Dawn’s Weight Loss Journey

So, over the years, my “Food” journey has taken me many places…

Taught me many lessons…

But I think tonight I got one of the biggest “Food” revelations of my little life.

Indulge me here for a minute as I travel back in time…

I have actually been reading food labels and educating myself on food for a long long time…Far longer than my weight loss journey actually…

Way back in 96, while working in food service, I started looking at labels…Learning about Fat grams…Calories…Etc…

I worked a variety of jobs in food service…Waitressing…Cook…Catering…I LOVED the catering business…And it was around that time that I learned about fat grams…Now, mind you, not enough to actually do anything yet about my own weight, but it was enough to turn my stomach…

Its been over ten years since I have had carrot cake…Or Alfredo sauce…Based soley on the fact that one afternoon I read a label on what these items contain…

Ceasar dressing is also a thing of my past…Havent had that in over five years…

You see, theres some things that I just KNOW are bad for me…REALLY bad for me…And, well, I just dont want them in my system…(There really is a thing called knowing TOO much! LOL)

So flash forward to 2004…Thats when my journey to actually loose weight and get HEALTHY started…The healthy part is the key…I wanted to lose weight, but being alive and healthy was my ultimate goal…

So then I started learning more…Sodium…Fiber…Good fat vs. bad fat…

Reading labels and educating myself is kind of what I do…

Sometimes it takes a while to read all the info…Discuss it…Process it…And put it in to action…

So most recently I have felt driven to go another step further in my food journey…

For me, this is being fully aware of what I am putting in my body, and knowing exactly what I am eating, what it contains, and where it came from…

It’s not going to happen over night, and I am aware of that…

But I have already started…Baby steps if you will…Introducing more raw foods into my life…TONS of fruits and veggies…Weaning myself off of over processed food…I have been doing that for several months…And now in the last few weeks I have begun to shop locally and organically.

The price, I have found, is really not quite as outrageous as we are sometimes lead to believe…

So that brings us to tonight and the title of this blog…

Tonight, we decided on a dinner of hamburgers…

I was going to have a “Laura’s Lean Ground Beef” burger, that came in at only 160 calories! Is all natural, no antibiotics or steroids, and is humanely treated…(I LOVE HER PRODUCTS)

Brian was going to have a Blue Cheese Burger that was bought on a previous trip in an effor to use them up so we could bring in more healthy stuff…(Hey, I want to eat healthy but I am NOT gonna throw out food…) His packs a hefty 410 calories!!! (JUST for the burger…)

Both burgers were frozen, and pre packaged in boxes…

I open his box and mine…And open the burgers…And IMMEDIATELY notice something…I would have NEVER had noticed if not for the fact that the burgers were laying side by side…

My burger was, even frozen, a bright, deep pink color…His burgers??? Well, they were the color of BLAH…Tan? Gray? I really cant say to be honest…They kind of looked like the color of slightly drying concrete…It was fascinating…

So fascinating that we took both boxes back out and read the ingredients…His started off well…Beef…That was the first ingredient…Blue Cheese came next…Good…Good…Then comes 18 other ingredients…EIGHTEEN!!! Enzymes…Cellulose Powder…Potassium sorbate…

This one cracked me up…”Natural Flavor”…Sadly, this ingredient was listed last…

Then I read my box…

Ingredients: 100% pure beef…Thats what the box said…

And the difference in the color suddenly became clear…

We paid 4.99 for the box of blue cheese burgers…6 1/3 pound patties…I paid 8.99 for my box of 6, 4oz, burgers…

You can certainly see how people would gravitate towards the first deal. We sure did!

But man…

Seeing his burgers next to mine…It was sooooooo shocking…Burgers the color of nothing…

I think I now have all the motivation I need to continue on my healthy path…

The money I pay now will save me a life time of heartache and health issues down the line…And that is a price I dont really mind paying…

I think I am going to participate in the next Crayola “Name that crayon” contest and suggest the add the color BLAH to the box…For when the kids want to color a hamburger…

Well, once again I jumped on the scale today on a whim…

I say on a whim because I still cant seem to weigh myself regularly…I am weighing in about every two weeks though and shooting for weekly again here shortly…

I just went through too many years of NOT doing it consistently, and repeated failures, that I just assume that I am going to fail and not see any good results on the scale….

