Dawn’s Weight Loss Journey

 

rn

UGH! #$%@##*&%@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rn

 

rn

Well, I will leave you guys to figure out that, but insert cursing like a sailor HERE!!!!! GOOD GREIF!!!

rn

 

rn

So this morning I do a mid week weigh in?I shouldn?t have. I know better, they RARELY go well?But I just had too?My impatience got the better of me once again!

rn

 

rn

Clearly, it did not go well?And my OCD has now completely taken control of my brain?It?s being held hostage even as we speak!!! Someone call the FEDS, I fear I need a negotiator!!!

rn

 

rn

So, it wasn?t bad, really, just NOT what I wanted to see?

rn

 

rn

So I hear Mary?s voice in my head??Now remember, if you are increasing your workouts this week, you may not see a loss??

rn

 

rn

And I know she is right?I mean HOW MANY TIMES have we had this conversation on here?!?!? NUMEROUS?The Scale is EVIL and not an accurate representation of our hard work?I KNOW THIS?So why has it messed with my head????

rn

 

rn

I have increased my workouts every night by at least 15 minutes, and in a few cases a ? hour?I have added a couple repetitions to all my weights?I have increased my resistance level and my incline level for both the elliptical and the treadmill?I am still drinking WATER instead of diet pop?I am doing everything right?I know this?

rn

 

rn

Last night, I was really looking hard at my body?I like it!!! For the first time in years and years, I TRULY like it! My husband who was walking behind me even commented on my hips!!! He noted that they were getting A LOT smaller?And he is right, they are! I KNOW THIS!!!

rn

 

rn

So why, oh why, do I even care what the damn scale says????

rn

 

rn

I truly think, for my own sanity, I need to stop weighing in for a couple weeks?I really do?I mean, my mind is in a fragile state on a good day, so when I have a day like this, man?Its almost unbearable!!!!

rn

 

rn

I know what I am doing. I know I am doing things right?And I really hate the thought of not weighing in, but to do so, and not see any results after a lot of effort, well, it messes with my head big time, and I simply cant handle that?

rn

 

rn

Sooo..I think I am going to NOT weigh in this week?Or next?Two week break from the scale is what I am aiming for?If all goes well, when I do weigh in again, I will be able to update my ticker big time?Maybe, I can even reach my mini goal of 175. I just don?t know?

rn

 

rn

UGH! Thanks for listening?I shall leave you with my theme song for the day:

rn

 

rn

?When everything is wrong, we move along
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through?

rn

 

rn

~ The All American Rejects

rn

 

 

rn

This one is short and sweet today my favorite little buddies…

rn

My boss gave me this article last night to read…While reading it to my husband over dinner last night, I started bawling like a baby…I know not why, except that the last line of the article REALLY hit home for me…

rn

Check out this article…Its incredibly inspiring, and helps put your own weight loss into perspective…

rn

http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/diet.fitness/01/25/matts.story/index.html

rn

Take care all-Dawnie

 

rn

Good morning lady bugs (and gentlemen bugs!)

rn

Its a very cold and snowy Monday here in Central Ohio…

rn

I dont have anything highly intellectual to blog about today, but thought I would at least come out and say hi to everyone!

rn

I had a nice weekend for sure…In an ongoing effort to get my life back on track, I took my husband on a date on Saturday!  I even drove and paid the tab! (Now, I ask you, is that not truly wonderful of me????) HAH!

rn

We went to dinner and a movie and we had truly a delightful time…

rn

See, unlike a lot of married folks I know, my husband and I are actually together all the time…At least it feels that way!

rn

We dont have kids, so there really isnt a lot of distractions for us…However, we recently discovered that although we were together all the time, there were many nights when we probably said less then 10 words to each other… This, my friends, is not real cool…

rn

So we are trying to reconnect to one another…Its too easy after 13 years together to just let things go…It really is…Marriage is a tricky tricky thing indeed!

rn

So this weekend we actually paid attention to each other, and well, it was rather nice I will say!!! Apparently, we still like each other! And thats a good thing!

rn

I did okay diet and food wise…For the first time in a long time, I didnt write in my food journal this weekend… I am not entirely proud of that, but its just difficult when eating out and we did some beer tasting…

rn

So for me to point accurately is kind of difficult…I did estimate in my head and I feel I was under calories both days, actually, and I worked out hard both days as well, so all and all,  I am really not sweating it…

rn

I am moving into the 170’s this week even if it KILLS me to do it! (Well, now, we cant have my death riding on it…I mean, what would you guys do without me???? )

rn

So thats about it for me today…Going to the gym every night this week for at least an hour…So that Friday’s weigh in will be stellar…Keep your fingers crossed for me!!!

