I have been defeated…
Well, buddies?
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First of all, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!! I hope you all have a valentine you can snuggle with today! If you don?t, well then, go out and do something nice for yourself, and by all means, don?t be sad or blue! It?s a silly made up holiday anyway!!!
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Okay?On to today?s blog?
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I wave a white flag above my head?I surrender?I have been defeated by the scale?It is sad but true?And the defeat does not sit well with me?Admitting defeat is incredibly hard for me?
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So my two week, anti-scale campaign has not gone well?I weighed in today, and I did gain?I will not tell you how much but it was a couple pounds?I kind of knew it was coming?
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So I am very disappointed in myself. I am to blame for this?My eating has been absolutely horrible in the last four days?I think the cold weather had something to do with it?I have been craving warm, comfort, carb filled food, and I have had LITTLE desire to exercise?I have still exercised, but not at my full potential. I know this?
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Sooooo. Here are my lessons I learned and what I will pass on to you all?
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*LESSON ONE- For me, the scale is a necessary evil! Without my weekly weigh in and mid-week PRE weigh in, I kind of lost my accountability?I still journal?d, but I lost my ?Oomph? my power AND desire to say NO to myself and others?I went over my calories every day for the last four days, and although I will never know in which week the gain came, I am going to assume a lot of it came in the last four days?I will now go back to weighing in every week.
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I am a very structure loving person?The scale is part of that structure?Part of my routine?Just like my food journal. Without it, I fail?I will not allow myself to fail, so the scale has reclaimed its place of honor in our bathroom where it will remain. The scale was victorious?
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*LESSON TWO- There are some things that I will never or rarely be able to keep in my house again?Mainly, CHEESE?I love cheese. I would eat it in a house, I would eat it with mouse?I would eat it anywhere; I would eat it here or there?
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This weekend, as a snack, I purchased two blocks of gourmet cheese!
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Grapes, gourmet cheese and a good wine has always been our snack of choice for as long as I can remember?Well, I stopped doing that for obvious reasons?But this weekend for some reason, I thought it would be safe to allow cheese in my home?It was not?
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This is something that I can not, and will never be able to eat in moderation?I have eaten, pretty much single handedly, two pounds of gourmet cheese in four days?I am not proud of this in anyway, I simply share it with you all because I want you to know that I too have roadblocks, and I too stumble?
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*LESSON THREE- It is okay, at this stage in MY GAME to take a day off?It is not okay, and will probably NEVER be, to take two, three, and four days off?This is a disaster, and I must now set about RE-losing weight I have already lost?RE-LOSS is the crappiest kind of loss ever?TRULY?
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*LESSON FOUR- I will never ever have this weight loss thing completely down?Every now in then, you must look hard at yourself, and ask yourself the million dollar question. HOW DID I GET HERE, and WHERE NOW DO I WANT TO GO FROM HERE???? We must all do this?With jobs, life, weight loss, etc?Today, I asked myself that?
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You see, I think there are several factors that led to my defeat?The weather is one that is valid?The no scale thing is also valid?And for me, confidence?See, I was confident that I had this weight loss thing soooo down, that I could NOT weigh in?That I could be a little more flexible in my journaling and food choices. That I could relax on the exercise ?just a bit??
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What I learned, and this is the hardest of these four lessons, is that NO?I will never NOT be able to NOT be aware of my eating, my food habits, etc?For me, since I do have legitimate food issues that caused me to become obese, I will ALWAYS on some level, have to be aware of my red flags, my trigger foods, my trigger situations?This will be a lifetime commitment in the grandest way for me?For when I become TOO confident, I also become too lazy?I have seen too many really good friends lose a large amount of weight, only to slack off and regain it because of this same problem.
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I will not?CAN NOT allow that to happen to me?
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So from this moment on, I shall set about re-losing my pounds?I am disappointed and depressed but I will not wallow in it?
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I have vowed to stay 100% on plan for the next three days. And I know I will do this?Saturday, I have a pre-arranged belated Valentines mini-day trip with my husband. I will, in moderation, enjoy that day, OFF PLAN, but turn right back around on Sunday and get back on. This I will do because I have decided I will?
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Take care buddies and I will check in with you all later! OH!! Special thank you to TAMMY for joining me on this disasterous science experiment!!!
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~Dawn
‘OH”DON’T BE DOWN
You make a lot of people feel good about them selfs.You will get back on track.Ever once and a while it’s ok to run off track.As long as you get back on and remember what you are doing this for.This sounds crazy but for 1 week eat a smal apple before you eat.With a 8 oz glass of warter.With 2 table tea spoons of APPLE CIDER VINGAR in it.It is not too bad .DO this and you will be back on track.I lost 4lbs the first week.I know in time that will slow.And when it does.I will be doing the apple thing again.Keep your head up.You are to bright to be gray!
Dawn, I tried to not weigh myself for a week. I couldn’t do it! I needed to know what type of progress I was making, if any. I need the affair with the scale! I have slowed down on weighing every day. I wish you much luck on your continued journey of weightloss.
O.k. Dawn so you found out the scale is necessary.. I agree it is necessary for me too.. So you gained a couple of pound ( 2 of which were cheese apparently!
