Dawn’s Weight Loss Journey

So here we are?We have made it to the final day of 2006! I suppose for that we should all be grateful?

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If you made it through in one piece, relatively healthy, with your spouse and children healthy and intact as well, then I guess you can?t complain, huh?

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I was recently asked on some questionnaire, ?Where do you see yourself in 2007?? Huh???  I mean, who knows this, really?

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If you had asked me last January how 2006 would have gone down, I could not have predicted over HALF of the events that have occurred in my life this year?(there have been some whoppers this year!)

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As a matter of fact the only goal I did have last year was continued weight loss?Mark it off the list. Mission accomplished!

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I also recently had another well meaning individual, my mother of all people, say to me ?Now Dawn, you aren?t going to give me any bad news in 2007, are you??? Again?HUH???

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I looked at her as if she had grown a horn! Well, I can?t make that promise to anyone?First, bad news to one, may be good news to another?Second, who can predict bad news?? I realize I am bright and all, but come on! Even I have my limits! HAH?

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Then a third individual, my spouse, recently says to me as part of a long, repeated, and heated discussion about my choices of late, that ?Your family and friends just want to make sure you aren?t making a huge mistake!??Okay?This one made me scratch my head and I told him so?

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I don?t know about you guys, but I very rarely INTENTIONALLY make a mistake?In most cases, people only realize it?s a mistake AFTER the point, otherwise, we would not make them, correct?

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I think life presents choices to you daily, and you make the best decisions you can with the info you are given, and if it?s a mistake later, so be it! Own up to it and move on?But I am a firm believer that most things work themselves out?So even if you think, or others think it is a mistake, it may just set into motion events you could have never predicted?

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Again, my faithful little readers?My favorite buddies, you are most likely asking WHY OH WHY does she blog about this today??? And of course, she has an answer ready?

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I can not tell a lie (well, rarely!) 2006 was a most chaotic year for me?Lots of life changes that kind of knocked the wind out of me on more then one occasion?So I have been patiently, since about October, waiting for the year to be over. I know, its sad but true?Who ever wishes for time to fly?!? Your?s truly?

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So as I do sit here and reflect on MY roadmap or goals for 2007 (Thanks Kari and Jo!) Here are three things I know for sure that will happen?Nothing short of death will prevent these from occurring?

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  I will reach my weight loss goal this year.

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 I will find a job that interests me and provides a passion for me. 

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 I will first and foremost, take care of myself this year and make myself ?right?. 

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So buddies. There you go?All on the table for the world to see?This is what 2007 holds for me ?

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A life lesson that the death of my dad three years ago taught me?

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Life is too short to spend one single minute of it not content, or striving for contentment?Because when your number is up, its up?And only you will stand in front of whichever maker you believe in?And when mine asks me for all my regrets in life, well?I want there to be as little as possible?

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I want to look him (or her) in the eye and say ?You know what? You failed to provide me with instructions, but I did the best I could, and I stand behind every decision I made, And for every so called mistake I made, I made three other GOOD decisions that made up for that, so move on over and let me in!?

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May you all have a powerful new year!

Hah hah hah…

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Now we can start a whole chain of blogs! Okay. I read Cindy’s blog first, then Michele’s, and I felt absolutely compelled to write this blog…(I know, I just cant keep my own mouth shut!)

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I wrote this on Cindy’s blog, but one night this week I was flipping through the channels and I came across Larry King Live and he had Oprah and all her “Friends”…Bob Greene was one of them…

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Now, this was significant to me, as I am on the cusp of making some really tough life decisions, and I litterally was just flipping through, when Larry asked Bob why its so hard for people to lose weight. Bob’s answer: FEAR…

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Fear of what others will think of us when we are thinner, fear of who we will become, etc…Then Oprah chimmed in that for any one with a significant amount of weight to lose, its very scary because ALMOST always, it means that something else significant in your life must change…Relationship, job, etc…She is absolutely right…

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Now. That statement jumped right out at me, and then after reading the blogs today of my fellow buddy slimmers, I realize that at some point on this journey, we are all going to have to deal with that…The fear, the toxic, sabatoging realtionships, the new found confidence, etc…