rn

Take care all and I hope you all have a ROCKIN good week!

rn

Love-Dawnie

 

rn

Good Saturday morning Buddies-

rn

I kind of hadn’t planned on blogging today, but was inspired to do so, so I thought I would blog quickly before heading to the gym and then cleanning my condo…

rn

Lets face it…Blogging is funner then BOTH of those activities!

rn

So here’s a little story to share with you…

rn

It should come as no surprise to you all that I am kind of a myspace geek…I love it, and have been able to reconnect to several childhood friends due to the wonder of the world wide web…

rn

So last week, I get a big kick in the gut, when I was contacted by a very very old friend of mine Mark…

rn

Now Mark was one of those friends of mine who was kind of always around, yet somehow, always in the background…Does that make sense???

rn

He was actually the best friend, of MY best friend Derrick…

rn

Derrick was my first “male” best friend ever…I had known him for years through his sister Tracie…But when I was 19, somehow or other, I gave him a ride home from my girlfriends house, and we became inseperable for quite some time…Truly, he was my best friend and only my friend…We had some wicked good times together…

rn

Well, often, I was the only one in the group that not only drove, but had a car…So I had to always cart these folks around…So when Derrick and I would go out, Mark often tagged along too…

rn

Derrick was killed in a car wreck in October of 1996 at the age of 21,  and I havent seen Mark since then…

rn

Soooo…on to happier news…And the point of this rambling trip down memory lane…Mark and I reconnected last week…And how truly bizarre it was for me to see that this little boy has somehow become a man…How does that happen, really???

rn

We have emailed and chatted and what not, and truly, it has been delightful reconnecting…But the most amazing thing he said to me was “I love your pictures…You are absolutely beautiful, but then, I always thought you were, even way back when…”

rn

Now, I dont share that because I am on an ego trip…I share that with you because it gave me pause for reflection…

rn

So I was talking with my husband Steve this morning about the irony of that…

rn

I never noticed him “Way back when”…I never noticed a lot of boys back then, because I never thought I was all that cute, even back then…Even though I was…When I look at pictures of me back then, I feel incredibly stupid for not realizing my potential at that time…

rn

I think I mentioned in a previous blog once that I have FELT FAT for as long as I can remember, especially in high school…Never dated much, never had many boyfriends…You know the story…

rn

So to hear him say that after all these years, well, it just made me wonder…I wonder how many people we did affect, unknowingly back then…I wonder how many people looked at some of us, liking us, but not knowing what to say or how to say it…How many of US had crushes we were afraid to let anyone know of…

rn

Its kind of funny when you think about it…

rn

And kind of sad to think of all the missed opportunities we probably created because we were soooo hung up on what we THOUGHT we were…

rn

Anyway, it was rather interesting…

rn

And I am glad I took my trip down memory lane…But ever the one to look forward, I have decided there is no point in wallowing in what I didnt know back then…

rn

So I am going to try to carry that knowledge with me through the rest of my life and just pay a little more attention to the details that surround me…

rn

I have wasted soooooo many years being someone I am not. Being in a body that never seemed to “Fit”…I am soooo tired of wasting time…It is far to precious…

rn

So I am movin right along…I am gonna remember the past, because its important to do so, but I am going to look towards the future with renewed enthusiasm as to what it will bring…

rn

Take care buddies and have a wonderful weekend!

rn

Dawn

?I’d like to be under the sea
In an octopus’s garden in the shade
He’d let us in, knows where we’ve been
In his octopus’s garden in the shade

I’d ask my friends to come and see
An octopus’s garden with me
I’d like to be under the sea
In an octopus’s garden in the shade?

rn

 

rn

~The Beatles

rn

 

rn

HAPPY FRIDAY everyone!!! WOO HOO!!!!! We made it through another week, and well, that is certainly reason to celebrate, eh???

rn

 

rn

Yours truly is feeling absolutely WONDERFUL for the first time in a week?YAY!!! Sickness, I say to you, BE GONE!!!!!

rn

 

rn

I weighed in this morning and am STILL holding steady at 180?And I am excited about that?Why??? Well, let me tell you as I know you are ALL waiting on the edge of your seats!!!!!

rn

 

rn

My buddy Scott recently informed me that my recent weight loss doesn?t count!!!!! He did, I swear it! (Is that ever so mean, or what?!?!?)  

