and dinners actually?

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I don?t know about you all, but for me, this whole dinner/lunch phenomena is kind of cyclical?I will go for weeks without a single social request, and then all of a sudden, I will get 5!!

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And the last two weeks have been that way for me?Several requests for lunches or dinners from my beloved friends, some family members, etc?Add into that me and my hubby?s weekly date day, and well, you suddenly have three or four outings a week that involve food?

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I always try and do my best. I try to go for the salads. The grilled chicken, grilled fish, etc?And if all else fails, I utilize portion control?But sadly, when you are eating out 3-4 times in a week, chances are good, your gonna gain or maintain that week. Period?

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At least for me?I only get 1200 calories a day and frankly, its hard, even when eating healthy, to not exceed that with the restaurant quality foods.

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So do you skip them??? Do you miss out on the camaraderie, in an effort to hold to your diet principles?? Or do you suck it up, go out and enjoy it for what it is, and just work harder the following week? Because, really, isn?t life too short to NOT enjoy it, in moderation???

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So I started pondering this today?

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What is it about the sharing of a meal??? Why do we feel this is the only way we can convey how delighted we are with each others company?? Why does it feel so good and natural to share a good meal with someone you like???

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Is it the meal itself? Is it the company? Is it that we have something to do in between the conversation, making things more relaxed? Is it a little bit of everything??? Does conversation TRULY flow better over food???

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How many first dates were held over a meal?? How many times have secrets been shared over a meal?? How many tears have been cried over a meal?? Good news, too, has often been shared over a meal?

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Yes, food, does indeed, bring people together?

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In talking to Steve this morning, who is often too smart for his own good, I learned that it is a spiritual thing?Dating back thousands of years, of course?Sharing of a meal was thought of as a spiritual communion of sorts (The Last Supper)?Taking in the food of a companion, is in essence, sharing a piece of each other?

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Okay. That makes sense, even to me?

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But I guess I don?t understand why we still do it?There are many ways to spend time with friends?Walks?Shopping?Movies?Phone calls?Sporting events?Heck, even a good workout at the gym, would sometimes be preferable to hanging out at the nearest restaurant?

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Yet, for some reason, sharing of a meal is the most socially acceptable form of friendship and companionship.

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Now, don?t get me wrong. I LOVE a good meal?HONEST?Eating is one of my favorite things (Big surprise?)  and I truly love a GOOD meal. I have always been the type of person to appreciate it. I don?t mind paying 20 bucks for steak, as long as it?s a damn good steak! Because in addition to the food, I DO enjoy the whole process of meal sharing?

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Seriously, a well made meal, with good conversation, and a person you truly like, well, it   can almost be better then sex in my opinion!!

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So I guess, instead of losing more sleep over my sudden influx of invites, I should thank my lucky stars that I am surrounded by loved ones who actually WANT to hang out with me, eh??? Who truly seem to like my company and wish to share a meal with me?

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I guess I will quite whining about it. Accept it. Be grateful for it, and just tack on an additional 15 minutes on my damn elliptical?

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Because, at this stage in my diet game, spending time with those folks whom I truly truly enjoy, well, thats more important to me right now then sticking to my diet principles…An extra workout is not too much to ask for the reward of a truly good moment with a good friend…

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May you all be blessed with the gift of a  truly good meal this week with a truly good person!

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Happy Monday all!

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I sure hope you all successfully fought the evils of the chocolate bunny!!! I was pretty thankful the Easter Bunny by-passed my house this year?He wasn?t really missed, actually, and other then not getting to workout, because the gym was closed, I was able to stay on plan all weekend?WHEW!!!

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A few weeks ago you may remember that my beagle dog Michaela had surgery?I never did report back on her, but today, she is the subject of my blog?I told her today I am gonna make her famous!!! She looked at me as if to say, whatever, you crazy human?

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Anyway, she had three tumors removed?Thank GOD none of them were cancerous?So for a few weeks afterwards she walked around looking like Franken Weiner?Staples in her arm. Staples in her ear?Had to wear the dreaded e-collar (That?s the cone, for all you non pet people!)?It was really all very amusing to Steve and I?

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Well, she had her staples out a few weeks back, and for whatever reason, she has a hole in the middle of her ear?Our Vet used lasers for her surgery as opposed to a scalpel? Well, apparently, she burned right through the ear?Now, she assured us it will fill in?I gotta tell ya, it sure doesn?t look like it will! It?s a hole about the size of a pencil eraser?Its completely healed, otherwise, so I really don?t think its gonna fill in?

