A journey of a thousand miles…

Wow. I guess it has been awhile since I have visted the Ol’ Slim!

I get some ADHD when it comes to buddyslim I fear…Lets just say I get sidetracked…Sorry about that for any of my buddies who still stop by and visit…Its not intentional…I just get going about my business and lose track.

So I guess my last post was in July. And I am happy to report lots has changed since then…In August I TOTALLY recommitted myself to this journey. I mean, REALLY went all in. I had been waffling for YEARS. YEARS people…It was ridiculous. I kept losing and gaining the SAME 10 pounds…

Finally, with the help of a small group of buddyslimmers who I am also in a support group with on Facebook, I was able to really recommit myself to my goals…

I am still counting calories. Still keeping a food journal. Still working out. Still eating HEALTHY little processed food. But besides changing my attitude, the other thing I added was NO ADDED SUGARS.

I started educating myself on all the added sugars our food contains and the more I read the more appalled I got. When I started reviewing my food log I was really bummed. For I truly felt I ate fairly healthy. I was shocked to learn my sugars were coming in at about 75 grams per day. It is recommended we get NO MORE than 20 grams per day…(Added sugars, not natural)

So this became my new obsession.

Friends, let me tell you, its been a VERY easy transition for me. I have not noticed hardly at all. The only thing I TRULY miss is my daily Greek Yogurt. I can not find a low sugar version so I go without. I end up between 20-25 grams per day and it has TOTALLY kick started my weight loss.

I am losing slow. But I AM losing. I have never been a fast loser so thats okay. But I am down now about 20 pounds. I wanted to be down 30 by this time when I originally recommitted but thats okay…I will get there…

I took myself to the gym today. On a Sunday no less. Because I am soooooooooooooo close to my next mini goal I just cant stand it. It seems suddenly SOOOOOoooo reachable to me…I am 7 pounds away from it. And I am totally ready to slay those seven pounds…

So thats where I am and where I have been. I hope you all are having a very successful Fall as well!!!!

So I am on week two, and TOM has arrived to mess with me. I hate him EVERY month but this month is particularly bad…Because I have only been back on track one little week…And yes, I had a two pound loss…And yes, now I am retaining water and it makes me one big giant bloated crabby patty!!!

He is doing his best to get me to give up and eat my way into oblivion…So far though, I have NOT let him have the upper hand…Add to that a heat wave here in the mid west and well, I am finding it very hard to get my exercise in. I mean, seriously….I got up early this morning to get my chores done before the humidity began and within 20 minutes I was sweating like Rupert Murdoch! UGH.

My 1959 ranch house does NOT have air conditioning…UGH O RAMA!

Anyway, I am still hanging in. Still doing what I do, and I hope next week when TOM is long gone I will see another jump in the scale….DOWN…Not up!

Anyway, read this article today and found it interesting. Its long, but I think its worth the read…

I dont think its anything earth shattering. I mean, a lot of it seems to be common sense to me at this stage in my game, but I forget that for some people it will be new info…

The thing that jumped out to me though was the addage that ”Everything in moderation” may not be a successful approach to this journey. And I kind of agree.

I myself have been leaning towards a more natural approach to my calories. Watching what fuel I put in my body. Leaning away from processed and towards natural. Most recently cutting down on the white flour I consume…Anyway, its a good, informative read, especially if you are just starting this journey!

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/19/health/19brody.html?_r=2&smid=fb-nytimes&WT.mc_id=HL-SM-E-FB-SM-LIN-CCY-071911-NYT-NA&WT.mc_ev=click

So I count calories. And as such, I tend to be very very stingy with them. I treat them like money. So for the longest time, when I eat bread, I have eaten “Light” bread. 35 calories a slice! Cant beat that, right? Right!

But in an effort to continually fuel my body with the BEST fuel, meaning protein, fiber, all natural, low sugar and what not, I have started branching out. I know. I know. What can I say? I dont tolerate change well! LOL

Anyway, after three years of light bread, I discovered this:

http://www.schwebels.com/freshly-baked-breads/whole-grain-and-multi-grain-breads/selects-healthy-multi-grain

Oh. My. Goodness! I am in love!