Much to my sheer delight this morning, I jumped on quickly before I could change my mind…

And I was down again!!

I am steadily loosing about two pounds a week now…And I am STOKED…

I have not felt this excited in sooooo long!

And whats REALLY remarkable, is that I had a two pound loss WITHout being able to get to my gym consistently…

But because I could NOT get there I kept my eating completely 100% in check over the last two weeks and I DO believe that is the key…If I had been able to do both, MAN OH MAN…I could have maybe had a five pounder this week…

But thats okay…

The good thing is I didnt give up on everything just because one part of my plan could not be executed…

I held true to my calories and my food journal and walked every chance I got…Next week my schedule returns to normal and I can get back into the gym…

I am so excited to see if I can get a bigger loss next week…

But if not, I am completely okay with a two pound weight loss…Its a completely respectable rate of loss…And will bring me near my first goal by March…

I am now going down again, and thats the most important thing to me… 

I am soooo happy to be back on track again…I forgot how powerful it can feel to actually be DOING it instead of just talking about it…

Take care buddies and best of luck to you all this weekend!!!

Yes. I confess…I came on here to do some pimpin…

I try hard to not push my views on people.

I prefer to share information, and then let people form their own oppinions. For this is how I like to live my life as well…

Gather all the info I can on a subject matter. The good the bad the ugly. Read all pro views…And opposing views…Then form my own conclusion.

I guess you could say I like to use my brain…I am a thinker…And I like that about myself…

Rarely do I lead…

Rarely do I follow…

I am usually that kid thats over there doing her own thing…(Anyone remember that segment from Sesame Street?? “One of these kids is doing their own thing…”????)

Well…That’s more often than not me…

Been that way my whole life…

In school I never belonged to one “Group”…I kind of just did my own thing with my own friends and talked to all the others…Popularity was never much of an interest of mine…Although I seemed to do just fine…

And even now I consider myself lucky to have such a wide variety of friends…Some kooky…Some wacky…Some smart…Some not so smart…(Yeah, you know who you are…LOL) and I like it that way…

I like eclectic people…I like smart people…I like people who DONT agree with me about everything…

So, on to the pimpin…Right?? I mean, I promised some pimpin so I should deliver…

I watched a movie this week that I am HIGHLY recommending…

First, for ANYONE who has any interest in health, fitness and wellness…For I do believe that is the basis of what the film is about…

Second, for ANYONE who is remotely interested in what food you put into your body…

And third, for ANYONE who wishes to eat more respectfully and more humanely, this film is for you…

Its called FOOD INC…And you really should check it out… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eKYyD14d_0

Its available now on DVD and for rent from your local rental place.

Its much like the documentary “Super Size Me” which I also recommend for your viewing pleasure.

What I liked about this film is it basically just gave you an over view of where your food comes from and what it contains…

It kind of sparks an interest…And then lets YOU gather more info to make your own informed choices…

I consider myself a pretty informed person when it comes to food…I mean, I have been on my wellness journey for over five years…I know all about reading labels…Healthy eating…Etc…

I have devoured this subject for years…

But I will say this film was very eye opening…

From the politics of food, to the actual production of food, I truly had no idea…And so I assume that most of you wont either…

So give this movie a shot…And then let me know what you think…

For much like Super Size Me, it has definitely changed the way I will be eating in the future…

No, I havent stopped eating fast food forever, but I can honestly say that after watching Super Size Me, my consumption of fast food, and McDonald’s in particular has dropped by about 85%…

Food Inc. has put me on a path I was already heading down in the last few years…

The desire to put into my body ONLY the best quality foods so that I can live longer and less toxic…The desire to treat the meat I eat with more respect.

Do I think you need to be a vegetarian to show the world your compassion for animals? No.

But I do think the meat I eat, the animals I consume, deserve the respect they earned for being a food source for me…

So I will be launching a new journey over the coming months of finding local farms…Shopping more at farm markets for the freshest and most organic food I can find…To eat only grass fed beef, cage free chicken, etc…

Yep. Its gonna cost more money…

But in the long run, for me, its the best descision, and I think, in the end, will save me some money in the form of health issues down the line…

So if this is an interest of yours as well, watch the film, let me know what you think, and then lets discuss ways of finding healthy, chemical free, natural foods…

plan  (pln) n.