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Now for me personally, I have had a revelation of sorts in the last week or so about some of the relationships in my life…My weight loss has made some grow stronger, and some grow farther apart, and I have spent many many hours trying to figure out why…Was it me? Was it them? Am I sooo incredibly different now that I am a few pounds lighter?? Am I a new person now, or has this person always been here??? I really dont know the answers yet…

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But,  when I heard Bob say that, it hit me…FEAR…I think some of my friends and family are so afraid of what MY weight loss is going to do to them, or their perception of me, that they unintentionally have sabatoged me, or treated me differently…They arent so concerned about me or my battles, as much as how my changes will affect them…

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Now, I have no doubt that they love me and care about me, but I think now is the time when you really must find out who truly loves you and wants you to succeed, and who is holding you back from that success…And as hard as it might be, and it will be, you must cut the later group out…It is the only way…

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I sure hope that at the end of my journey I am surrounded by my friends and family who loved me when I was 241 pounds, as well as a few new friends I have met a long the way…But the bottom line is, you can not lose a large amount of weight, and not have changed in some way…

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I mean, come on…Look at the guy who won the biggest loser! That guy lost over 200 pounds! That is two small people…He can not be teh same person he was…He shouldnt have to be…And I think thats just hard for people to deal with…ESPECIALLY if they have never had a weight problem. They dont understand the mental journey that goes along with the physical one…

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So I guess I just really wanted to say, Cindy, Michele, and some others out there…You are not alone…I am right there with you as are many of us…Letting go of relationships is never easy, but you have to weigh what they bring to you, and what they take from you, and if the take outweighs the give, it might just be time to go find some new friends…

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Good luck everyone and have a safe and happy new year!

So I just read Jo’s blog and after first blushing to high heaven, I reflected and felt very very humbled by her kind words (Thank you Jo!)

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I am now inspired, of course, to write my own blog…

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You see, I am often asked on this site, directly in private emails, “How did you do it?” and my answer is always the same…

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I feel like I have been an open book so to speak about my methods. But in case there is any doubt, I count calories, I exercise 5-6 days per week, and I keep a food journal…

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When I write it out like that, it all seems incredibly simple…I have heard back from individuals on this site every response imaginable…From simple “Thank yous” to “Oh, I could never do that…Its too hard and I dont want to deny myself”…

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Well, let me tell ya…Here is some tough love folks…

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To be successful at all on this journey, something in your life must change…You can not do everything the same as you are currently doing it or the results will be no different then what you currently have…

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Somethings gotta give…So if you take away nothing else from this blog, take this: You are going to have to deny yourself certain things…Whether it be food, toxic friendships/relationships, or even time in the form of exercise…Something MUST be sacraficed…

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Now…Some of you may at this precise moment be saying…”Well, I cant do that. I am not willing to do that”. And that is PERFECTLY fine…That means you probably arent ready to start your journey…

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Trust me. I was there many many times…I understand that…I also know without a doubt, you will not be successful until you are ready to do that…

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But for those of you who have already reached that point, I need you to know that those sacrafices are somewhat temporary!!! Losing weight does not mean you can never have a cheeseburger and fries again!!! It means you have it once a month maybe as opposed to once a week!!! Changes, folks, sacrafices…They must be made…

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Why am I blogging about this today? It’s Jo’s fault…And I might as well throw Shari and Nikki into the mix as well…

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These three individuals have touched me on a personal level. They are all struggling right now and have reached out to me, and I to them…The amazing thing is they are all at entirely different points in their journey, yet the underlying theme is the same…

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Self love vs. FOOD FOOD FOOD and your relationship to it…

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Remember, the comfort that food brings is ALWAYS ALWAYS temporary…The joy of looking in the mirror and loving yourself inside and out and from head to toe, that is permanent…

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I read Jo’s blog today (all week really) and  I find as my journey winds down a bit, and I feel in my heart I am heading to the finish line of at least this race (Have no doubt folks, I will immediately turn around and begin the next race!) I know that part of the reason I found this site, and started this journey is to help others…Yes, I beleive my mission is to help others acheive their goals…So hearing Jo’s very kind words, I was struck again by how clearly some of lifes messages come through!