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So this leaves us with one REALLY goofy looking beagle?And because we don?t want her suffering from doggie low self esteem, we recently discussed our fashion options?

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Now?My husband says we should put a gold ring through it, a patch over her eye, and let her sport the ?Pirate? look?Well, I informed him that the pirate look was really, sooooo 2004!!! It?s a bit outdated in my humble opinion.

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And really, Johnny Depp does it soooo darn well, that?s there?s really little hope that Michaela could pull it off?(Not that it matters, but I swear, Johnny Depp is the sexiest man alive!!)

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I am leaning more towards the Hip Hop/Gangsta look?Its hip. Its happenin! The hole in her ear truly looks like a bullet hole. So I have told Michaela that she could, if she wanted, come up with quite the tall tale as to how she got the bullet hole (NOT That I am encouraging lying at all!!)

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I think she should get one of those stickers that I have seen on cars that looks like your car has been shot?(Which I have never understood, really, why you would want people to think your car has been shot!)?We could paste it on her ear around the hole?We could put a gold cap on her tooth, a few diamond studded collars on her neck (Doggy Bling, if you will) and she could go around saying ?Yo, Dawg, what up with the kibble????

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She could tell all her home dawgs that she was cruisin through the hood one night when bullets started flying (And really, the way things are going lately in my neighbor hood, this wouldn?t be all that far fetched?) She could even say she was coming to the rescue of her feline sister?And that in an effort to save her life, she threw herself in front of the bullet! It?s a wonderful story?

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At any rate, it all sounds much better then, ?Oh, my Vet burned my ear!?

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So, we haven?t really decided yet what our course of action will be?But it will be a family decision for sure?We want to make sure we have a happy well adjusted beagle to add to our community?

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Because, really, aren?t there enough dogs with issues these days?? I mean, I hear news stories all the time about the decline of our canine youths?Canine fights. Canine obesity?It?s a mess out there!

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Take care all!!

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Good morning buddies and a very happy Friday?

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I am having an incredibly hard time starting this blog today?I have started and stopped a dozen times?Could it be she is at a loss for words??? Oh, gosh! Call the press!

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Nah?Don?t sweat it kids?

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My mental block is only temporary?

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It is only that I can?t think of where to begin?

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I must confess, I am being less then honest?And that is NOT something I like to do?Honesty is very important to me?So I am here to spill the beans?

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My ticker below is not accurate?Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

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Its not?I do not update it, as I should, when I experience a re-gain?To do so is very very hard for me?Perhaps some of you can relate?Its so hard to know you worked hard, got down to a certain weight, and then because you had an off week, or TOM came, or whatever nonsense, you gain a pound or two?So I just have never done it?

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So?I weighed in today?And I did indeed lose two pounds this week?And for some reason, I absolutely refuse to acknowledge that as a good thing?Why? Because its re-loss, and I still fell short of my goal of hitting the 170?s?UGH!!!

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So there was my dilemma?Do I type an upbeat blog or do I come clean?I was leaning towards the upbeat blog because frankly, I think we could all use a few more upbeat blogs this week! But, I thought, I wouldn?t be honest then?Maybe, just maybe, someone else out there on this journey feels this same way, and it?s important for me to let them know they are not alone?

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So there you go?I had a loss of two pounds?This is good?But I am still not in the 170?s?This is frustrating?I have been 100% back on plan for four weeks now?And in that time TOM came, gave me three pounds of baggage, I have added in two new activities, remained faithful to my diet and exercise, and I have accomplished gaining and re-losing 4 pounds?

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Can I get a giant Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

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With that said, though?I shall now move on?I will, as always, try to end on a positive note?

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I did not have the scale melt down that I had thought I would?See, I logged on this morning and the very first blog I read was Cindy?s?THANK YOU CINDY!! And I read about our measures of success?

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And I reminded myself that just yesterday I told you all about fitting into clothes that did not fit just three months ago?

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Now, I have never taken my measurements, and darn it, I sure wish I would have, but based on the clothing situation yesterday, I am going to safely assume I have lost about 3-4 inches since December just in my waist?Clearly I have lost a few inches in my arms as well, since the jacket fit as well?

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So?I had already decided to focus on that?

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Then, as I was preparing to leave my homestead, I was looking at myself in the full length mirror that hangs in our entrance way?Making sure things were where they were supposed to be , when the husband, who was sitting on the top stair putting on his shoes, says ?Hey, are those new jeans???? I say, ?Nope??

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He says ?Well, they sure make your butt look saucy????..?