This bread is sooo good! And yes, the calories are MUCH higher than I am used too, but the bread is MUCH denser. Protein. CHECK. Fiber. CHECK. Low in Sugar. CHECK. First ingrediant on the list…WHOLE GRAIN WHEAT. CHECK!

THis bread is soooo much more filling. And guess what that means? It will stick with me longer, decreasing my chances of crashing and binging. Remember that folks…A calorie is not just a calorie…

Empty calories are NOT the same as full, healthy calories, and your body WILL function better when you use that calorie wisely.
And although I am not thrilled with upping my bread calories, I will say that this is a change, a risk if you will, that was worth it…I love this bread!

I have said it a thousand times on my journey and in my blogs…You MUST challenge yourself on this journey…You MUST try new foods, new things…Some work. Some dont. But you gotta be willing to try. Because your tastes WILL change…And what you once thought you could not live without…You will soon find its a vague and distant memory!!!!

Day four: I did NOT want to get out of bed this morning. My alarm rang at 5:30 a.m. The boyfriend got up got dressed and this is what I heard for the next 10 minutes “Come on! Lets Go!” He was driving. Me. Nuts.

Four days in and I was tired. I laid in bed. Rationalizing. “I am doing TONS of yard work today. I will get my activity in today regardless.” “I do NOT need to walk today”

The boyfriend “Just think, if we go today and tomorrow then we have done FIVE DAYS IN A ROW”

Me (Pre morning coffee, tired and MORE than a bit crabby) “Oh DO shut up! I never said it had to be IN A ROW. I simply said 5-7 days!”

I sat my ass on the couch. Snuggled up with my blankie and my overly cuddly English Bulldog and set about going back to sleep.

He brings me my coffee. (The boyfriend NOT the bulldog!)

I drink up. I look at the dogs. I look at the clock. I look at him. And I realize he is right.

And I HATE IT WHEN HE IS RIGHT!!!!

It was/is a BEAUTIFUL morning here in Central Ohio. 68 degrees. Low humidity. We still had time before he had to leave for work. I had coffee in me and I was thinking more clearly.

I will NEVER reach my goal if I keep justifying bad behavior!!!!

There was no reason NOT to walk. Who cares if I do yard work today. That doesnt give me a free pass. That gives me MORE CALORIES BURNED.

So I very grumpily and begrudingly got of the couch and took my morning jaunt.

I hate it when he is right….

One of the things that has always iritated me on this journey, reading blogs, even talking to my own friends and family, are those who STILL do not take responsibility for where they are.

I hate that.

Sure. Sure. Genetics does play into it. Society too. Temptation IS indeed around every corner. But make NO MISTAKE people. YOU got yourself to this point. And only YOU can get out.

McDonalds is NOT to blame for your fat rolls…Sure, they dont make it easy on you, but come on…Free will peeps…Its one of God’s greatest gifts to us…

The ability to CHOOSE!!

I have been here a long time. Too long. And thats MY fault. I have read blogs from people who are sad. Whiney. Because they feel they arent getting the support they want here….So they fail. Listen. You get back what you put in, and while I am a HUGE proponet of support, at the core of the matter, it is all on YOU.

No one has made you fail…Except YOUR OWN SELF!!!

YOU have to be your biggest motivator. YOU have to be your biggest cheerleader. YOU have to do the work.

So I am on day THREE of my Relaunch as I am calling it. I have lost count of the times I have officially relaunched myself…And that does make me sad…But I am trying to focus on the HERE and the NOW. Not the THEN AND THERE….

Today I faced one of my greatest fears…

Oh yeah…The scale…

I didnt want to…But I had too…

For how will I ever know how far I got, if I dont recognize where I started????