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Yes. It has taken me three long years to get here. I have fallen off the wagon many times…Some times I lept off myself fully aware of my actions, sometimes I fell off accidentally, and sometimes I was pushed off by life…

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BUT I ALWAYS GOT BACK ON and I always knew that I absolutely WOULD do this…There was no doubt in my mind ever that I wouldnt finish this journey. EVENTUALLY…

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I also knew, thanks to my very first WW Leader that I would go at my own pace…I kinda knew from the start that it would take me a while…It had too, if I were to make permanent changes…It took here 4 years to lose 100 pounds…So I kind of knew I would be one of those people!

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In closing, I guess I just want to say that old adage, “If I can do it, you can do it!” I never ever even attempted to lose weight before January of 2004…NEVER thought I could…YEt each milestone…My first 10 pounds. My first 10%, my first new jean size, breaking through to the 100’s, each one of those little little milestones showed me that YES. I can do this. As well as anything else I set my mind too…

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So good luck to you all. Thank you Jo for your words, Thank you ALL Of you for being in my life, and LETS GET THIS DONE!!! ALL OF US!!

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Lets make 2007 OUR year!

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Love Dawn

 

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A giant sigh of releif!!!!

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It is Christmas night…Just got home from my last social obligation…YAY!!!

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Okay, so thats kind of a lie, cause as I typed it, I realized I have to go to my Aunts house next Saturday for a belated holiday gathering and then there is New Years, of course, but anyway…

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The worst is over in my oppinion!

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If I never see another cake, cookie or piece of pie, I shall be ecstatic! UGH…This week and weekend, foodwise, was off the scale…But I am not dwelling on it…I am moving on…

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All and all, it was a nice holiday, spent a lot of time with family that I hadnt seen for a while…My step sister and step brother hadnt seen me since June (I know, terrible! And they only live 45 minutes away!) and they made quite the fuss about my weight loss…So that was cool…

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You may notice my new pic…Thats my new man, THEO…Actually, he is my doggy nephew…I adore him! The only man I love who doesnt talk back to me! HAH!

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So I have done a lot of reflecting this weekend on 2006 and what I want from 2007…

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And I came up with this…

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I will reach my goal at all cost in 2007…May, to be precise…May 13th, 2007 to be exact…Why then? That will be my 35th birthday (Please mark your calendars, as I do accept cash, check or charge!)

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You see, on January 14th, I will have officially been on my journey for 3 years…

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3 YEARS PEOPLE!!! That is a darn long time…

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But in the last 5 months, I have lost just as much weight as it took me 2 1/2 years to do the first time…Why?

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Because of you guys…

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It wasnt until August that I reached out for help on my journey and found my first ever weight loss buddy…I didnt even know they existed…But since then, my life has simply not been the same…For the better, of course!

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Then in September I found this site…And it has done wonders…I cant even begin to tell you how much certain buddies have touched my life on this board…

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When I started 2006, the only goal I had for myself was to be a size 14 by my friend Adam’s wedding…Well, that wedding came and went and I was a size 14. So that is good…I am proud of that for sure…

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But time for new goals for 07!

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So with that in mind, I had a talk with my DH tonight, and let him know that the next 4 1/2 months are gonna be stressful, as I have decided to put myself and my weight loss at the very front of the line…

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I will reach my goal by my 35th birthday. And to do that, I must put myself first…Which means increased time on these boards if I need it…Increased time at the work out room if I need it…Declining dinner invitations if I need too…Etc…

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Remarkably, he understood this…Thank God…Now hopefully the rest of my friends and family will too…

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So I am heading into 2007 with re-newed energy and re-newed commitment to myself…Because December has been tough…I have had very little loss in December due to the holidays and social gatherings…But NO MORE…

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Starting right now, I am plowing through to the finish line…

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I hope you all have a most successful 2007!!!

 

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In a word. UGH!!!

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In two words, GOOD GRIEF!!!

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In three words, WHAT THE HECK????

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Okay?So the good news is today is my OFFICIAL anniversary with BuddySlim?I have been on here THREE months to the date?WOO HOO!!

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Happy Anniversary to me!

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Truly?It doesn?t feel like it?s been that long!

