Ch-Ch-Changes…
?I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence and
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They’re quite aware of what they’re going through
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don’t tell t hem to grow up and out of it
Where’s your shame
You’ve left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can’t trace time
Strange fascination, fascinating me
Changes are taking the pace I’m going through?
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~David Bowie (Changes)
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Well, buddies, I suppose it should be self evident, this blog is about CHANGES!
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I will start off by saying I HATE CHANGE?Period. Never have I been one to be very adaptable or flexible. Trust me. I have had more then one boss tell me this?And the worst kind of change? The one that is forced on you?UGH?I hate that the most?When this happens, I react like a caged tiger?I bare my claws and I growl and squeal, and fight like mad against it?
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The good news???
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Once I get it through my rather stubborn skull that the change is what it is, I usually make peace with it, embrace it, and 9 times out of 10, I am happier with the change then I was before?So why then does she fight it, you may ask???? Well, I think it?s out of habit?
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So, I reflected this morning on the fact that once again, I could not get on my beloved elliptical?So I had three options facing me. I could go back home and come back later. I could sit and wait for Mr. Joe Cool to get off my elliptical, or I could just jump on a different, new machine?I chose the later?I got on the stair climber?
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Now. I have used this before from time to time, but really, its like soooo 1980?s!!! And truly, I can do 5 minutes before I am dying?(For anyone NOT familiar, it repeats the motion of climbing flights of stairs?) But I get on, and I say to myself, ?Self, set that timer for 10 minutes and suck it up??So I did?And you know what? I could feel DIFFERENT muscles being used?And it wasn?t as bad as I thought it would be?Here is a case of a forced change, that ended up good. I now think I will add 10-15 minutes on this outdated machine to my elliptical workout?And I did eventually get on my elliptical to complete my work out?
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Buddies, I have faced a lot of changes in the last year?Some are obvious?Weight?Two different jobs?Marriage?Letting go of some old friends, and being blessed with some new ones?Some changes were internal, not able to be seen?Changes I made to myself?
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Some I fought with everything I had in me, because at the time, I thought it was the right thing to do?Some I just accepted and moved on from?
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I am getting ready to face yet another huge change. My sister will be coming home to Ohio, from Japan, after 7 years!! My older sister?My best friend. Truly. I have not seen her in three years?And we have not lived near each other for 7?This will truly be an adjustment for all of us?But this is a change I am anticipating?And welcoming?
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So why this blog?
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Well, I have changed a lot this past year?I believe, over all, for the better?It was rough getting here, but here I am non the less?I am not even close to the person I was at this time last year. And I am glad?
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I found out this week that a very dear friend of mine, doesn?t really like, nor understand, the new me?The changed me?She wants the old me back?She doesn?t understand that she no longer exist?And I don?t think she is dealing well?So now I must decide if this friendship is worthy of fighting for, or if I have simply out grown the friendship?The decision makes me sad today?
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Because in my heart, I know the friendship itself, actually died off a while ago?I know in my heart, that I have not been there for her, nor she for me, for a long long time?And this makes it hard to get a friendship back on track?
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I truly don?t know if I even want too?I have many other pressing relationships in my immediate vicinity that DO warrant my time and attention?People who HAVE been there for me for a while?These are the people I want to be with these days?My husband?Two very special friends of mine?My beloved family?I want to give these folks what is left over of me, after I have gone about my daily deeds?
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You know, I recently asked my husband, with some sadness, because our marriage has truly been tested this year in a number of ways, ?Do you think we will ever get back to what we once were?? and he replied ?No, Dawn, we wont. We can?t go back?BUT, who?s to say that what we were, was the best thing? Maybe NOW is the best we will be?? And he is right?None of us know what changes will force other changes and what the final outcome will be?
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And I am ever so happy to report that he has been firmly re-established as my best friend, and I do think we shall come out of this tunnel better and stronger then ever before?This was a change that needed to happen?
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So perhaps it is time to just let this go?Maybe I will be blessed with some new friends soon, that will make up for the few I have lost along the way?Maybe my sister coming home signals the start of yet another wonderful chapter to my life?I simply don?t know my friends?I guess the decision just weighs heavy on my heart today…UGH…
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I thank you all for reading this rambling tale?
And I am glad I have gotten to know soooo many of you out here…
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Stay strong, stay healthy, and stay true to who you are?