So I weighed in. It was bad. Will not lie. NOT as bad as my OCD brain had lead me to believe…But bad none the less…I am not quite as big as I was in December when I restarted the last time, but I am up 11 pounds in just three months…

NOT GOOD. And its my own damn fault. Again.

I lack consistency. It is my BIGGEST nemesis.

So the boyfriend was affraid I would have a meltdown. But I didnt. I didnt.

For this time when I looked at the scale, I took it on the chin…And I said “The choice is mine”…I never have to see that number again. If I choose to.

Then he took my official NEW “Before” pics…This is something I stopped doing YEARS ago, but was instrumental in my original journey. When the scale is not cooperating, the pictures ALWAYS tell a better story…So I took new ones…And they look bad…Rollllllls are a showing…And I am not talking the hot buttered fresh out of the oven kinda rolls! LOL

But again, I looked…I critiqued…And I confessed…

I NEVER have to look like that again…If I choose…

And that, my friends, is the key…

I have the knowledge. I have the power. To never weigh this much…Or look like this again…

It is up to me. Not you. Not genetics. Not society. Its me…

Its ALWAYS been me…

Make no mistake friends…HEALTHY is a state of mind…

So, here I am to confess my deadly sin…

I fell off my wagon…And no, I did not gracefully leap down from the seat…I fell flat over the side smack dab on my noggin I did!!! It hurt like hell, I admit!

I was doing pretty good…Had dropped 20 pounds from Christmas untill Spring…Using my Body Media Fit band. Learning about calorie deficits. Learning about my daily burn. Then I bought a house. YAY!!!

Working on the house gave me the excuse NOT to pay attention anymore…And remarkably, I maintained through April and May….Then I VOLUNTARILY quit my CRAPPY ASS job working for a complete ass of a boss….Risky, I know, but I just couldnt let her suck any more of my soul out. NO PAYCHECK is worth your soul. Period.

So I planned. I saved. And I quit. YAY again!

THEN, the month of June came…And the arrival of my boyfriends two children from Florida. We had a lovely month with them…But that is when I fell…

After almost two years of eliminating fast food and overly processed CRAP, I allowed it back in my house…Being home with them every day also made me aware of how convienient all that crap is. Fast. Argument free.

In addition to that, I became lazy. It was too hot to walk. Too hot to ride my bike. Pathetic and sad arguments I know…

So they left last weekend and I hit bottom hard…I refused to weigh, but in my head I have myself regaining 50 pounds. I am sure thats NOT the case since all my clothes still fit, but still, thats how bad I felt.

All the eating out. All that processed garbage makes me feel FAT. BLOATED. LETHARGIC. LAZY. And on Sunday I slapped myself over the head and said SNAP OUT OF IT!!!!

And so I did. I sent a rally cry out to all my Weight Loss peeps…Allllll the like minded friends I have gathered along the way of this journey….And EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM ANSWERED. These strangers whom I have never met except here in cyberville rallied around me….These strangers that understand my journey and me sooooo much more than even my closest friends and family…And I felt so incredibly thankful!

So I looked on the horizon…To see if I could find the next wagon passing by…And when it did, I grabbed hold of the reigns and jumped aboard. I am holding on for DEAR LIFE my friends. The ride is VERY bumpy. But day one is in the books and I did GREAT.

I am shooting for a 1000 calorie deficit per day in order to achieve a 2 pound per week loss…My Body Media Fit program estimates that IF I do this I will reach my goal by January 2012. I feel great about that…

And even though I am no thinner today than I was on Sunday, I just FEEL better. I feel healthier. I feel fitter. And yes, I even feel thinner….

It has ALWAYS amazed me how just making the committment to TRY changes your mind set completely…

So I am back on my wagon, and trying DESPARATELY to reach my destination by January….I have no idea if I will actually get there, but by jove, I sure am gonna try!!!!!

Good morning…Just wanted to come out here real quick and share a healthy treat with you all.

I had this for breakfast today but it would be great for a dessert  or even a cook out/potluck dish.