1. A scheme, program, or method worked out beforehand for the accomplishment of an objective: a plan of attack.

2. A proposed or tentative project or course of action: had no plans for the evening.

3. A systematic arrangement of elements or important parts; a configuration or outline: a seating plan; the plan of a story.

For the first time in a long time I had a plan!!!

I have been steadily getting back on plan since July 1st. I did well for two months, switched jobs, routines, and then in September slipped a bit as I struggled to find my routine…

October came, and I decided to clear the cobwebs out of my head, and get my head out of my ass, and get myself sorted out. This change provided me the first real weight loss I have had in two years…

I was doing well. I WANTED to do well. But I knew the first two weeks of November would be tough.

I knew this because this was the whole point of why I was hired a few months ago into this new job. November was our go live time. I knew to expect 10 hour days. Loads of stress. And very little time to myself.

Knowing this, combined with my renewed committment to get this weight off for good, found me at a crossroads…

Do I just take the first two weeks off of my plan and try to survive???? I mean, in the big scheme of things, two weeks isnt that big of a deal, right???? Sure Dawn…Whatever you say…

Or do I stress myself out and after ten hours of work force myself to the gym and then beat myself up when I dont get there? Well, Dawn, this is what you normally would do…

Then it occured to me…

Sometimes its okay to be mediocre…Sometimes its okay to meet in the middle…Sometimes it doesnt have to be all or nothing…

And this became my new plan…

I knew that exercise was going to be difficult. Very few people feel like committing an hour to a gym after working for ten hours, coming home in the dark, etc…I also knew that when I am tired, stressed, and not prepared, I tend to go for convienience…

Hello fast food, here I am!!!

Well, NOT THIS TIME…

Here was my plan…To get through the first two weeks of November as successfully as I could…

So I did some tweaking to my thought process…People, this is NO EASY TASK when you have a brain that functions as mine does…LOL…

I decided to loosen up a bit…

Really.

There are no rules here except the ones I enforce…

I gave myself permission, for at least this month, to BE FLEXIBLE.

I can not control all that goes on in my world. But I can control my reaction to it.

But I had to be careful…Because there is a fine line between being flexible, and fooling yourself…You have to be careful not to give yourself TOO much freedom. So I also added honesty to the mix. I would have to be brutally honest with myeslf as well…

So first up, NO. Taking a two week break from this was not an option. I scrapped that idea right away. I have done that two many times in the last two years and thats how I ended up back here thirty pounds heavier. Clearly “Taking a break” is not really working for yours truly…

The second option wasnt going to work either because I know myself…If I failed to get to the gym, I would beat myself up continually and call myself a failure which would lead me right back to option one…NOPE. Not gonna do it…

So I decided that instead of saying WHEN and HOW I must exercise, I would do this…I would get ONE HOUR of cardio in per day. How I got that was up to me. Via walk. Hike. Or gym. There were no rules as long as I got it in. However, I did have my own restrictions. A leisurely stroll with the dog did not count. But an hour long power walk with her did. A hike in the woods? Absolutely…That way, if I made the gym, GREAT, but if I wasnt feeling the gym because I wanted to spend what little time I had with my family, then that was okay too, as long as we all got out and got moving…

The second thing I did was prepare food wise…

I have started shopping in smaller trips.

I dont have kids, and there is only Brian and I and our dog in our home, so a typical grocery run is about once every 4-6 weeks with a few pick ups in between of dairy, and things that spoil…I have shopped this way my entire life, so changing has been difficult.

But now I go once a week, usually on Sundays. I buy my fresh fruit and produce for the week and any other low cal items for my lunches. (LOVE ME SOME STRING CHEESE) I then come home and prepare those foods for the week ahead…

I have done this for the last three weeks, and I have to tell you, Its one of the smartest things I have done in a while.

I have had to get over the fact that I FEEL like I am spending more money at the store more frequently. Because I am also throwing out less food now. Since I only get a weeks worth, I am using what I bought.

