Dawn’s Weight Loss Journey

Well, I gotta be honest. I was originally going to title this Reflections of a fat girl…

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But then I decided that it wasnt very nice to call myself names…I have done that far too long…And honestly, even though by society’s standards, I am still fat, I really am seeing myself different than that these days…

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I dont want to identify myself with that title anymore…

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So, while I am by no means a thin person, I AM currently a thinner person in relation to the old days…

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Anyway, I digressed from my reflections…

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So…I was just out running some erands. Preparing for my trip to Ireland next week…And while I was at our local Meijer Store, the cashier there carried on quite a conversation with me…And not your typical, hey, welcome to Meijer, conversation…This was a, here is my life story,  kind of thing…

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Which is really cool, but it put me in mind of another recent event which kind of freaked me out for a day or so, when at another local store, a gentlemen was very kind to me on a rainy day and offered to walk me to my car with his umbrella…(Seriously, freaked me out that he was so nice to me????)

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So I was reflecting on my ride home about this…And wondering why all of a sudden people seem friendly to me…

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And I really have no answers here, but thought immediately that I would throw it out here in cyber blog world for you all to analyze for me!

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It seems in the last few months that people have either found me more approachable, more friendly, more easy to talk to…Thats what I have been thinking…Oh, nice, I lose weight and NOW you talk to me???

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OR, maybe, prior to this, the fault was somehow mine…When you are a larger person, you often ASSUME people are judging you so you hide behind that and maybe subconsiously put off signals that scream STAY AWAY…So maybe thats why I felt people didnt talk to me as much back then…I dont know, maybe its a combonation of these things…

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And I am probably thinking way to much about it…I usually do!

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Because I definitely find people are treating me different these days. I get more hellos. More eye contact. Many close friends have observed that I am friendly, outgoing, and positive…

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To which I ask, ME??? Are you really talking about me? Because in my head, I am still the shy fat girl, that no body notices…I am finding it really hard these days to see myself as these trusted friends now see me…

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Its a truly bizarre thing, you see…

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But its also very exciting…Because maybe I have been her the whole time, but she just couldnt see her way out to existance…

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So those are my Saturday morning reflections…

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Thank you for stopping by, and if any of you care to analyze this scary brain of mine, I sure would appreciate it!

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Happy Saturday! GO BUCKEYES!!!!!!

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Dawn

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So…Friday mornings are D day for me…The dreaded weigh in…

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So this morning I get on with some anticipation…And…NO CHANGE…Still holding at current weight…

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This is the first time in almost two months that I have had no movement…So I am trying to keep that in perspective…

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And it stayed the same…NOT a gain…So those are positives, right????

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But still, I just cant help it…I was disappointed at first, no lie…Felt more than a bit let down…

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But then I decided I could be depressed and crabby all day about it…And make myself miserable and all those around me who love me…Or, I could take the advice of all my wonderful buddies on here that say the scale is not the only measurement of my success…

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I am doing everything right. My calories are in line, my exercise is completely in line, my mind set, for the first time ever, is completely in line…I am doing what I need to be doing…I know this. I DO!!!!

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I have not strayed or fallen off plan for over two months…Longest stretch ever…(And I really need to thank my best buddy Scott for some of that!!! THANK YOU!)

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So just like Jo said earlier this week on her blog, I am just going to keep on going, and eventually, that scale will move in my favor…

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And I am going to keep working hard, through the weekend, and over next week to get one or two more pounds off before my trip…

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Because, really, what else can I do? What else can we all ever really do???

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I can allow the scale to force me completely off the wagon, and I can drown my sorrows in Krispy Kremes and Cafe Lattes, or, I can reflect on that scale all day today, and use that as motivation to choose the salad over the burger for lunch and dinner…

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I think I am going to choose the salad…

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Thanks for listening guys…

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Wishing you all better scale moments…

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Dawn

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Well, I am sure that title grabbed more than one of you buddies in!!! HAH!

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Rest assured, though…This will not be all that interesting…

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So, here in Central Ohio, Fall has arrived. I LOVE Fall. Has always been my favorite time of year, and autumn is always beautiful in Ohio…

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This week I have started pulling out all my fall clothes. In most cases, I have not seen or worn these items since last fall…At which time I was 25 pounds heavier…

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What a frustration dressing has been this week!!! Or at least, thats what I was thinking at the beggining of the week…I ignored my own advice to see the positive in EVERY situation…I truly try to live that way, but sometimes even I give into the “Negative Nelly” affect…

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So basically, none of my work clothes are fitting. They are too big…And I was actually getting mad yesterday!!!! MAD?!?!? Because my clothes are too big?!?! I mean, GOOD GOD…What is my problem??? (Okay, no comments from the peanut gallery please!)

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Today, however, I decided to take my own advice…Two outfits came and went…TOO BIG…Then I came across this skirt with the tags still on it. (Girls, tell me I am not the only one who does NOT try on clothes at the store)…Size 14, which I am not yet…I hope to be by December, but currently I am comfortably in a 16, and I am okay with that for now…

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Anyway, so I pull out the skirt…Husband says, “Man, thats a really cute skirt!” And I say “I know, right???” I bought it TWO years ago…And couldnt even get it up past my thighs…DEPRESSION big time…But I hung on to it hoping one day to wear it…

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Well, not only did it fit, but it zipped. A 14!!! Now, I am not going to lie…I did have to squeeze into it, so I really cant wear it in public yet, but it fit, and within a month or two, I can wear it out…

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So I decided then that I would treat my closet like a giant game every morning…And not be mad because something doesnt fit. I will simply move it to the give away pile and reach for the next item…Sure, I may have to get up 15 minutes earlier to play the game, but heck, if that is the least of my problems every morning, then darn it, I think I will be okay!