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Have a GREAT weekend guys and gals!!!
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Love-
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Dawn
Hey Dawnie,
First of all, great tune! I hear what you’re going through!!! And that song actually helped me through a very rough time of my own.
We have to change.
And all of us on this site are looking for a change. That comprehensive weight ticker for the whole site reflects that. And all of the lbs. lost reflect changes in our activities, lifestyles, attitudes, etc. And our changes affect others.
The most important thing is for us to be happy. I believe the rest will fall into place as it should (in time).
Keep your head up and keep listening to that song!! Best wishes for your sister’s return
I have talked about this before…life changes and friendships either evolve or they fade away.
Over the last 9 years since becoming a parent and a wife I have changed. My life, my priorities, my view of the world all have drastically changed. Actually, I see it more like a fine tuning of my personality and life.
I have lost a lot of friends over that period of time, some didn’t like the new me, and some I decided were not people that I would have my children around, and therefor had no place in my life. Mostly the friends that I lost were people who had children, and up until the time I had my own, I didn’t really realize what shitty parents they were.
It’s sad, but it happens. You have changed for the better, you as a person are better for it, and anyone who can’t support your improving your life and claiming your happiness shouldn’t be allowed to pull your focus away from those who do.
Oh Dawn I just love how you can put things into perspective. I’ve found changes in my life have sometimes been very lonley. Losing my fun party girls when I had a family, losing my social contacts when I decided to become a mommy full time. It always works out. Of course there’s my marital changed lately also. I believe it’s stronger now. Things really never can be the same. God knows whats best for us even when we fight and cry. There’s does seem to be a reason for everything! Without our turmoil our times of joy wouldn’t seem as special. We appreciate so much more when we’ve been through losses. Sometimes when we lose we win!! I’m so glad your sister will be home soon.
Tammy
I agree with Erika. As you evolve, friendships do change and either they or you make the choice that it’s come to an end. The common ground once shared is no longer there. It’s so hard Dawnie, I understand you completely just remember that only you can take care of you.
I felt shivers run down my spine reading this… the girl I was a few years ago and the one I am today would have never met, and if they did, they would not like each other, I suspect. I was thinking about this thing the other way around, actually - given how much I’ve changed and also how life has changed me, I’m thinking, I am so lucky to say that I still have a few friends that have followed me all the way. Sometimes, I think, we are really surprised how sometimes something really good can come out of something very painful. Life’s a b***, isn’t it, the way it does that, admit it was all for the better?
Now, before I get all cheesy (I’m sure even that kind of cheese is fattening
), let me warn you about the stair climber… It will make your legs realy bulky!! I used to do 40-minute sessions on it, true, but I ended up looking like a working horse. If you use it, be sure to do something light impact stuff afterwards. Otherwise, those bulgy calves ain’t gonna be pretty…
Thank you again for a wonderful blog.
I love your rambling tales. They are always so heartfelt and thoughtful. You make me think, time always makes relationships complex. With new friends its simpler, but after a while with sisters and husbands and old friends you get so much history it gets complex. hm. thanks for the epiphany.
have you ever heard the quote “Its taking me a long time to become the person I want to be?”
Wow, don’t we all feel this way at time. I feel that even though things are “changing” and people are growing apart dosen’t mean it is bad. Another chapter of life. YOu don’t have to write these people off compleatly but sounds like she wasn’t always there for you either so maybe it is going from both sides. I think that people that are put in our life good or bad, are there for a reason, as learning experiance, even if it isn’t forever. Some things are not ment to be forever and who knows you may reconnect again in the future. Sounds like you need to spend your time on you and your sis at this time anyway. good luck
Athena
Change is good. I can’t wait to try the new machines at the gym.
Excuse the length of this comment, but I think you’ll understand after you read it.
I don’t know the source, but it’s worth passing along.
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.!
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant .
Life is like ivy, we grow, we change and our life intertwines with others along the way. Some times we grow the same path, sometimes we go our seperate ways, and even sometimes our paths will cross again later in life. We have to grow,change or we stop living. Treasure the golden moments adnd let the rest go. Life is too short, truly.
Much Love & Brightest Blessings Dawnie!
Like always, Dawnie your blogs give me inspiration and something to ponder! I also don’t don’t do well with changes. I am learning with this journey, that changes are not always bad.
Have an awesome day!