I pack my lunch every morning. I pack breakfast, lunch, and two snacks. I try to keep the contents in the bag to equal between 600 and 700 calories so that I have at least 500 left for dinner…When the bag is empty, I am done. Period.

On the nights I KNOW I am working late, I pack the bag with dinner too. So that I am not tempted when leaving the office at 7 to drive through McDonalds’s.

And buddies, let me tell you. Its worked!!!

For some reason, we often think we need to be 100% on our game at all times or we are failures…

The media…The Professionals…And even some of our fellow buddies would even lead us to beleive that as well…If you are not eating this or that…If you are not spending 2 hours every day in a gym, it wont work…Well, I call their bluff…

Sometimes life…Families…Work…They DO come first…And for us to be true successes…LONG TERM successes, we have to adapt to that…

Its too easy to say “Well, my eating has been shit this week, so I might as well skip the gym…” Or “I have hit the gym every day this week so I can eat at McDonalds with no guilt”…Sure. If you do this more often than NOT, then yep, YOU have a problem and you are starting a vicious cycle of not losing weight…

But, for a short period of time, if life dictates, its okay to do one or the other!!!

Now understand, my goal WAS to do both as often as possible…But I did not want to set myself up for failiure…

So everyday the prepacked lunch/dinner combo worked like a dream…NOT ONCE did I go over 1300 calories…As a matter of fact, I havent gone over 1300 calories in over three weeks. I have come up with soooo many low calorie snacks based from fruit and veggies that some times I feel like I am eating ALL THE TIME and still not reaching 1200 calories!!!

Eating good food has never been a problem for me. I love fresh fruits and veggies…Its when I run out of the good stuff then I reach for the bad stuff that has been my problem…Shopping more frequently has solved this issue!

I have given myself NO FREE DAYS because I knew the exercise would be tricky…

But every night, no matter what time I got home, I put on my tennis shoes and went for my walk…Sometimes I felt up for the gym…Sometimes I didnt…Sometimes I did and when I got to the gym they were closed!!! But it was all good because I had a plan…

And the plan is working…

I am now entereing the second week of November…And even with the extra hours. The extra stress of  ths lst week…A visit from TOM…AND an impending sinus infection…ALL THESE THINGS DID NOT DERAIL ME. I feel great…

I feel successful…

AND…

I lost weight…

Was it huge?? NOPE…But it was enough to prove my point…

Sometimes its okay to do one or the other…

Whats NOT okay is to give up on it, or yourself, entirely…

There is NOTHING in the world I hate more than a coward.

To me, a coward is ANYONE who places blame on someone…Anyone who does not stand up and admit when they were wrong…Fight for what they beleive in…But have enough courage to listen, learn and continue to grow. Anyone that takes the easy way out…Anyone who doesnt stay in the fight, whatever fight that might be…Anyone who runs…

I was going to come out here and check in after a week of fighting off illness…But so much has happened this week around me that I have to vent about something entirely different…

COWARDS…

Thursday night brought the news of two tragic events…

A murder/suicide here in my town. A man murders his wife. His 9 year old son. And himself. Reportedly because he has Parkinson Disease and financial troubles.

Now. Understand this.

I UNDERSTAND Depression. I have lived with Depression and Mental illness my entire life. I understand being suicidal. I have delt with a mother who has attempted it on three occasions. Hell, I myself have contemplated it a time or two. I get it. I get that dark feeling and the feeling of being alone…

Then Thursday night I hear about the Fort Hood shootings and I am like, Your kidding me, right?

Now I realize there is much much more to the story than we are hearing, but come on…A man might be upset about his deployment? He might be upset becuase people harrassed him about his religion? And what? That gives you the right to walk in and shoot over 40 people? And not even have the guts to shoot yourself? Coward…

Then today, another shooting in Orlando…Really?

When did the world get so full of cowards…

Since when does depression mean you have the right to take others down with you? Life is tough. Guess what, every single person has a story to tell. Yours is not special. Yours does NOT give you the right to take another persons life because YOU are sad and miserable.

NINE YEARS OLD. His son was NINE. Not even old enough for his first kiss. His first dance. Life is over because hey, dad was depressed. Makes me ILL.

