Fear and Cheese…
Well, I probably should think my thoughts through a bit before I start typing away, but for some reason, I really felt the urge to put these thoughts down tonight, so here goes…
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My boss gave me a book to read today…Its a famous book, and many of you have probably heard of it, or even read it…Its about how to deal with change…And its called “Who moved my cheese?”…
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Well, I read the book in under 20 minutes, and overall, the book was a bit silly. I mean, the basic principle of the book is one I really already know…But a couple of things definitely jumped out at me…This line in particular did:
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“What would you do if you werent afraid?”
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Well, I am sad to say, being the OCD personality that I am…I started focusing on that question…And I started making a mental list of all the things I would do if I werent afraid. Afraid of failure, afraid of rejection, afraid of success, afraid, afraid, afraid…
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The list was pretty long…
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This made me sad, because I like to consider myself fairly open to change and new experiences…And I thought I conquered my fears fairly well in life…
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So to counter that list, I made another! (OCD!!!) 
I made a list of all the things I have done in the last 2-3 years that I would NEVER have done before…The things that I tried even though I was afraid…And there were some big ones on there…
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- Changed jobs after 7 years with the same safe company. rn
- Started losing weight after 14 years of hiding behind it… rn
- Started doing 5 and 10k’s even though I have never been an atheletic person rn
- Cut free of some “Toxic” relationships. rn
- Reached out and found some new friendships
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Etc…Etc…Etc…
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And this list grew a bit too…But not enough to ease my mind…Dont get me wrong, I am very proud of these changes, and stand behind every decision I made and fear I conqured…But its not enough for me because the things I am NOT doing due to fear still far outweigh the things I have done…
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So here I am typing out here in cyber world to a group of strangers and sharing with them my OCD thoughts….It has all put me out of sorts tonight…
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Because life is too short to let fears hold us back…I dont know when my number is going to be called, and when it is, I want to look ahead with absolutely no regrets about the life I lived…
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So I have decided in the next few months, I am going to start tackling the fears on my first list…I dont know how yet or how long it will take. It will definitely be a work in progress. And I have no doubt that this is definitely the start of more and more life changes for me, that I have realized encompasses much much more then just weight loss…And that in itself is yet another fear!
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Because often, when you embrace change, and start facing your fears one by one, you end up maybe having to leave the world of comfort that you have built. You might have to leave friendships, relationships, jobs, etc…And thats tough tough tough…
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And some people in your safe zone simply wont understand and wont be ready to move forward or change with you due to their own fears… So there will be some tough choices ahead for me, I think…
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And probably for some of those I love too, I guess…They will have to decide if they want to stay with me through my journey or do they want to stay behind where its safe?
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But their journey is their own, and mine is my own…And thats about as simple as it gets, I guess…
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I dont want to be afraid anymore...I want to brave the unknown face first, and take my stumbles as they come. I think I would rather walk into the unknown hopeful that something more is out there, then to sit back in my safe haven never having known…I dont want any more “What If’s?” or “If only I had known”. NO REGRETS…
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No buddies, this doesnt mean I will be jumping out of an airplane, or running off to Vegas to join some cabaret show…At least not YET! 
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It simply means, little by little, I am going to stop letting fear overide the need and the desire to change, to move forward, to explore, to make life the adventure that it truly should be…
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Because really, we never ever know…We can plan, analyze, and plan some more, but still, the outcome is rarely what we anticipated…As the book also said “The reality is almost always less scary then the fears you have imagined”.
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“What would you do if you werent afraid????”
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I think I am going to think about this line for many days to come…Thanks for listening buddies…
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Have a great night and very sweet dreams to you all~
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Dawn
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I’m AFRAID I can’t answer that one!!!?
? I wish you luck tackling that list of fears though seriously.. I’m sure you’ll be successful.. Oh and that Cabaret show sounds cool too! 
Dawn,
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Wow…thats deep…But sure does get you to thinking…I have always been a creature of habit and get way out of wack if I step out of my comfort zone or even think about it….So I think you are taking a big step and wish I would stop being afraid…I definitely think there is more to life then what I’m willing to discover but for now I am okay with where I am at.???
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I love blogs and post like this because you just sit back and think…Wow, and it gets your juices flowing.
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Thank you and good luck on your journey!
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xoxoxo
Becky
You know Dawnie, it is very tough tackling our fears.? I put off leaving my first husband for years,?til he got drunk one night and punched me.
Why did I put it off?? I was afraid…afraid of retribution, afraid of change, afraid of being alone, afraid of starting over, afraid of what others would say or think,?afraid of him?? And a part of that hesitancy was because of my age (I was almost 44 when I left).??But I finally had the biggest incentive when he punched me.? I’m just lucky I got off with only a black eye.
Was my life a piece of cake after that?? Not by a long shot.? I had to find a place to live.? I ended up going to California?and staying with a friend.? And by doing that, I had to leave my two children (ages 19 & 17) my new grandson who was only 2 months old, my dad and my sisters.? I went over 2000 miles by bus to a place where I knew only 1 person, and where the way of life was totally different.? But I did it because I had to.? That was the safest place for me to go.
Yeah, people were hurt and upset?along the way, but what I needed at that moment was more important than worrying about hurting a few feelings.
And in the long run, it was the best decision I’d ever made.? I met a man that became my best friend, then eventually became my husband.
Fear can hold us back, but the decision to finally let go can sometimes change the entire world as we look at it.
Wow Dawn!? We’ve got some deep thinking going on around here!? That’s kind of what I was doing with dealing with my fear of being old and alone.? I’m so proud of you!? Can’t wait to hear about you crossing things off your list.?
Great blog Dawnie!!? I have a rule in life and it really has helped me to live a life with less fear.? If I don’t want to do something, I ask myself why….if my only reason is fear….I do it!!? I agree with everything you have said Dawnie….you must live life remembering that on your death bed you want to be saying, “What a ride!!” not “I wish I would off….”? So we’re all here for you so go buck wild girlfriend!!?