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The bad news is like most of you (From what I have read) I have struggled BIG time this week?Not sure why, but I have been super hungry all week?

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I am blaming it on the holidays and on my dog?Just because I blame everything on my dog Annabell, and well, it wouldn?t be right to stop now!

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I do not anticipate a loss this week?And will be happy if I stay the same. I HAVE continued to exercise, but the eating?Man?Its been tough?I am not even a big sweet eater, but I do confess to eating more then one spoonful of cookie dough as I was baking last night?

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Man?

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On thinking it over though, tonight, I really don?t feel THAT bad?Well, kinda, but not TOO bad?I mean, this is the worst week I have had in a long long time?And in talking to you guys and my buddy Scott, I know that others are in the same boat this week?So at least I am not alone, right??? For the first time in a long time, I am surrounded by folks who get it?That?s kinda cool?

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Anyway?I am weighing in tomorrow, but I expect (And deserve) the worst?But that?s okay?I just want to make it through the weekend?Get these holidays over, and get back on track?

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And on the BRIGHT side (Yes, she ALWAYS tries to point that out!) At this time last year I had gained over 10 holiday pounds?And that did NOT happen this year, so I am good with that!

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I may be up a pound according to today?s mini weigh in?And that?s MUCH better then 10!!!!

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I hope you all have a TRULY wonderful holiday, no matter which one it is you are celebrating, or who with, or where?

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Dawn

 

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Ahhh. So I had yet another epiphany today?Yesterday, actually, but whose counting???

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Now, my husband will tell you that I use this word rather loosely?Maybe he is right, but here is what the meaning of the word is?

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e?piph?a?ny

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A sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely or commonplace occurance or experience.

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Ms. Jo said something very similar last week…

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Now. With that said, I do believe I have had another epiphany. I have them frequently these days as I travel the road that is my life journey?

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To not have them, means I am not learning or experiencing, and well, that?s just not the life for me friends?I like to keep moving forward?Sometimes I do veer sideways, but I normally find my way back to the trail eventually!

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So what was her epiphany??? Relationships?

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Relationships in ALL forms?Whether it be a spouse, a friendship, or a family member?

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It occurred to me, as I was recently trying to explain the importance of one of my relationships to someone who did not quite understand, that no matter how hard I try, I will never ever be able to convey that importance to them?Because it does not directly involve them?

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Because whether it be a spouse, a lover, a best friend or a family member, NO one besides the two very people involved understand the full depth of the relationship?Or all that has gone into it or will go into it.

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And with that realization came some growth and in a small sense, peace?

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I can remember early in my marriage, venting to my older sister about something my spouse did?Her immediate reaction was ?Well, he is an ass and I would NEVER allow that to happen in my home, and blah blah blah?? I was absolutely shocked! My sister LOVED my husband?To hear her turn on him in a heartbeat was unconceivable to me?I didn?t want that. I wanted a safe haven to vent, and then go back and work on things with my spouse?

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I learned a hard lesson that day?One I have tried very hard to hold to for my entire life?Watch what you say and to whom because people form immediate judgments about the situation that they really know little about?And even well meaning-ly, they butt in where they really don?t belong?

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So with that, today, as I reflect about a few very important people in my life currently?My spouse, my youngest sister, my best friend (And yes, that is just a sampling of the important folks in my life, there are certainly many many others!)

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These people who mean so much to me individually!  I often want to cross match them and share them with each other, because they all share in a part of me?And they all bring me such joy, individually, that I sometimes struggle with how to juggle them all together?

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But I have realized that its really not possible to juggle them around?To a degree, maybe?But they will never be able to share in what I have with the individual?My sister will never be able to see my husband as I do?My husband will never be able to see my best friend the way I do, heck, even my two sisters may not be able to see each other as I see them, and so on and so on?

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Knowing this finally made a light bulb go off in my head, because for months I have been trying to care for, analyze, and defend each one of these relationships to the other?And in some cases, the outside world?And I simply cant?I was trying to do the impossible?

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So I have decided to just sit back for once and enjoy my journey with each of these people. No matter where that journey takes me or how long it lasts.  I will love each of these people individually and completely?I will enjoy the gifts that they bring to my life, and be grateful that I am surrounded by such wonderful wonderful people who not only love me, but seem to like me as well?