So I have heard “Dawn, he was mentally ill…” No. He was not. He was a selfish coward. And its times like these when I REALLY hope there IS an afterlife and that he will have to pay for eternity for what he did…

There is no excuse. NONE. For taking your own childs life…

I apologize for having zero sympathy in all these cases for the shooters…All of them cowards…

You know what? Life sucks sometimes for ALL of us…Deal with it.

I am absolutely flabergasted at how sick and twisted our world has become. Kids arent safe at school. Kids arent safe at home. Soldiers arent safe on base. Workers arent safe at the office. What in the world is the world coming too?

It truly frightens me…And saddens me…

Getting off my soapbox now…Will be back this weekend to actually blog about weight loss…

Thanks for listening all and may you all have successful weekends!!!

Whatever name you call it, I think I got it…

I am certain this blog will offend at least one person…And so I do apologize in advance, but, well, you know I gotta say what I gotta say…

So, I have a friend…Well, an aquaintance really…

Met through work, later hang out on Facebook…Have never “Met” her only spoken on the phone.

Funny gal. Delightful gal.

Well, in August of this year…2009…She had the Gastric Bypass…The Lap Band…I have spoken with her about this of course, because as previously stated, I TOO have thought about doing this not once but twice…

Trust me. I know how inticing it is…

And for those of you who have had it, I am sure it was not an easy choice…

But I do have to vent for just a second…

This friend gives periodic weight updates via Facebook…

Well, its no shocker, she is dropping weight rapidly…Although its much more rapid than I thought for the lap band version…

But since August 11th, she has lost 40 pounds…She started right under 300 pounds…

She looks great and is feeling greater…

So whats my gripe?

Well, the other day when she posted her update, she also stated “I feel like I have accomplished something…”

I dont know…For whatever reason this really rubs me the wrong way…

What HAS she “accomplished”?

Surgery?

Now, I am not saying she took the easy way…For I truly have no idea what her exercise or eating regimine is now or was, but she has NEVER mentioned exercise to me…

But still…

I understand feeling good…

I understand being excited to see yourself melting away…

But I am really failing to see how having surgery to reduce your stomach intake is an accomplishment…

Perhaps I am envious…Perhaps I am jealous…Perhaps I just know in my heart what it means to work your ass off for the loss of one measley little pound…So to see someone do it rather effortlessly MIGHT make me a bit irratable…

But at any rate…Several days later and I am still dwelling on this…

Facebook…UGH…Some days I think I should just stay away from it all…LOL…

 Have a great weekend all…

So I got on the scale today…

On a complete whim mind you…

I am not a regular weigher…By any means…

I used to be a once a weeker…but in the last two years I do it only periodically…

Why?

Well, who wants to constantly see the scale go up? I got enough reasons to be depressed…Dont need one more!

Anyway, I know, to be completely recommitted to this journey, I need to start facing the scale…

At least weekly…

And handle whatever it tells me…The good…The bad…The ugly…

So today I jumped on it before I had a chance to really think about it…

Low and behold…

For the first time in almost TWO LONG YEARS…

The scale has moved down…

Only three pounds…

But its THREE POUNDS!!!

Three pounds closer to my first mini goal of 15 pounds by Christmas…

I know its early…

I have only been back on my game for two weeks…But I really REALLY needed to see that downward movement…To keep me focused on the WHY…Why I am here doing this…

So I am stoked…

Three pounds is nothing in the grand scheme of my plan, which is 50 pounds…But heck, I will take it…Screw that…I LOVE IT…

Me and the scale…Working towards a better relationship in the future…Woo Hoo!!!

For the first time in a long long time…

And it feels good…

I am finding that as long as I keep my patience in check…I am good…

Which is no easy feat, really…I am the most impatient person sometimes…

Sometimes, when I am recommitted to my weight loss, I feel as long as I have been good. Real good, then I should see an immediate result…Like in my head, I feel I should put on a pair of pants and they should fall to my ankles…

Ummm, Dawn, it doesnt work that way…

It takes a while for your body to catch up to the mind set…THIS…This is my biggest battle ALWAYS when I am in my groove…

So I am finishing up my first week back and I am pretty happy with my results.