rn

 

rn

He said I could not officially count weight I lost while sick!!!! WHAT?!?! To that, I say, WHATEVER!!!! A loss is a loss?As long as I don?t gain it back, its official in my book?What the hell does he know anyway???? Mr. Self appointed guru of buddyslim!

rn

 

rn

So this morning I got on the scale and was most delighted to see I am still holding steady?I have been eating over the last two days, so my calories are back to normal! And I even made it back to the workout room last night! WOO HOO!!!

rn

 

rn

But the most important thing?TOM IS HERE!!!!! Yep, TOM is here, and that means I have PROBABLY actually lost more, but you know?When TOM comes, he brings all his damn luggage, and that makes for a cranky, bloated, water retentive Dawn?

rn

 

rn

Soooo. Scott?I hope by next Friday?s weigh in, I am down EVEN MORE (In the 170?s, perhaps????), and that you will then have to eat those words?Would you like a beer with that crow???? (A Coors Light perhaps???)

rn

 

rn

I hope you all have a lovely weekend! And I wish you all much happiness on your weigh in?s!!!!

rn

 

rn

I am now going to go play in the Octopus?s Garden!

rn

 

rn

Dawnie

rn

 

Buddies?Prepare to be dazzled?This is one irate chick sitting here typing?

rn

 

rn

Sooooo?I have been sick since Friday?Right? Right?On Sunday, I am feeling sooo bad that my husband takes me to Urgent Care. Great. Well, Mr. Doctor man spends less then five minutes with me, says I have Strep Throat and sends me on my way?Prescription in hand?The cost? 35 dollars for the co-pay?

rn

 

rn

So she takes her sad sick self to the local Kroger Pharmacy, and gets her 10 pills?The cost? 47 bucks!!! WITH INSURANCE!!! I about fell over at the pharmacy?But I realize it could be worse, so I take my sad sick self home and hope that its all gonna be better?

rn

 

rn

Soooo?Here I am today?I am now on day 6 of feeling bad?Not better, exactly the same!!! Not only that, but seriously, still cant eat?My mouth is soooo red, swollen, sore and sensitive that I can barely stand ANYTHING to touch it?I have probably consumed less then 500 calories per day, since Friday!!! UGH!!! I tried valiantly to eat a cheeseburger today at lunch because I wanted it sooooo bad?But it was disastrous?It HURT!!!

rn

 

rn

Okay?Sooo. I know this just isn?t ?Right??I don?t feel like this is Strep throat at ALL?I have never had a sore mouth and I NEVER have not been able to eat?So, I get in today to see my family doctor. Who I LOVE by the way?

rn

 

rn

She takes one look at my mouth and says ?You do not have Strep!!? WHAT?!?!?!? So why in the hell have I been taking these damn 47 dollar pills all week???? She did a culture to confirm, what I have is a VIRUS, no different then the common cold, that somehow manifested in my mouth and throat in the form of Ulcers!! UGH!!! Antibiotics do NOT help a virus at all?

rn

 

rn

Now at this point, my OCD kicks in?I am like WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??? Am I a freak? How did I get it? Why is it in my mouth?????? How do I get it out???? Am I going to die? Is everyone I came in contact with gonna die???

rn

 

rn

She laughs, and gently reassures me that NO, I am  not a freak, that she has seen 5 cases this winter! That is not exactly common, but its not unusual! I am NOT going to die, and it is transferred the same way a cold is, a cough, a sneeze, a handshake?And the worst news? There is absolutely nothing she can do for it?It has to run its course!!! GOOD GREIF!!!!

rn

 

rn

She did, however, prescribe a topical numbing ointment for my mouth?So with my 15 dollar co-pay for the office visit and the 10 dollar co-pay for the medicine, I am now out 107 dollars, a day and a half of work, visited TWO medical establishments, with TWO medical professionals, ONLY to be told that there is no help for me????

rn

 

rn

UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!

rn

 

rn

I am now going to go drown my sorrows and my ulcers in tapioca pudding? If you made it this far, GOD BLESS YOU and please go enjoy a steak in my honor or something!!!