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Saucy??? I don?t think my butt has ever been called saucy?Nor me for that matter!!!

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But hey, I will take it?

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So today, I don?t really like the scale, but I love the reflection in the mirror?She is looking damn good these days!!

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Take care buddies and may you all have a safe, and blessed Easter with your family and friends?

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Dawnie

 

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Happy Thursday buddies!!

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Now, can any of you tell me how it is that Tuesday  I was laying on my deck, soaking in the sun and today I had to pull out me scarf and me gloves????

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Och! Gotta love the ever changing Ohio weather?

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So today I shall tell you about my most happiest of news?This year for Christmas my husband bought me clothes?Now?This is a pretty darn big deal?He had been witness to more then one emotional break down in the past when trying to surprise me with clothes, only to find out that he got the wrong size?Or more accurately, he bought the right size, but I was too fat to fit in them?

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So for many Christmases, he was told to just get me gift cards?

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Trust me. It was in his best interest! HAH!

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But this year, he went ahead and bought me an outfit?It is a black velvet jacket with matching black velvet dress capri?s?Size 14?Well, I don?t know if any of you have had experience with velvet (Flashback to prom or the dreaded bridesmaids dresses) but velvet is NOT a forgiving material?There is no stretch what so ever?

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So needless to say, at Christmas, neither item fit?They were both CLOSE, but, nope, not something I could wear this season?So I hung them in the closet, tags and all, and said, ?Maybe next year??

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Well, it snowed here last night?Lightly?And has turned a little chilly?So as I was perusing my closet this morning, I thought, Hmmm?Maybe I should try the capri?s?They are cold weather capri?s?

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Pulled them on, and lo and behold?THEY FIT?!?!?! I show them to the husband and he says ?Hey, try the jacket too!??I say ?Well, it was tight in the arms, so it probably wont fit?? But to appease the man, I tried it on?IT FIT!?!?!?!?!

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Here is the odd thing?I have only lost about 5 pounds, really, since Christmas?And that?s even questionable?But I am guessing, this is proof, that I have indeed lost several several inches?YAY!

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So today, I kind of look like a cross between Little Lord Fauntleroy and Angus Young (Lead guitarist of AC/DC, for you non musical folk!)?

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Its all good?Even if me and the Scale face off tomorrow, and I lose the battle once again, I now feel good that my body is indeed changing for the better?

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So I will leave you with this?

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I am sitting there this morning drinking my coffee?

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Watching out my back window?

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Now, I have a wrought iron flower box on my deck that I have had for a couple of years?It has one of those grass liners in it to hold in the dirt?And every year, this liner gets smaller and smaller, and rattier?I had no idea what was going on?Today, I discovered the culprit?There, sitting on the ledge of my flower box were two house finches?Picking ever so lightly at my grass liner?Apparently, they are building a nest out of my materials!! I just laughed?Now I know why I need to replace this liner ever year! Another of life?s mysteries solved!

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You know, it?s okay though?They certainly need that liner more then I do?

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Have a happy and healthy Thursday buddies!!!

 

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That is indeed the question, eh??

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To be silent or not to be silent is what it should say?

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I have chosen to NOT be silent?Of course, this will come as no surprise to most of my buddies?

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As you know, I had yesterday off?Took a mental health day for myself, and man?It was DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELightful!!! (More on that later?)

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So yesterday afternoon, I spent some time on here, in the forums, based on some things I had read in a blog?I don?t get to the forums much these days?For a variety of reasons?But since I had the day off, I decided to peruse?

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At first, I was amused. Seriously. I read some things out there, and was INSTANTLY transported to high school. I kid you not?There is one thread that is so ridiculously juvenile that at first, I could not believe I was seeing it out here on my beloved buddyslim?A community comprised, I thought, of adults?

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I even called in the husband to have a look?But the further I read, well?The more offended I got?Because, although I was not directly involved with the muck on hand, there was an awful lot of generalization, finger pointing, and frankly, just a lot of high school bullying and bullshit going on?

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This, of course, sent my nerves into over drive?

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I have been out here for 6 ? months. I had tried a few other sites, but did not like the politics of them. The HUGENESS of them?The pushing of a certain plan or routine?Then I found this place, and it was THANKFULLY void of all that?

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Here was a safe place where I could meet all kind of different folks from all different kinds of backgrounds that would do their best to not judge me. Here I was free to be myself. Blog about whatever came to mind. Support and be supported?

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I was rather surprised yesterday to learn, that this board is no longer quite so welcoming or embracing of different views, thoughts and opinions?I suppose I was rather na?ve in thinking there was such a place in existence?