I met a friend for dinner on Friday out…And I ordered a nice GRILLED Alaskan Halibut…It was really good and low calorie..I felt full and NOT deprived…Ended Friday with 1350 calories…Not bad at all for eating out.

I am getting there…My mind seems to understand this time that I just HAVE to do this…I have too…

Its no longer an option of whether I will write in my journal today…

Whether or not I will exercise…

Whether or not I will eat healthier choices…

I just HAVE to do it. No discussion. No arguments.

I think I am finally getting myself sorted out…I hope so…

I can be fat…Or I can be thinner…I will never be THIN…But I can be thinner and healthier…

I can sit here month after month. Struggling. Whinning. Wondering why I am NOT losing weight…

Or I can face the facts and the hard truth and realize that I will never lose the weight until I committ to mySELF to do so…

Guess what?

That means that YES, I have to deny myself certain things.

YES, I will have to make some sacrafices…

Yes, for the rest of my life I will have to make these permanent changes.

That means basically I need to grow up. Own my weight. And take personal responsibility for it. I got myself here. And only I can get myself back…Period…

I can do it or not do it. The choice is mine…

I have ben reading a lot here lately about diet pills…Diet shots…Surgery…Etc…I would like to throw my two cents out there as well…

I will, and have, confessed to TWICE in my life considering the Gastric Bypass…

Its a very inticing option…

A quick surgery and suddenly I would be dropping five pounds a week…Like that!!! Sweet!!! Sign me up!!!

Or not…

Both times, I have stopped short of having it…I have many many friends and aquaintences that have had it…It was their choice and for their own reasons, they chose it…

Sadly, so far, very very few of them have been successful, long term…

LONG TERM is the key phrase…

I guess my thoughts are this…

However you choose to lose your weight is of course, YOUR choice…Whatever diet you choose, whatever exercise you do, whatever tools and resources you choose, ALL YOUR CHOICES…

Correct…

However, here is the thing…

No matter what diet…No matter what tools…The end result MUST BE a life time of changed behaviours…

PERMANENT CHANGES.

There is no quick fix. There is no magic pill.

I get soooo many emails from people…Even when I havent been on here for a while asking me “How did you do it??”

And I get the feeling they are looking for me to give them some magic code…There is none…

Any one who takes one millisecond to read my story, which is right here in the pages of my profile…My blogs…KNOWS I have struggled…They also know how I do it, and how I fail…And how I keep on trying…

My story is much more than the pictures on my profile…

To loose weight you must do this:

Consume fewer calories then you burn. Period.

As awesome as I am, I didnt invent that…LOL…Its just a basic mathmatical equation…

That is the basis of ALL diets…Atkins, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, etc….

And guess what…To be a long term success, to be a HEALTHIER success you will have to EXERCISE.

No, you dont need to spend 2 hours a day in a gym. But you will need to get moving…

It is possible to lose weight simply by changing your eating. I know this. I have done this. But…To be truly healthy, you are gonna have to get some exercise. Regular exercise in some form…

I know. It sucks. But its a fact…

I am amazed at the number of people who do these fast result programs…Surgery…Pills…Shots…But dont change their behaviour…

If you dont fix the problem…Then all these things are just band aids…A quick, TEMPORARY fix…

Can these things work? ABSOLUTELY…

Some people use these tools for a jump start. I get that…As mentioned, I too am impatient…I would LOVE to start seeing five to 10 pound weight loss per week.For me, it would help me…I think…

But, as with anything in life…

Things that come to us easy, are often  not appreciated…And that is the point of this long and rambling blog

You can do this the easy way…

You can do this the hard way…

The choice, indeed, is yours…

And whose to say surgery or pills ARE teh easy way? We all have different oppinions on this of course…

But for me, the hard way is just going to make a larger, longer lasting, impact on my life…When I work hard for something…VERY hard, I appreciate it more…

Does that mean that I will always be a success too? No. As noted, I have failed more times than I can count…

But I would rather fail on my terms, then the terms dictated to me by some surgeon…Or some diet pill commercial…Or whatever…

And with doing the least amount of damage to my body and my organs… 

I am in this game to become HEALTHY…

Not to be a number on a scale…

Not to be a certain size…

Not to fit within the confines of some doctors or “Proffessional’s” Weight chart that says what I SHOULD weigh…

I am doing this for me. So that I can feel good about EVERYTHING about me…Whether I end up at 180 for the rest of my life or 140…

I want to WANT to make better food choices…I want to WANT to be outside exercising in any form…

I want those choices to just be a natural reflex for me…So that no matter what weight I am at, I am living the most healthy life I can live.