Happy Tuesday buddyslimmers of the world!

rn

Yes, I am still contaminated with this nasty strep throat, but I am no longer contagious they say, so here I am at work…(Working hard, can you tell?)

rn

Still havent eaten since Friday…Its not that I dont want too, cause I DO I DO I DO!!! My stomach is growling so hard I think its eating its ownself!!!!

rn

Its that I CAN’T…For some reason, this strep isnt just in my throat, I have it in my mouth, and my mouth is swollen and red, and it hurts to touch it!!! YUCK!!! TMI????

rn

So…I have not exercises, journaled, or counted one freakin calorie since Friday…You know what…I am okay with it!  Once I shake this crud, I will shake up my workout routine!!!

rn

Okay…Onto my blog…

rn

I have today, a peaceful state of mind…Why? Because I have a sense, deep within my soul, that I am gonna be okay!!!

rn

Now…As I was updating my goals for Jo yeseterday on the forum, on of my goals for 2007 was to make myself “okay” in mind and spirit…Well…This isnt something that happens over night, so I really didnt think I had much to update her on…

rn

But today, as I reflect and ponder, I think I do! I think that I am gonna be okay!!!!  Well, lets face it…As okay as I will ever be anyway…And yes, that is up for debate! HAH!

rn

I am finding my footing again with life, and thats a GREAT feeling…

rn

Its a lot of work, but its also very much worth it…

rn

So today I am happy…Even sick and unable to eat, I am happy…Happy for myself…Happy for my husband and I…Happy for my friends…I think we are ALL gonna be okay…

rn

This is gonna be a great great year…

rn

In closing, I would like to send out a very special invitation to a young lady I have never met, but whom I would like to meet someday…She is the spouse of a good friend…She knows who she is…So I wont embarras her…But if you are reading this, please please come join us…We are all here to help you…And I certainly wish you much success on your weight loss journey… We wont bite, I promise!!!!

rn

Love you all-Dawn

rn

 

rn

 

rn

 

rn

 

Good morning Buddies…

rn

So I just heard on the news here that today is considered BLUE MONDAY…This is the day when a lot of folks feel down and depressed for no other reason then the winter, lack of sunlight, and the weather…

rn

I for one am CERTAINLY Blue today!

rn

I am home from work today with a severe case of Strep Throat…UGH!!!! What a crappy weekend this was…

rn

The one good point? (Yes, there is ALWAYS a silver lining!)

rn

I havent been able to eat since Friday, so I have lost three pounds…

rn

At this point, I will take it any way I can get it!

rn

So I will be around today, commenting on blogs, while I keep my contaminated self away from others!

rn

Hope you all have a NOT so blue Monday…

rn

Hugs and kisses (Non contaminated kind!)-

rn

Dawnie

Happy Sunday buddies! First I gotta tell you, I kind of feel crappy today…I think I have strep throat and actually, my husband is getting ready to take me to the Urgent Care in our area here in about a half hour…I am miserable…

rn

But I thought I would share this story with you…

rn

My older sister Michele, lives in Japan with her Military husband and my BEAUTIFUL niece Whitley…(Yes, I am probably biased)…

rn

My sister is actually one of my biggest cheerleaders and supporters, and has kind of been a trail blazer of sorts for me even thousands of miles away…

rn

See, like me, she has always fought the battle of the bulge…Unlike me, she has lost LARGE amounts of weight on at least 3 seperate occasions, but has always gained it back…

rn

Well, in August of 2005, she decided to try again, and in one year, she lost 95 pounds…The RIGHT way…By exercising and changing her eating habits…

rn

I was sooooo proud of her I couldnt even stand it…Couldnt beleive the before and after pics of her…Now she has been maintaining for about 6 months…

rn

Well, due to her distance and the time difference (They are 14 hours ahead of us) I dont get to talk to her nearly as much as I would like to…

rn

So I finally talk to her last night after a month of not talking to her…

rn

Boy, was I stunned..

rn

Apparently, she did NOT call me for a month, because she was embarrased…She had gained about 7 holiday pounds already, when the doctor put her on some new medications…These new medications, apparently, made her gain some serious weight in just 3-4 weeks, and her total regain was 22 pounds!!

rn

She was sooo depressed and humilated that she withdrew from the family and kept it to herself because she thought we would laugh at her…

rn

WHAT?! First, I told her that was absolutely ridiculous. Its not like she ATE her way up 22 pounds. Not only that, but now that she is OFF the medication, I have no doubt she will get the weight off again in 2-3 months…

rn

I guess my point in this story is two fold…First, I have admired her from a distance for sooo long, that I often forget it is just as much a struggle for her as it is for me…See, she made it look sooooo easy, that I truly, in my brain, thought it was no big deal to her…Boy, was I wrong…You never ever truly know until you walk in anothers footsteps, for sure!!!