A healthier version of strawberry shortcake:

1-2 slices of angel food cake (This is one of the best options for us health conscious folks. Low in calories, low in cholesteral,  and no saturated fat!)

Cup of fresh strawberries

One serving of Vanilla Greek Yogurt

I just put my cake in a bowl…Loaded it with the greek yogurt, and put the strawberries on top. DELISH!

Depending on the portion size of your slice of angel food cake, you are looking at about 260-275 calories per serving, and its a big serving!

Now, you could use fat free cool whip in place of the yogurt, but you would be getting empty calories.

One of the BEST things about greek yogurt is it is PACKED full of protein. 14 grams typically. And the vanilla is my absolute fav!

The total protein for this snack is about 17.5, so it makes a great mid day snack or breakfast as I did. PLUS for all you sweet toothers out there, sprinkle a little splenda on top and it adds just an extra sweet to satisfy THAT craving!

Enjoy!!!

It occurred to me this morning as I was having an internal battle with myself how many compromises we make on a day to day basis just to get through life.

This diet journey is really no different.

We all know that in order to lose weight we must burn more calories than we consume. Period.

Regardless of which diet plan you use to accomplish that, the equation is the same.

So I sat here this morning as my tummy growled debating on my choice of breakfast. You see, since I have been off work my food choices have gotten a bit lamer. Oh, dont worry, I am still staying within my calorie range, however, the calories I am chosing have been, well, not as great as I know they should be.

The fuel I have recently chosen is not the choice I need to be making. And I know this.

So as I debated the choice of a pop tart vs. two eggs. it occurred to me how many times per day we do this with ourselves. Not only here but just out in life in general.

And as I finally got my ass up to go make two eggs. (No really, for some reason it seemed like a daunting tasks this morning to make two eggs!) I was reminded of a few things I WONT compromise on and I was curious as to what yours might be….

For instance: Butter. This morning I used REAL butter on my light toast. Now, I know many experts say “Use spray butter” or “Simply have dry toast”. Ummm. No. Not for me. Butter is a healthy fat and its one that I enjoy. IN MODERATION.

This is a compromise I wont make on this journey. For me, the flavor far outweighs the calories here.

Another BIG one for me is salad dressing. I hate hate hate FAT free dressings especially cream based ones. I have yet to find one I enjoy. I will use LIGHT oil based dressings, but when it comes time for a cream based, I go FULL FAT version. EGADS!! I know. I know. BUT. I use the dip method.

Which means I dip my fork in the dressing first, then grab the salad. It is AMAZING to me how very little dressing you use with that method. So for me, I would rather spend a few extra calories because in the long run it curbs my craving, I get FULL flavor, and because of my dip method, at half the calories.

There are several things I have given up. Many things I have changed and adapted too. We all know that you will have to give up a lot on this journey in order to gain better rewards. But I am not willing to let it all go.

And perhaps thats why its taken me so long. If I gave up every little enjoyment I know I would be at goal within 6 months. I know this. But I never ever wanted that for me.

I wanted life long LIFESTYLE changes. Things that I could do the rest of my life and NOT feel deprived or like I was missing out. This is the KEY to maintaining a healthy lifestyle. I fight DAILY to not go back to where I was so any weapon I have in my arsenal is a good one.

Refusing to compromise on a few things allows me to still enjoy life in moderation, while still aiming for my overall goal of healthy and fit living.

And the price I have chosen to pay for that compromise is TIME. It has taken me and will continue to take me a long time to reach my goal. Because I want the changes I do make and the things I give up to be things I WANT to do so that I no longer miss them or feel the need to revert back to them at a later date.

This is why I have chose to count calories as my “Plan”. I could not live the rest of my life without Carbs. I know this. I dont want to even if I were a size 5! I am wayyyyy too much of a foodie to ever cut out an entire food group. I went with a plan that allows ME to chose how to spend my calories, and allows me the flexibility to eat everything in moderation.

And honestly, most of the time, I DO make the right choice.