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Everything I read yesterday is counter productive to what this site was formed for?

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How dare anyone tell someone else that these are the rules and if you don?t like them, leave?There are no rules here?NONE?If there were, they would be posted and monitored by Dr. Marc himself?

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How dare anyone tell someone that you must not only lose this weight for you, but for a whole team of folks?Frankly, that?s complete bullshit. You don?t lose this weight for anyone BUT yourself?To lose it for any other reason is setting yourself up for failure?

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How dare anyone tell someone else that they are not trying hard enough or losing fast enough?This is complete lunacy?Really?MOST experts agree, and I have several sources I can quote if you need the proof, that SLOW AND STEADY LOSS OF 1-2 POUNDS PER WEEK IS HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. Two reasons?To avoid re-gaining, and to lessen the amount of excess skin you will have?

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And here is the statement that got my goat the most? ?You must not be serious about your weight loss?? REALLY???? Since when has voicing your concerns, or having a bad week, or hitting a plateau, or doing things your way, in your time, translate to someone NOT being serious about weight loss? Truly? This statement nearly made me lose my mind?

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I mean COME ON?Every single one of us will hit a roadblock. A plateau.  A rough week were you can?t be 100%. You can aim for it, but by God, we will all fall short at least once, and if you say you haven?t or you wont, you are deceiving yourself.

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Now?I think the intent of a challenge is good?I think a bit of friendly competition NEVER hurts, FRIENDLY competition is the key word there?When it no longer remains fun and friendly?When it becomes a dictatorship of do it my way or leave, well?I am sorry?It is simply no longer acceptable?

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Clearly, there are a lot of folks here who are succeeding by participating in a challenge. I have a couple good buddies who are doing remarkably well. And I know they feel they need that to succeed?

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I, however, am not one of those folks?I am doing this for myself and myself only?I get my accountability from myself and my food journal?

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And yes, my journey has been incredibly, and sometimes painfully, slow?But, to a degree, I wanted it that way. I wanted to walk this journey ONLY ONCE. And I truly believe I will?I have had three years to change my complete relationship to food. I have changed my insides, worked on a hell of a lot of mental crap associated with weight loss, and well, I still don?t have it all figured out?But I will. I will?

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Now, I know this blog is gonna have the mud packed and ready to be slung. And that is fine. I knew this before I even typed?But I ask that if you have something to say to me, you say it directly to me. If you have a point to make, make it for yourself. Don?t presume to speak on behalf of everyone else. And for God sake, don?t resort to catty, childish behavior?

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I am not here to condemn anyone for their choices?Not at all?I posted this blog simply to voice MY CONCERN about the true intent of this web space?

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EVERYONE should feel safe here?Safe to be who they are. Say what they want. Follow any plan they choose, without fear of retaliation and retribution?

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The end destination for all of us is the same?EXACTLY the same?How we get there, and how long it takes, is very very personal?

 

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She takes a deep deep breath…And all is right with the world…For now!

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Well, buddies, thank you all ever so much for dealing with me yesterday…All of you who commented on my blog, and emailed me directly, well…I appreciate it…

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A super special thanks to Erika and Mary, two of my first, and some very special buddies…

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Jenn, thank you for your kind email…

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And Wonder Woman, you are wise beyond your years…

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I soooo appreciate all of you who took the time to read and comment on my blog…I ALWAYS appreciate the comments I get. I do read them, sometimes repeatedly (My OCD!!! )

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I do have to make a special mention though to Shannon…When I read this line, it jumped right into my heart…

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 ”I AM ME, theres no one else like me, I am unique, I am Shannon. AND You Dawnie are so unique and special, don’t ever forget that. As for love, well you have to love to get love, never be afraid of it because when it all comes down to it, that’s all that matters in this world!!”

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You know what. I am me…I know no other way to be, really…All these events I eluded to, have all contributed and formed the person I have become…And you know what?? For the most part…A rather LARGE part…I like me!! I really really do!!

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Oh, sure, there is work to be done…Isnt there always? But gosh…When I think of who I was at 18 and who I am now, knocking on the door of 35, man…I am proud of who I am…I could have gone down many many different, darker paths…But I didnt…I have never ever played the victim in my life and have very little patience for those who do…

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I may not have always chosen the correct path, but I saw each path to its end, and made the best of the destination I arrived at!

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And Shannon, about the Love part…Truer words have never been spoken!