rn

Second, I guess it hit home to me that now matter when, why or how we reach our goal weight, our battle is NEVER going to be over…We are always, ALL OF US, one step away from going BACK to where we came from…

rn

And I guess, thirdly, sometimes, if someone is too sad, or afraid to reach out for help, sometimes, we ahve to be able to see beyond the happy picture to see whats going on inside, and leave OUR comfort zone to reach out to them!! I should have done this for my sister, and I am very sorry I didnt see her pain…

rn

So this one is for my sister who I LOVE…I MISS HER SOOO MUCH (Havent seen her in THREE YEARS!!) and who I am soooo very excited to see when they finally come home for good this June…I am sooooo proud of you Michele for being such a great role model to your little sis…

rn

Take care all!

Happy Friday Buddy Slimmers!

rn

 

rn

I hope this blog finds you all doing exceptionally well?Yours truly is feeling pretty darn good today! WHEW!!! It?s been a while, I confess, so I am embracing this mood!

rn

 

rn

Buddies, I have yet another confession to make?(Ha ha ha?Glad I don?t have to pay you guys for my therapy!)

rn

 

rn

I feel like I am FINALLY starting to wake up from a dream?You see, I have recently discovered that I have kinda been ?missing in action? for many many months?Missing in action from my own life!! Not just my life, but my marriage and my many friendships?

rn

 

rn

Why? Well, I don?t entirely know the answer to that yet?

rn

 

rn

My theory, though, is that this weight loss REALLY shook me up this time?Why? Well, because this time I have been sooo successful?You see, I never really cared much for the 241 pound Dawn?When I see pictures of her, I think, ?Who IS she?? I don?t know her at all?Yet, I WAS her for 15 years!!!!

rn

 

rn

So in some ways, I think that I kind of wanted to push her out of my memory?And in doing so, pushed away everyone ever associated with her?

rn

 

rn

Instead, I kind of created a new world for myself, to accommodate the ?New Me? and I truly didn?t let many people in?It was my world?

rn

 

rn

This was incredibly selfish and wrong of me. From my husband, my mother, my sister, on down to my three best friends?All of them have gotten VERY little of me in the last 5 months?These dear people who loved me at 241 and will love me at 145, they have suffered greatly at my selfishness?

rn

 

rn

And for that, today I sit here truly truly sorry?

rn

 

rn

I have already apologized to them, of course, and started the rebuilding process of my life?Starting with my husband who has stood by quite helplessly watching me change and pull away, and completely unable to get through to me?

rn

 

rn

And while he isn?t ALWAYS unflawed himself, for the last six months, he has been a silent beacon, waiting, patiently for me to return to my life?He is the only man in my life who has ever loved me so unconditionally, and completely, and I literally skipped out on him months ago?

rn

I don?t know how or why it happened; I only know that it did?

rn

I will never be able to tell you all the ups and downs I have been on in the last few months, because there have been soooo many, and some days, it literally changed daily?As you travel your own road (Some of you already have) you will know what I mean?

rn

I am here to tell you, WEIGHT LOSS IS A STRUGGLE?Physically, and MENTALLY?I am still trying to find my footing, and will probably still struggle as I get closer to my goal?(35 more pounds! WOO HOO!) Then I will turn right back around and begin the struggle to maintain?It will be a lifelong battle for me?I wasn?t just fat, I was, AM still, Obese, and that is something so few people understand?

rn

So while I cant change the last 5 months, and in some cases, I don?t want too, because it was what it was, and was most likely a necessity of my life, I am trying to be better going forward. I can only grow and learn, and try to do better next time?

rn

New friends are GREAT, necessary even! But old friends, well, they are special?

rn

So while I wish you all MUCH success, please, please, learn from my mistake?This board is GREAT, you buddies are GREAT and we all need each other very much, but don?t let it take you away from life. Don?t forget to slow down and savor the journey. Its okay to look out the window at the passing scenery, but don?t forget to touch base with the folks in the car with you?

rn

~Dawnie

rn

PS!!! And to each and every one of you who commented on my last blog, and/or emailed me privately, I THANK YOU!!! I owe you all an apology (Thank you Mary for the very tough love) for even thinking about skipping out on you all?I need you guys EVERY bit as much as you may need me?So thank you for your patience with me?I have been a fairly crappy buddy lately to all of you, and I do apologize!!!!!

rn

Have a great weekend all! I vow to return on Monday a new and improved buddy to you all!