And todays breakfast choice is a prime example. I could have had the pop tarts. My life would not have ended. And at 400 calories, I still would have had 1100 calories left for the day which would have been plenty. Instead I went with two eggs, fried in cooking spray, two pieces of light toast with a very light coating of REAL butter. Calories? 403! Thats right. I actually consumed MORE calories with my healthier choice. But they were GOOD calories. My body needs them and will use them better. The poptarts held NO nutritional value what so ever. HEck, the first ingrediant listed is High Fructose Corn Syrup. SUGAR!!!

Instead I had a balanced meal of protein, healthy fat, and carbohydrates. I will stay full longer and be able to function better.

There is a time and a place for a pop tart. But today was not that day for me….

Yeah…Thats me…I needed an ASS WHOOPIN so I had to give myself one…

Okay. Quick run down of where I have been here in the last month…

Bought my first home in April. Renovating it room by room. I started a new blog just YESTERDAY to log my progress as I had some requests for before and afters….Its a fledging blog right now but I have pledged to at least write once a week on it, and here at first it will be daily to get caught up… http://pinkformica.wordpress.com/

In addition to that I did something slightly crazy. Okay, it was way crazy. I quit my job.

My very nice paying reliable job. My last day was two weeks ago.

Why? Because I absolutely freaking HATED it. I hated the job. I hated my boss. And I had NO respect at all for the company. It was litterally sucking my soul. So I took a GIANT leap of faith. I saved every other paycheck for several months, and now, I shall live off that for the next month while I stay home with my BF’s children who will visit us for the month.

When they return to Florida, then I will go try and decide what I want to do when I grow up.

More and more I have become disappointed and disalousioned with coorporate America…The pay check was great, but I dont want to live for a paycheck. I am the kind of person who needs to feel PASSION about what I do. You know?

So stay tuned for THAT madness…LOL…I actually feel pretty good about my decision and I have enough savings to pay my bills through November if need be. But I hope I wont need it….

Now, on to the elephant in the room…(No, its NOT me!)

My weight loss had stalled….For over a month I did nothing really. And I even took off my Bodymedia Fit band. Just needed a break I guess….Then this past Memorial Day I saw my aunt. She has been on WW since the fall and she looooooks Fabulous!!! She is down about 50 pounds. In a size 12 for the first time in 8 years and I want that again…I dont know. SOmething about her success just spoke to me and I said GET YOUR ASS MOVIN!

My mother has been approved for her bariatric surgery and will have it in June. You may remember my sister had it in December. She is down over 110 pounds. I will now be the FAT sister. And the FAT daughter if I do NOT get my act together….

So this week I wrote my goals on my board. I put back on my arm band. I brought out my bike for the first time this season, and I have had a FABULOUS week. Many walks. Many bike rides, and slowly getting my calories back in check. The first week back is always the hardest…I know it will only get easy breezy from here….

I will weigh in on Monday to see what if any changes I have…

Hope you all have a lovely safe and HEALTHY weekend!!!

“It is amazingly empowering to have the support of a strong, motivated, and inspirational group of people.” ~Susan Jeffers

Support is a funny thing sometimes.

Sometimes I am sooo motivated. So stubborn. So self assured on this journey that I sometimes forget that I NEED other people.

I get to thinking that I am so strong. So clever. So determined that I don’t need ANYONE…

And while sometimes that IS true…

There are times…Times like yesterday, when I desperately need others…

So very early yesterday morning, I took myself down to Downtown Columbus for the Capital City Half Marathon and Commit to Be Fit 5k. This is my second year doing this particular race. And to be clear, I did the 5k…NOT the half marathon. Someday though…Someday…

This was my second event of this year and always a great kick off to the Summer 5 and 10k season for me. And as I was heading to my corral…(Yeah, corral…Just like a heard of cattle…) LOL, I looked around at alllll the friends and families that had come down to cheer on their member…They had signs. Chairs. Balloons. Etc…

And it made me sad. A deep sadness way down in my soul that I just couldn’t shake off.