I want that to be what my life IS, every day…Not just for a period of time…

Happy Friday buddies…

Whew…

Didnt think this one could get here soon enough!

I have had a pretty good week over all…Logged my food. Stayed UNDER 1200 calories every day. (Please dont panic, I wont always keep it that low, just what I need to do my first week back) and I have gone to the gym three days (M-W) for my work out AND walked afterwards. (One night we went for an hour and a half walk!).

I did take last night off…I was starting to just feel Blah…Like I was getting sick. Not sure if I truly am, or if my body is just in shock from being back at the gym…LOL…

Either way, the next three days will be crucial…I will need to find a way to get my hour of cardio in each day whether at the gym or on hikes with my dog…If I can, then I will call this first week back a HUGE success…

So far, the eating part has been easy…

Its always amazed me how 1200 calories fills me up. NO, Not always. There are some days, no matter what, that my body wants to eat, but MOSTLY, if I use those 1200 calories wisely, lots of protein and fiber, and energy boosting foods, then yes, I go to bed every night full and satisfied…

The exercising is still a bit of a struggle…

Two big reasons. I HATE my gym right now…And my work hours are very off right now…So these two things make me not want to go. So every day is a struggle…But so far, I am winning…

I have posted some “Skinny” pics through out my house so I can focus on where I want to get to…

Some days, I look at those pictures and I dont know who that girl was…that girl that in just a few months dropped 64 pounds…She looked happy. YOUNG…Healthy…(And, by the way, I was still 180 pounds!!!) but when you compare that to 250 pounds where I started, you can see that she was a new person…

I am desperately trying to get there again…This time a little older…A little wiser…A different support system…But I still want to get there…

Its hard to forget the past…I cant continue to dwell on wehre I was, and how I let myself regain 30 pounds…I can acknowledge it and move on…Because if I dwell on that time, then I get stuck. Frustrated. And I want to give up. Thinking I will never get there again…Wondering HOW I let myself get back here…

I just cant do that anymore…Spent soooo much time beating myself up over it…

So I have really tried to just focus on my future…When on my elliptical, I envision myself, my future self, in the Spring, in smaller clothes…

I envision myself at the weight I want to be…

And in this way I hope to start eliminating the past and focusing on my future…

 I have sooooooooooo far to go…It seems overwhelming…But if I focus on one step. One pound. One gym visit. One meal at a time, it seems completely reasonable and doable…

I wish you all the best success today…May you tackle your own steps and pounds!

So my night is coming to a close and I sit here pleased and delighted…

Day one is done, and I did great.

Yeah, I know…I have been on this journey too many times and far too long to know that one day does not make or break you…

 Trust me. I know I have a long long long road still ahead of me…

But I DO know, as some of you know, that simply getting started is the hardest part…

So thats what I did today…

I simply did what I had to do….

Wrote in my food journal…Kept my calories in check (1139!) and returned to the gym…

(Amazed, by the way, that 1200 calories CAN and DOES fill me up…)

Sure, the first day back is hard after a break…I wanted to quit the elliptical after ten minutes…I wanted to quit after 20 minutes…But I didnt…

I just kept talking myself through it in my head…

I reminded myself that I HAVE done this before…That I CAN do this again…

And it worked…

I finished the day with a nice cardio workout under my belt…A completed food journal…And my calories falling just under 1200…I feel good…Motivated and focused…

I KNOW I can do this. A few months of hard work, some sacraficing and dedication, and before I know it, it will all become routine again and I will miss nothing…

I know this…

And the reward for my hard work will be so powerful that I wont mind the work at all…As a matter of fact, after a few months, it ceases to become work, and is just a part of my life…

 I cant wait to get back to that feeling…

And today, well, today was a very good start…

Wishing you all successful days as well…