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In turn, I will be happier, more well rounded, and more easy to deal with, to which ALL of the loved ones in my life will then reap the benefits of?

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Thanks for stopping by and may your day, your week, your life be filled with many many epiphanies!!!

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~Dawn~

Hello buddies! Hope you all had a great weekend. Mine was fairly busy, but I live to tell about it, so thats good, eh?

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Two holiday parties on Friday. I used portion control and did the best I could. We will see on Friday’s weigh in if I was successful…

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Saturday I went to the hockey game with my sister and her family…Sadly, we lost, but I had fun anyway. Got to see a hockey fight, and well, thats always cool!

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After the game I went out with my sister and my best friend and we had a really good time…We went to a dance club that was definitely a YOUNGER crowd and I truly got much amusement from the people watching I did!

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Have you guys been to a womens restroom lately in a club?!?! FUNNY Stuff goes on in there, let me tell you…

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I couldnt tell you all the half naked, drunk, young 20-somethings I observed saying and doing really funny stuff…What a hoot!

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And the CLOTHES!!!! Man…Was I wayyyyyyyyy underdressed in my super cute Hockey Jersey…Apparently half nude is in, and ummm, sport jerseys are OUT!!!

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I didnt make it home till about 4 a.m., so I guess I had a good time regardless! Hah hah hah…

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Sunday, hung out with the family and went and saw Charlottes Web. Cute. Not as good as the original, but a good flick for sure!

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I worked out hard on both Saturday and Sunday and have commited to an HOUR workout every night this week in preperation for the HOLIDAY WEEKEND…I am certain I can do this, and HOPEFULY get a loss in by Friday’s weigh in…

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UGH!! Cant believe Christmas is almost here…

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I have been reading your blogs, all of you…I just dont always have time to comment…But I will get there…Promise!

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Take care buddies…Here’s to a happy, healthy, holiday week for you all!

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Love-Dawnie

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Good morning Buddies…

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Its insanely early here in Ohio…4:30 a.m. Friday Morning to be precise! EGADS!!!  What am I doing up?!?!?!

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Well, it’s weigh in day for me…And I am down another pound…

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Now…Dont get me wrong. I am VERY grateful for that pound. ESPECIALLY this week… I mean, I had a four day weekend in Chicago with more food then I had ever seen in my life! And the whole weekend, while being concious of what I ate, I did not really stay on plan…I kind of just ate what I wanted…

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So, after all that, a pound is good news, right???

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So why am I so bummed????

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I read Kari’s blog, and I think I am in the same boat…I have definitely lost my will to exercise this week! Now,  I have still done it, albeit, half heartedly…

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Part of it, I know, is because I took four days off during Chicago. I mean, we walked, but I didnt hit the gym, and the gym is what I need to feel really good about myself…

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And now we are home and the busy holiday week is upon us, and due to social engagements, I didnt work out last night and wont get to tonight…And well…It kind of sucks…

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I have buddies losing 2-3-4 pounds a week!!!!

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I WANT THAT TOO!!!!!!

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I mean, these one pound weeks are REALLY bringing me down today…

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And I know some of you are saying, GOSH, shut up already! A pound is a pound…And I do know this buddies…And a loss is a loss…I just want more today!!!

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And I know I have no one to blame but myself…

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I know the work out is my key…My food has been on target for MONTHS now, and is really quite under control…But its time to increase my workouts from a half hour per night to a full hour…I know this…

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Its just hard. I hate carving out that time and taking that time away from my family, my home chores, my friends…

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The problem is, I used to walk at my lunch hour, in addition to my half hour work out at night…So all and all, I got an hour and 15 minute workout in per day…It was a great system!!!!

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Well…Now that winter and the holiday season, has arrived, the walks have slowed…Well, if I am to be honest, they have basically stopped…Too many other things going on…

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Soooo. I know I need to tack on an extra half hour at night…But when you dont get home MOST nights until a quarter to six, you make/eat dinner, do any house “chores” and then work out. Your night is basically gone…And it sucks!!!!