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You see, I am, unfortuantely, or  fortunately, one of those people who love quickly, deeply, and unrelentlessly. My heart is forever on my sleeve. Sometimes, you can sense this in the blogs I write…If I am happy, the world knows it. If I am mad, well, they tend to know that too. I have never ever been able to hide my true feelings…And you know what? I think I am okay with that…

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There is no harm in loving people…Friends, family, loved ones…And I am not ashamed of it…

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So with that being said, I am just here this morning to say Thank you! You all are a delightful, supportive group of people…No matter what I throw out to you all, you let me know that its okay. That its all gonna be okay…

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I have connected with some of you on different levels, and that is something I could never have predicted, so in that case, you guys too, are shaping the me of the future…

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As for me and myself today, I took a mental health day off of work!!! (YAY!!!) to try to pull myself together…

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I am going to take some me time today, and sun myself on my deck!

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I have already gotten in my morning jog…And will soon head off to the gym to complete that task for the day…

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And then I shall lay around, and be thankful that I have loved and been loved by some really truly great people…

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Can you imagine not loving?? Or being loved?? I sure cant…And I feel sorry for those who havent…

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Because sometimes love hurts…But man, when its good, its really good…To know that no matter what you say, what you do, or how crappy you act, that one person still sees the good in you…The REAL you, and still loves you depsite your flaws?? Thats truly truly amazing…

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So here is hoping that each one of you have that person in your life. A spouse. A child.  A friend. That person who is gonna love you until the end of time…

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Take care all and have a happy and healthy Tuesday!!

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Dawnie

 

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Almost four years ago, my biggest problem was  how I would get up each day, knowing that my father had passed?How I would overcome that intense grief?A year and a half ago, my biggest problem in life was an asshole chauvinistic boss of mine who made my life a living hell?One year ago my biggest problem was finding a job and fast, so my family didn?t end up in the poor house?6 months ago my biggest problem was would I be divorced or not?

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And today?

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Well, today, my biggest problem seems so silly?Maybe not even a problem at all?But how do you move forward in life, when you don?t know who you are??? And, do we ever reach that place where we do, indeed, know who we are??

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If I am not the fat girl and I am not the thin girl, who then, am I??

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I have defined myself for a long time?By other titles?I am the fat girl. I am the girl always on a diet. I am Steve?s wife. I am Lynda?s daughter. I am the feeder, pet-ter, and pooper scooper, to four wonderful furry creatures Lucy, Michaela, Annabell and Bridgette. I am Angie?s older sister. I am Michele?s younger sister?I am a volunteer. I am a friend?

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If I lost any of these titles, who then, do I become???

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You see, in the moment, right smack dab in it, you think you will never survive?You think the pain of any problem is sooo great that there is no seeing the light at the end?But when I think back through all these moments, at the time, they were as ugly and heartbreaking as could be?But, I know that I did, indeed, survive them all?Or else I wouldn?t be here typing this silly blog!

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How then, did I do it??? Where does that strength come from???

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I need some of it today, for sure, for I am feeling very unsure of my next step?

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Buddies, without boring you to death, I came to a small crossroads today in my life. And armed with the limited knowledge that I have, and trying to follow my heart, I had to choose which path to take?So I took a step and headed down the path?

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But was it the right one???? UGH?I simply don?t know?It doesn?t feel as right as I think it should?

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You know, I simply hate the “what ifs” of life…

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I know that I will be okay. I always am?That is one thing I am certain of?It takes a lot to get this girl down and keep her there?

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But why, when the world is sooo full of sadness, chaos, and pain, would someone (Okay, ME) willingly give up something that is relatively good??? Something that brings joy and happiness????

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Why is the pain that the world will inevitable bring us anyway, not enough sometimes??? Why do we actually go out and create MORE pain for ourselves??? Heck some of us actually seek it out!!! I don?t get it?

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Truly?

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I know life is too short?I know this?Some of you know this too?So why is it, when there is so little love in the world, that when we do find it, we don?t know what to do with it or how to treat it, or even respect it?? Whether it?s a spouse, a child, a parent, a friend?Its like we do everything in our power to push that love away?To prove that we are as unlovable as we sometimes feel,  instead of simply saying ?thank you?. Thank you for loving me?

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It just doesn?t seem right?It seems that if you are lucky enough to be loved by your family and your friends, that you should embrace those people. Hold them close to you. And never let them go?

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Sorry buddies?Just feeling a bit chaotic today?

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Thanks, as always, for listening?I am fine really?Diet wise, I am on a roll!  

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Life wise, well, its just small bump in the road…

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