Missing in Action…
Happy Friday Buddy Slimmers!
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I hope this blog finds you all doing exceptionally well?Yours truly is feeling pretty darn good today! WHEW!!! It?s been a while, I confess, so I am embracing this mood!
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Buddies, I have yet another confession to make?(Ha ha ha?Glad I don?t have to pay you guys for my therapy!)
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I feel like I am FINALLY starting to wake up from a dream?You see, I have recently discovered that I have kinda been ?missing in action? for many many months?Missing in action from my own life!! Not just my life, but my marriage and my many friendships?
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Why? Well, I don?t entirely know the answer to that yet?
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My theory, though, is that this weight loss REALLY shook me up this time?Why? Well, because this time I have been sooo successful?You see, I never really cared much for the 241 pound Dawn?When I see pictures of her, I think, ?Who IS she?? I don?t know her at all?Yet, I WAS her for 15 years!!!!
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So in some ways, I think that I kind of wanted to push her out of my memory?And in doing so, pushed away everyone ever associated with her?
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Instead, I kind of created a new world for myself, to accommodate the ?New Me? and I truly didn?t let many people in?It was my world?
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This was incredibly selfish and wrong of me. From my husband, my mother, my sister, on down to my three best friends?All of them have gotten VERY little of me in the last 5 months?These dear people who loved me at 241 and will love me at 145, they have suffered greatly at my selfishness?
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And for that, today I sit here truly truly sorry?
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I have already apologized to them, of course, and started the rebuilding process of my life?Starting with my husband who has stood by quite helplessly watching me change and pull away, and completely unable to get through to me?
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And while he isn?t ALWAYS unflawed himself, for the last six months, he has been a silent beacon, waiting, patiently for me to return to my life?He is the only man in my life who has ever loved me so unconditionally, and completely, and I literally skipped out on him months ago?
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I don?t know how or why it happened; I only know that it did?
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I will never be able to tell you all the ups and downs I have been on in the last few months, because there have been soooo many, and some days, it literally changed daily?As you travel your own road (Some of you already have) you will know what I mean?
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I am here to tell you, WEIGHT LOSS IS A STRUGGLE?Physically, and MENTALLY?I am still trying to find my footing, and will probably still struggle as I get closer to my goal?(35 more pounds! WOO HOO!) Then I will turn right back around and begin the struggle to maintain?It will be a lifelong battle for me?I wasn?t just fat, I was, AM still, Obese, and that is something so few people understand?
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So while I cant change the last 5 months, and in some cases, I don?t want too, because it was what it was, and was most likely a necessity of my life, I am trying to be better going forward. I can only grow and learn, and try to do better next time?
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New friends are GREAT, necessary even! But old friends, well, they are special?
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So while I wish you all MUCH success, please, please, learn from my mistake?This board is GREAT, you buddies are GREAT and we all need each other very much, but don?t let it take you away from life. Don?t forget to slow down and savor the journey. Its okay to look out the window at the passing scenery, but don?t forget to touch base with the folks in the car with you?
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~Dawnie
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PS!!! And to each and every one of you who commented on my last blog, and/or emailed me privately, I THANK YOU!!! I owe you all an apology (Thank you Mary for the very tough love) for even thinking about skipping out on you all?I need you guys EVERY bit as much as you may need me?So thank you for your patience with me?I have been a fairly crappy buddy lately to all of you, and I do apologize!!!!!
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Have a great weekend all! I vow to return on Monday a new and improved buddy to you all!
I just wanted to say you are doing so great~ And I am very proud of you~ I do have to agree this site is great~ Alot of great people on here~ I just hope to find my will power and strength to be here more for everyone
Dawn, you got sober from food. It’s exactly like someone recovering from any other addiction, people who really want to get well naturally start to pull away from those they were unhealthy with.
Not to say that those people were enabling you, or maybe they were, but when we go through major life changes we have to do it in our own way. I would venture a guess that while they missed you, they would rather miss a healthy happy Dawn for a few months, than have that time with someone who was miserable and disliking herself.
While I have yet to hit that hurdle here regarding weight loss, I can relate. I had a similar experience when I became a mother. There were a great many people that just didn’t get it, and I had to pull away until being a Mom was a part of my soul and not just a new chapter in my life. The ones who love you will not hold it against you, they will be happy for your success.
I have to tell you that I think you are doing a great job! I love your comparison pictures…you look awesome! Keep up the good work! I understand a little bit of what you are going through. I myself, have withdrawn myself from close friends and family before. You don’t realize you are doing it at first. You made the first steps in seeing it and working towards becoming YOU! That in itself is rewarding.
First off, I LOVE the new pic!!!
Second, I for one, will be here for you, through thick and thin, throughout your journey…whether you’re here every day or just a couple of times a week.
I know that I do have the advantage that I don’t work so I can spend time on here without neglecting the important people in my life, but I also understand the need to redistribute your time and attention. And I admire you for recognizing that need…some people don’t.
A lot of people have backed off a little from here…some have left completely. I’d rather hear from my friends, including you, only once or twice a week than not at all. You have a lot to offer us, and we all need each other, but I know family comes first so I’d never begrudge you that.
Just never give up on this journey. You’ve come way to far for that.
Ditto Mary … that is a beautiful pic.
Erika made some very valid points. I’ve lost huge amounts of weight before and done the same thing you’ve been doing. You are a recovering food addict and have distanced yourself not only from food but the people around you.
While your physical body changes it can take much longer for your brain to catch up. What I discovered was that on one hand, I liked the praise from my friends when my weightloss became so apparent it literally shocked them, but at the same time, it made me uncomfortable and I was fearful of failure. If I regained the weight would they think less of me and treat me differently? Even as they praised me I wondered was I not good enough as I was? I wasn’t used to praise and couldn’t handle it so it was easier to create a distance. Eventually it all came together and I resumed friendships. Ironically, once I’d reached and maintained my goal weight and people got used to seeing the new me, the praise stopped and I missed it. LOL … Life is funny eh
You’re doing fine Dawnie and you’re losing properly and for the right reasons. You’ll do this your way and the people who love you want you to succeed. They have been and will be there for you.
Dawnie, 1st of all I hope you really do feel okay about the MIA. Before clients have bariatric surgery they have to go through vigorous counseling to make sure that they are ready and can handle the life change it brings to be thin. This is for their physical and mental health. So, of course it may be hard for you to keep your relationships the same when you are becoming a different person. I know I spend a lot of time here on Buddyslim but I need it to keep me on target.
That unconditional love is very special and I’m sure they all understand especially since you realized what happened and are trying to make it right.
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Man I Don’t read blogs for a few days I miss out on a lot!!
I’m so happy that you found the connection between “fat” Dawn and the new, sexy Dawn. I am in the same place you are, I struggle with it. Its hard to look at old pictures and not be sad, and want to break all ties. But remember, that is you and those years you spent as the other Dawn is what formed you as a person.
I am so excited for you, and I know we BOTH will reach goal this year!!!
Your Buddy
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Good for you Dawnie for making that connection!! Good luck to you on this emotional part of the journey…it is not easy…..you have a way with words Dawnie. You put things I (and probably other buddies) feel so eloquent in YOUR blogs.
I’m glad to hear your feeling much better today. We all need time to reflect occasionally. And a break as well. Your doing great and I know you will continue to do great!
You are doing so awesome! You give so much! I am sure many of us are or will experience what you are experiencing! Your family is your first priority at this time!
Have a great day!
Love the new photo!
It is a huge struggle, if it were just a physical problem then I’m sure most of us would never be obese in the first place, well done to you for facing up to your demons. Good luck and keep it up.