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Okay. I guess I am done whinning now…Thanks for listening buddies…

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I have a rather busy weekend ahead…I have a work holiday party today…Another Holiday party tonight with friends, tomorrow I have a busy day with visiting an old friend, and a Hockey game tomorrow night…

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And on Sunday the DH is taking me to see CHARLOTTES WEB!!!!! I am most excited about that. Its getting good reviews. My absolute FAVORITE childrens book, and one of my all time favorite childrens movies…So I am anxious to see the remake…

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But, I have commited to going to the gym for an hour both Saturday and Sunday prior to heading out each day, and, even though next week is countdown to Christmas, I have promised myself an hour workout EACH night…

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We will see if she can keep her promise to herself!

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Take care buddies! ~Dawnie

 

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Okay. So I am going to try to write this blog without having it sound like I am completely obsessed with myself?I am not, by any means?Just pondering something lately?

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You all have Scott to thank for this blog by the way?

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So, I have noticed a strange trend?In the last few months, I have gotten NUMEROUS compliments on my eyes?

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Now?That?s cool. I like my eyes. One of the few features on myself I do like!! They are okay by me.

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And throughout my life, I have gotten compliments on them from time to time, but here lately, complete strangers will say things to me?Women will tell me?My co-workers have said things?Its really starting to freak me out a bit?Seriously, its becoming a weekly event, and frankly, its just weird!!

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So in pondering this, I wondered aloud last week to the husband, ?Could losing weight have affected my eyes??

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I mean, did they change shape? Color? Clarity? Is it confidence reflected there now? Is it that they stick out more now that they aren?t swallowed up by fat???

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Well, the husband didn?t really have an answer for me?And that?s okay. So today I asked my buddy Scott why he thought it was?

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And as always, blunt and straight to the point, he essentially tells me its PROBABLY because I was fat, and people don?t like to look at fat people?Now, those weren?t his exact words, but that was the gist?

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And man, that?s something to ponder?How many times have we missed a really nice feature of someone or someone missed them on us, because they were side tracked by the fat?

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In his words, it is sad, but true?And we are probably all guilty of it to a degree, I suppose?

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Sooooo?Anwyay?

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Thank you Scott for your honesty?

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Maybe I should stop pondering WHY I am getting compliments, and just embrace the fact that I am?Geesh?I can be sooo ungrateful?

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So, my buddies, I hope you all have that day, maybe you already have, when people start noticing some of your better features because they are no longer hidden by the fat, or your fears?

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Take care all?

Well, the funny thing is, I read Jo’s blog, and then Mary’s blog, who referenced Jo’s blog, and it struck me how we are all kind of on the same wave length once again…

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Which is what is so truly amazing about this website…

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Chances are good, at any given time, that at least ONE person out here understands what you are going through! And if your really lucky, several folks do!

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GOD BLESS BUDDY SLIM!!

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So anyway, on my long car trip to and from Chicago, I of course, read several Magazines…

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In the current issue of Weight Wachers magazine, there is an article in the back written by a young lady (Her name escapes me) who has been writting about her journey on the CORE plan for the last year.

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It is by far one of the best articles I have read in a LONG time. She talks all about how she had to learn to SLOW DOWN…

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Immediate gratification is NOT going to make you successful on this weight loss journey…SLOW AND STEADY wins the race…

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I read this article out loud to my DH as we were driving because it literally spoke right to my heart and my head…

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Because I get sooooooooooo impatient for my end to get here…WHY??? Why can I not simply enjoy all the effort I have put in to date, and enjoy my success so far???

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I dont know…

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But in last part of the article, she basically says that she still has bad days…And that its OKAY…

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If she succeeds even just 50 percent of the time while making her daily choices, she is still better off then she was last year…

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And seriously buddies, I almost started crying when I read that line…

rn

Because just being here, on this site, and active, means we WANT to change, and thats the first step.

rn

And I dont know about you guys, but I am my own worst, and harshest critic…I am sooooo hard on myself its ridiculous…

rn

So I am going to try to adopt that theory.

rn

If I have success 50% of the time, I am still a success…

rn

Because I am no longer sitting at home, stuffing my face, and watching the world go by…

rn

~Dawn