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Thanks for listening…

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Have a Happy Wednesday all…

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Dawnie  

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This is just a small note to say thank you to all of you for taking the time to read my post, email me, or make me your “buddy”…Thank you for  your advice, thoughts and support…

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This truly is a remarkable place and I am sorry it took me so long to find you guys!

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How nice to have a “Safe” zone where we can say whatever we want about any thing under the sun…

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And not only do people NOT judge you, often times they can relate too…

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Completely AWESOME!

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Thank you everyone…YOU GUYS ROCK!!!! Really!!!

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Wishing you all continued success on your path…

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Dawn

Okay…So maybe its the rainy overcast weather today…Which normally I like, but I am having a really bad “Fat” day today. I am sure most of us have had those…

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What really astounds me though throughout this whole journey is how MENTAL this whole weight loss thing can be. I could look in the mirror one day and say, oh, I look good today, and the next day, I feel like I look like a hag…So weird…

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Last night I went to a 70’s themed birthday party. I felt pretty good when I left the house. Got a lot of compliments on my weight loss and my costume, but this morning when I looked at the pictures, I completely tore them a part…Piece by piece, I hated EVERYTHING about them…My legs were too fat, my arms were too fat, my face was too fat, etc…

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On and on the insults to myself came…

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And I dont understand how that happens…How you can feel so good one moment, and so low the next…

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Okay. Thanks for letting me vent…I hate FAT days!

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Dawn

This world is so very large. The people, so many…As one person, we are so small. Seemingly insignificant…

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It’s so hard to imagine what we, as an individual, can do…We get discouraged, and we crumble under our burdens.

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Sometimes it is so much easier to just give up, before we even started…To cling to our old ways, old habits, old lives…

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We can’t imagine success; it seems so far off in the distance, unobtainable. So we fight it…

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Because we are afraid…

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We have not the courage to fight. We lose all faith in our own strength. We can not see the sunshine through the rain…

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It is easier to flee the fight, then to stand tall, unflinchingly, in the gunfire…

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But where is the glory in that??? What kind of life is it then? If we are afraid of becoming who we really are inside, then why are we here??

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I think sometimes, it is not failure we fear, it is actually success that we fear…

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For those of us here, we have decided to face our fear. To complete our journey. Some have finished, some have just started. Some are strolling along slowly, midway. Some sprinted full force from the get go to the finish line…

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The paths we take on this journey will be many and varied…The pace, not really important…The road may be full of thick forests, scary beasts, cracks in the road…But the destination, for all of us, is the same…

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It is oh so important to remember that you are NOT alone. You do not have to face your fears by yourself. There are people out there waiting to help you, to cheer you on. To push you when you need it, to pick you up when you fall, and yes, to even carry you for a while, when you feel you can not go on…

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So, if you do not have that support in your life, then go out and find it. It’s there!!! Friends, family, support groups, your church, this website…

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There are people who get it and understand you. They don’t always come knocking on your door, but they are there…

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So, whether you are just starting your journey, or if you have recently completed it…Remember to pause now and then…Look around you. Reflect. Don’t focus so hard on the destination that you forget to enjoy the ride…Enjoy the scenery, no matter what it is…

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And maybe, if you have enough faith and courage, you can look behind you, or beside you, and you will see that you are NOT one person, alone…You are surrounded by others that are on their own journey…

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How wonderful it would be to reach out, grab their hand, and help them along too…

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I wish you all continued success in your individual journeys…

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Dawn

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Okay, I should have said this in my first entry, but I forgot to tell you all of my most recent, GIANT personal acheivement…

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Last Sunday I walked my first ever 10K…

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I have done numerous 5k’s and even one 5 mile walk, but had never done a 10K…I did it by myself because I suddenly found myself without a supportive friend or family member in the world!!! HAH!

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But actually, it ended up well, as I did it by myself, thought I was going to die, but when I crossed the finish line, the elation I felt was soooo intense, very hard to describe…The whole thing probably would have been lost on any one walking with me…

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So anyway, I walked a 17.49 minute mile, which is NOT great, but okay…There was an 80 year old man who did half that time! GEESH!!! But I will try again next year…

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Dawn  

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Oh, and GOOOOOOOOOOOO BUCKEYES!!!!!!!

Okay, so not as good as I was hoping for, but I will take it. I am down 2 more pounds and now sit at 192. I am ONE pound away from the 50 pound mark…

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All and all, I am okay with it, but the weight is coming off VERY slowly this time around and I am not sure why. My calories are on target, my exercise has been through the roof this time around…I am more active now than I have EVER been…I work out at least twice a day, and sometimes up to four, so I am not sure why its so slow now…

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But a loss is a loss, right, so I should just be happy and move on…

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Would really like to lose about 5 more pounds before our Ireland trip in order to give myself a bigger buffer between current weight and 200 pounds. Dont want to be that again, EVER…

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Well, good luck to you all…Thanks for reading!

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Oh yea, very excited I got to update my little weight ticker! VERY COOL! HA!

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Dawn

Hey, this is a really neat website! Glad I found it…Not much going on here. We are getting ready to go on a trip of a lifetime to Ireland in October. I hope I dont gain too much weight while on vacation…We are going to try hard not too!

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Drop me a line if you would like!