You see, I have been doing these for 7 years now. I did my first 5k in May of 2004 and I have never looked back…Never stopped. I do hikes, walks, runs. I do 5k’s, 10ks, and everything in between.

I am gearing up, HOPEFULLY this year, for my first bike marathon and I HOPE my first obstacle course. WATCH ME GO GO GO!!!!

If you had asked me ten years ago, as I sat around fat, unhealthy, and out of shape, unable to walk a flight of stairs without resting, if I ever would ever do something like this, I would have laughed in your face.

From there. To here.

I do anywhere from 3-9 of these events per year now. I do it for me. For the challenge. For the feeling of completion. For my body.

And yeah. I can’t help it. And I do not apologize for it. I AM VERY VERY proud of myself…I am.

And in alllllllll of these events, never, not once, have my group of friends and family came out to support me.

And that was my sadness.

Not to walk with me. Not to meet me at the finish line.

And yesterday it struck me hard. And I am not sure why. I have done sooo many of these I have lost count…And it has never really bothered me…But yesterday, I guess it did.

It made me angry.

Angry at myself for never telling them what I needed or wanted from them. Angry for not telling them how much it would mean to me to see one person holding a sign saying “GO DAWN GO”. Or to see my mother at the finish line to say “I am so proud of you Dawn” 7 years of events and I have done them primarily on my own. And it kind of stinks.

How did this happen??

My friends and family are AWESOME!!! I love my family! I love my friends! They are a GREAT group of people. So how then did the importance of this fall through the cracks???

I don’t really know…

All I know is that yesterday while I was walking…And processing all this…I decided to use that anger to propel myself to the finish line. To try to beat my last years time by five minutes. That was my simple goal. Five minutes.

And as I looked around at all the people…The groups on the side of the road cheering on ME, a total stranger, and I was sooo grateful. Those strangers. Volunteers. Just nameless other people cheered ME on. And I used it. I needed it.

And I started thinking hard about how very important it is to have support on this journey…

I was feeling particularly down. Then I looked to my right and there was B. I met B 3 years ago. Before he met me he had never done anything athletic besides picking up a beer. Yet he jumped right on in when I said “Hey, we are doing a 5k next weekend”.

He has never blinked an eye. Never said no. Half the time he gets a quick heads up two weeks prior that “Oh, by the way, we are doing a 10k in two weeks…” LOL

He has been beside me for ever single one in the last three years. He doesn’t pay the entrance fees. Which at first worried me. But as he likes to say “Dawn, they cant arrest me for simply walking next to you”…He doesn’t need the tshirt. Or the medal. Or the time. He doesn’t care. He simply does it for me. As my support.

I call him my pace car. He walks, or runs, and I do my best to keep up.

So even though I was feeling sad…And more than a bit sorry for myself. Just seeing him there beside me once again, made me realize I am still a lucky gal. For some partners and spouses just don’t support us in this battle for fitness…And some, Like B, do!

Support…support on this journey is CRITICAL. If you are NOT getting it at home, you have to go out and get it on line, support groups, friends, etc…

I encourage you to go get some support.

And I encourage you to also GIVE back some support!!!!

Because the sad truth is…This IS my journey. This is YOUR journey. And as much as people CAN support me…And sometimes do, at the heart of the matter…At the core…It is alllll about me…My journey…My health…My life…They cant do it for me…I have to get myself there.

I am responsible for getting myself to EVERY finish line. I have done it on my own. And I have done it with someone besides me…

And let me tell you. Although both ways produce a very pleasurable feeling of self accomplishment. It is much more pleasant when someone whispers in your ear “I am so proud of you!”

So remember friends…Be support. Find support.

For YOU ARE A CHAMPION!!!!

P.S. Oh! By the way! I didn’t QUITE shave off five minutes. I shaved off 4! My best time EVER at one of these events…5K completed in 51 minutes…I am aiming for 45 next time!!! All because I knew someone was beside me cheering me on….