) You also learned a couple of valuable lessons along the way so I don’t think you are defeated.. I think you’ve learned and that is a good thing!! I’m glad to hear that you are committing yourself again and you’ll be looking back at the couple of gained pounds as a very small bump in the road very soon!! Thanks for sharing with all of us your lessons learned.. I know they helped me to think about my eating habits lately too!
Wow what a blog first of all…and don’t be so hard on yourself. We will all have our slips and falls, but the best thing is that you are getting up and dusting yourself off. Youv’e relized what the wrongs were and now you are making them right….keep it up. Enjoy your day trip with your husband, you deserve it!
I am so with you on cheese. I go to Whole Foods and dream. I try their samples a bit. But I don’t come home with any, I will just end up having cheese and crackers for meals, snacks, and pre-snacks. I go to Europe and I don’t want to eat in restaurants, I want to eat ‘picnic’ with lots of deli cheeses.
You have many other wonderful points in your post. Thanks again for sharing.
Good Morning Dawn
and Happy Valentines Day
So you learned some VERY valuable lessons and it looks like you are human.
You are so inspiring Dawn. We can all learn from you. Thank you for being so honest and sharing your experiences with us.
There’s no way you have been defeated. Not with your attitude.
You should be very proud of yourself - how well you have done and how much you help so many others.
Best of luck to you Dawn not that you’ll need luck with your determination.
Enjoy your Valentines trip on the weekend
~~~~Lori
Dawnie, I get you on so many levels on this one. I stopped weighing in and food journaling after I quit smoking because I kept seeing those pounds keep adding on and on and it was just too plain hard!! BUT like you, I can proudly say “LESSON LEARNED!!” Like you, it was hard to realize that without the food journaling and accountability, I would remain at the weight that led me here and then what was the point?!?!?! So great job on learning and now go kick some butt!!!
First off I hope you have a wonderful Valentine’s day even though you will be celebrating it later on - I will certainly take your advice to do something nice for myself today - even if it is very simple.
You are one of the most determined and inspiritational people I have come across in my life. You have such optimism and such an outlook on your future, that I am positive ‘07 is your year to shine. We will all have disappointments every now and then with weightloss, but that’s ok - we are not robots, we are not programmed, it takes a lot of work to make conscious decisions that are healthy. Do live a little - don’t stop buying cheese! I am serious - treat yourself to a cut - ask the people to cut a certain weight for you at the cheese shops and just have that - you can have that control, you have it with so much else in your life. I also wanted to say that two pounds is not gonna stop you from reaching your goal by the end of May (end of May you have right?). Pat yourself on the back!
Dawnie….those are such great lessons, and I can relate to every single one of them! You have a great way of spelling things out that are in my head….you mind-reader, you!
I am sorry that you fell off the wagon with the cheese this weekend, but I have to be honest…it makes me feel a little better to be reminded that we ALL have our ups & downs, and getting upset withourselves doesn’t accomplish much - we just have to learn from it & move forward!
Dawnie, don’t be too hard on yourself. I too am a scale person. I need it. I need it as a constant reminder. And I know you want to lose more, but don’t forget where you came from. The weight you started at and the weight you are is amazing. You know exactly what you needed to do to get to this point and so you just needed to remind yourself.. Just make a new start like you said and go with it. You know what you need to do.
I seriously do not think you were defeated. You have very obviously learned a great deal from what you went through, and I thank you for sharing it! You know how people who go to AA and no longer drink continue to call themselves alcholics? I took a lesson in that when I quit smoking two years ago and will continue to call myself a smoker for the rest of my life because I know that one cigarette is all it will take to cause me to start smoking again. I think that we have to view weightloss in the same way. Once an overeater, always an overeater. We’ve got to constantly be diligent over what we do, or we are likely to slip right back into the old habits.
I am glad for you that it only took a few pounds to make you realize it and that you’ve rededicated your life to this! You’ve been such an inspiration to all who know you, and I’ve no doubt you will contine to be.
Good God, can you feel the love in here or WHAT?? I think everyone that has commented here has made extremely valid points. I LOVE how you just fess up to everything, accept it as it is, plan a strategy, and move the hell on. No boo hooing, no poor poor me, just basically yeah, I ate cheese, gained a couple pounds, bada bing bada boom. You’re awesome Dawn — don’t EVER change! You make me think, you make me laugh, and you make me think about what I can do to be a better me. I hope you and your hubby have the best Valentine’s Day ever!
Peace Out….
Janis
We all slip and even fall. The main thing is you recognize what was wrong and you’re doing something about it.
Ok, as far as the cheese is concerned, there is some very good Cabot low-fat white cheddar! That might help you have your cheese in moderation. I used to be a cheese addict. Now it sits in the fridge and gets moldy!!! I just refuse to buy it, except low-fat or mozzarella(?).
Hang in there Dawnie, you are doing well, and your setback have served to remind you how much more important your goal than food. THere are a lot of us out here who read your blogs and are cheering you on. You are a great gorgous girl and you deserve to have a healthy body!
Oooooooooooooooh my God, you did it again Dawnie. If you were here I would hug you for a long, long time.
You are so right about everything. Thank you for sharing this with us. Your blog today has given me an extra umph and I need all the umph I can get—-THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!